Think Thank Thunk

2012-01-08T19:03:00.002+08:00

Heck, doesn't help that every single German person I talk to tells me Mannheim is the best econs uni in Europe, and doesn't help that my lovely German friends keep writing to me, and doesn't help that I keep meeting German people, and doesn't help that I keep seeing gorgeous pictures of Germany. Gah this is torture!

2011-12-09T20:34:00.002+08:00

PFFFFTTTTT.

I just came back from Friday Night Church, something that I almost never look forward to when I'm scheduled on, but always come home from refreshed, renewed and so so blessed. (I never learn, apparently)

Today was the same. I was snuggled in bed, one of the rare days I had all to myself, and come 4.30 I whined... "oh Godddd do I really need to go tonight?" Halfheartedly I plucked myself away from my book, got ready and headed off just in time to be late.

What an incredible Friday it was. Ps A had just come back from India and Cambodia, and he was sharing stories about how little the kids have but how much they loved God and the people around them. And then Casey got up and shared come giving time about how 2 dollars can change the world. literally. If everyone actually made the effort. And I was just bowled over again about how impactful selfless giving is. I mean, these are things I've known since I was a young girl and these are passions God has put in my heart - to care for the needy and to be conscious of how I can make a difference, and to be aware of how incredibly blessed we are in this part of the world. And tonight I was reminded again not to ever let that conscious thought get drowned out by my selfish desires and whims.

And then I come home to an email I was both hopeful to receive and dreading at the same time. And I just felt my heart sink. My hopes and dreams, something that I've so badly wanted for the past few months, something I've been praying so hard for and shed buckets of tears for and fought with my parents about - has culminated in this: nothingness. Square one.

I've sort of already anticipated it, tried to prepare myself for this eventuality. I wanted to have faith so badly, but truthfully, I didn't know whether that was part of God's plan for my life. It was 50-50 after all, to start off with. So I told myself come what may, be thankful and move on. But they always say the real thing is nothing quite like what you prepared for. And once again, this rang true.

It is quite devastating really. I feel like giving up altogether on the goals I've set in life, and just surrendering to a que sera sera attitude. A million thoughts and a deep whine is forming in me about how unfair life (and God) is, but I suppose the message I heard tonight, I heard for a reason. I am such a blessed child. I have everything I need and more. There are people across the world who would give anything to enjoy the same comforts I do. Yet I want more. More to satisfy my earthly desires. More so that I can enjoy and have fun. When will I learn to be completely thankful for the position that I'm currently in and to count my blessings?

SO disappointed in you at the moment, truth be told. Not that you didn't know. This whole drama was so unnecessary. I suppose it added to the fabric of my life and the stories I will live to tell, but seriously? What the heck for?! I will be ok. I just needed to vent. And to indulge in some self-pity. I know you know what's best, so I surrender.

You know what's best.

2011-11-26T22:37:00.001+08:00

A Thanksgiving Prayer & a powerful reminder

Dear Lord, I couldn't move into another year without apologizing for the things I should've said earlier and didn't, and acknowledge the times I could've done better but didn't. Thanks for moving me while I grumbled about the changes you made. And thanks for the things you steered me past that could've tripped up my destiny. Thanks for the mountains you sent to give me a place to exercise my faith. I'm sorry I was so worried about who left me that I failed to thank you for who you let stay and I didn't even thank you that I am still here. You exposed me beyond my limitations, forced me to grow beyond my stagnation, and moved me from procrastination to a firm dedication to what is ahead! In spite of the blistering cold around me, I am warmed by your presence, kept by your grace, empowered by your faith in me, and strengthened by your patience. I want to thank you that I have known love, tasted laughter and have not had to live life without a touch. As the year closes, leaves change, temperatures plummet, birds migrate south and the freeze matriculates north, I too am now prepared. I have packed what I needed, discarded what restricted me, recycled what I could, and at last in the true spirit of Thanksgiving, I thank you God, I too, am finally ready to move on. Amen.

-T D Jakes

2011-11-19T18:57:00.001+08:00

So what if obedience and sacrifice are one and the same?

2011-11-15T18:17:00.003+08:00

Attempting to climb coconut trees in Malacca. Learning to use the word 'bastard' from my cousin. Bicycle rides around the village with her. Watermelon patch. Falling into the drain and being hosed off by mama while crying my heart out. Being scratched on the forehead by ah mei. Being a kid-bitch. Assuming the role of noise-police in class so I was hated by classmates. Calling then-bestie over the phone everyday to ensure I didn't get any math answers wrong so as to avoid being caned. Erecting a 'memorial' with the neighbourhood kids in honour of a dead actress. Pou pou the daschund. Being jealous of Grace in kindy. Swimming lessons with the cell group kids and Mr Bikini. Straight-A student who's possibly the most un-streetsmart kid around. Sadness. Emotional pain. Screaming because I wasn't allowed to watch tv. That time when my mom read my diary and I lost it. Walls put up. That time when papa scolded me, the only time he ever has in his life. Fighting with ah mei every Sat morning. Feeling like shit because I wasn't as manually dexterous as some of the other girls in Rangers. Breaking down due to massive expectations and responsibilities in 'ministry'. Generally happy but always striving to become something else. Speeding away in that white kancil. One-liners over the phone. Hurt. Disillusionment. Prophecies. Beauty for ashes. Contagious joy. ENFP/J. Always feeling like there's more. Discontented. Never feeling like I fit in. Keeping busy to appear busy. Running. Always running. Respite in Pappa Rich nasi lemak with Kim. Drives in her car. Talks. For hours. Praying together. Tears. Lots of tears. Dreams. Brooke Fraser. Drums. Always wishing I could play better. Always wanting to live on a beach. Listening. Peace-making. Melbourne. Airplane with Anna. Talks that brought a bunch of friends together. The sixers. Burnt out weekends. Hamster on a wheel. No space to breathe. Dance. Wishing I danced more. Clutter. Lots and lots and lots of clutter like you wouldn't believe. Responsibility. Seriousness. "Holiness". No snakes. Coming to love my sister so much that each time I think of us I want to cry. Joy at seeing her growing into her own person though she is so much like me. Responsibility. Money. Independence. Envy. Restlessness. Movies. Hangouts with Ivan. Talks with Bawanie and Kim. Siyan staying over. Lunch with Ian and Siyan. Remembering Ian and the way his life was cut short. Miracles. Praying for a miracle. Running all over town in search of a miracle. Hoping. Desperate cries. Insecurity. That time I had dinner with a bunch of cool people. Boy talks. Chicken pox and Linkin Park. My first email account. Neopets. Internship. Teaching kids at the tuition centre. Hating school with a passion. Indoctrination. Syarahan. Story-telling. Skinny as hell. Eventually coming to belong in youth. Learning to love myself and know that I'm beautiful. That attempt to talk in the car and vowing I'll never tell her anything again simply because of the way she responded. Hurt. Hurt so deep I became numb to it. Putting on a show. Short skirts. Covering up. So many chains that bind. Grey's Anatomy and 24 with the sister. Comforting her in the car after the poor kid was yelled at during Christmas. Having to grow up. Christmas joys and eye-rollings. Walls. Emails. Zoo with the family. Chinese New Year movies. That time we left koko at home because he was late. Rice on floor that chap goh mei. Orange plastic plates. Boat trips to Pulau Ketam every chap goh mei. Papa horsing around with ah mei. ah mei and her wah lai toi shows.... This is going to take me forever if I go on...

I don't know why, but at some point this afternoon, I just stopped to think about my journey so far. Having lived 21 years, I'd like to think I'm so young and I've got a wealth of experiences to go through before I finally retire, old and wrinkled and surrounded by the people whom I love/love me. But I also realized, at some point this afternoon, that I've been toying with the idea that I've grown up up too fast. I can't deny it. I had to grow up too fast. I had to build walls around my heart. I had to block some people out. Maybe it was choice, maybe I didn't have to. But still. The fact is, my heart is flippin fortified. I felt this constant need to live up to other people's labels and expectations of me as a person. I suppose I'm naturally good at leading, but these expectations made me feel like I HAD to do things I didn't want to. Just looking back at all my experiences, heck, that was a hell lot for a child to handle. I mean, it wasn't all bad. There were a whole lot of wonderful experiences thrown into the mix. But you know how we tend to remember the pain better. I'm getting all emotional just reliving those experiences again, and I don't know if I wish it was different. Maybe I'm a better person because of all the pain. Maybe I'm more empathetic because of all my hurt. Maybe I'm more long-suffering due to my *insert swear word here* Chinese-school education. And I actually think I am. I am the sum of all my experiences.

Someone once told me God is giving me beauty for ashes. My two years in Adelaide is slowly bringing that word to life. I can't thank God enough for bringing me here. It's been one heck of a bittersweet journey, more valleys than mountaintops, but oh my god. Just the growth I've experienced. The change. The new things. The stripping away of things that bind. The growing into intimacy with Christ. The stripping away of religion. The learning to be vulnerable again. The learning to be real. The rest. The freedom. GOD, the freedom. TRUE freedom, not just from doing things, but in life and relationships. I wouldn't trade these things for the most incredible mountaintop experinces in the world (real or metaphorical). And sometimes I have to remind myself of that.

I've got so much more learning and growing and experiencing to do. But at this point, I'm just restful. Partly because I'm done with uni for the year, partly because my current situation of waiting is causing me to have to purge emotionally, partly because I'm just thankful. For the wealth of emotions and experiences that God has given me. Heck yeah it's crap while you go through the refining fire. But once you cross over and start looking back, you realize you wouldn't really have had it another way.

So thank you God. I realize I'm such a whiny kid sometimes when I can't bring myself to expand my vision, but today is one of those days I'm expanding it. So thank you. You are amazing. <3

2011-11-13T00:47:00.002+08:00

Wow. Totally just had one of those incredibly epic nights you never plan for/expect.

The two cross-continent Skype chats I just had was bittersweet. On the one hand, I loved every second of chatting with these two girls who will without a doubt become lifelong friends, and I loved to hear all the exciting stuff that's happening in their lives. It made me happy to hear their stories and blessed to know they loved me enough to tell me, and that is such a joy - friendships that transcend time and location.

But on the other hand, it brought a bout of self-pity I have not experienced in quite some time, and tonight I faced those demons again. I have to remind myself that I am incredibly blessed in so many ways, and I should never EVER compare myself to anyone else. Who are we to dictate what's true happiness or not anyway. In every experience, in every situation and circumstance, there's a lesson to be learnt and a memory to cherish. And even though so far things haven't turned out the way I idealistically expected them to while all seems to be rosy for my girls, it's not fair on me if I allow envy to take over. Because I know that everyday I am being shaped and molded into all that I can be through all the persevering I'm doing. So to wallow and whine is to NOT celebrate the greatness that is to come. And that is unfortunate. And so I run and keep running, knowing that all things will work out for the good of those who trust Him.

Just a conflicting mix of emotions that I needed to get out there. Times like these, I thank God I have this space to vent.

Also thinking of you, bestie, and praying for your family.

Also thinking of you, Mr bicycle, and your interesting development.

2011-11-06T21:35:00.001+08:00

‎"For the agony, I'd rather know. 'Cause blinded I am blindsided."

But I know that's not the way He rolls. And so I wait.

Must make a mention here of how much I love Bon Iver. And how much I absolutely adore the song Blindsided! For more reasons than one.

Today,

2011-10-20T20:45:00.002+08:00

I faced my fears and confronted the bus driver about being late (again). It sort of backfired and he made ME feel like I was in the wrong, but at least I spoke up and stood up for my rights.

I felt like there's been too many coincidences over the past few days for me to brush this dream under the carpet.

I sat and chatted over a small capp with people whom I love hanging around and getting to know.

I was overjoyed when these two stared at me, reading into my soul while gushing about how they can see me travelling the world as a journalist. It was "so me," they said.

I realized that God speaks through people you least expect to hear from Him through.

I was reminded that it's not going to happen without faith.

I am stirred into a deeper level of faith as I teeter on the edge of making the biggest decision of my life since coming here.

Today

was a good day, notwithstanding the rain and the late bus. Better days are yet to come. And they will.

2011-10-12T20:54:00.002+08:00

Bad timing to be thrown this bundle of emotions. A rude shock. And a realization of how much I actually REALLY want this to work out.

My heart's reaction causes me to question if I've just been paying lip service to the notion of "His will be done" all along. As much as I've chosen not to think about it and trust that if it's meant to be then it will happen, I am quite taken aback at how that short conversation affected me so much and stole my faith so easily. Maybe I have to rethink things. Whether I've truly grown in faith, whether I've learnt to really rely on Him rather than on my whims.

Coping mechanism kicked in instantly: to write. (On twitter, no less)

Here's a reminder. Lest I lose sight.

"Dear me, come what may, don't lose sight of the bigger picture and The Perfect Will. Rejoice. Embrace. Persevere. Celebrate. Come what may."

2011-10-12T19:09:00.002+08:00

I have figured out why writing a paragraph about a topic I like which would probably take someone else about 1 hour to complete, takes me about 3.

It's because I dream and get distracted while attempting to complete the task at hand. I see and I smile and I listen and I think as I devour the stuff that pop up on my computer screen when my head is lost to my fingers. I live in possibilities and beauty and all things fantasy and faerie-like. I don't have a prolonged attention span. I hate being confined to what I HAVE to do, rather than what I WANT to do. I don't roll like that, yo.

Case in point: I LOVE studying international politics. I love rocking up to class and listening to intelligent stuff and figuring out the theories and observing the sort-of debate that takes place in tutes. I LOVE reading about Somalia and understanding the nuances that led to what's happening there at this point in time.

What I do NOT like, on the other hand, is this agenda of researching and gathering specific points to write a specific essay which I probably wouldn't remember a year from now to pander to someone else's specific academic demands. I do not like being forced (by no one but myself really) to remember stupid macroeconomics graphs and the causal effects of this and that and everything in between. I do not like conducting research from all these books strewn across my floor, looking for a specific point in 10 500-page books which will fit into the theoretical window that I'm expected to tackle the topic from.

I work best in my head, at my pace, when I want to, wherever I want to.

It's just a pity that this world keeps spinning madly on whether I choose to keep up or not. I experience bouts of sudden inspiration when I go heck, screw all these responsibilities and expectations and need-to-accomplish's I'm just going to enjoy the ride. And then reality kicks in and I realize if I merely dance and paint and sing and play music and read all the time, I will stay true to my heart and I will probably be the happiest girl on earth. But I'd probably also end up in poverty with no goverment that cares about me enough to make out fortnightly Centrelink payments to a sufficient extent that I can chuck a surfboard on my littlemisssunshine van and drive up the coast and surf all day long.

So it's the suffering now for a possible future when I'll have enough money to occasionally follow my heart, or a screw the world attitude now for a possible future of abject poverty which would mean no heart-following. Because who are we kidding? Even in this uncertain doomsday economic climate, and as much as I scrunch my nose up at the Asian notion of 'study hard for a better life' philosophy, money is still what makes the world go round isn't it?

So, get back to your Somalia essay NOW. You don't really want to fail the subject do you? pfft.

2011-09-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

"As readers revisit The Communist Manifesto on its 150th anniversary, those on the left and the right have been struck by the eerie way in which its 1848 description of capitalism resembles the restless, anxious and competitive world of today's global economy"

Paul Lewis, New York Times 1997

2011-09-16T01:38:00.003+08:00

It's been bubbling within me for quite a while now, I think I just gotta vent tonight.

My international studies lecturer is someone I greatly respect and admire, if not for the fact that he's a great teacher and always tries to be objective, then for the fact that he's incredibly smart (how the heck does one even achieve that level of intellect and wide-ranging global knowledge?!)

But he's very openly critical of the church, specifically the evangelicals. Who can blame him, if you look at the way faith is exploited in the USA to garner political support for the right-wingers, and if you consider the way the state has been controlled by the church in early modern times. And if you explore the host of other issues with the church that crop up in the media these days.

To be honest, if I wasn't a Christian and I was on the outside looking in, I would be very very critical of all these "happy-clappers" as Glenn likes to term me, irking me to no end.

And whenever this discourse takes place in class - well actually, thank God there never really is a discourse. It's always him giving his two-cents worth about the "evangelical agenda" - I sit in silence and try to gather my thoughts to come up with a coherent argument.

But I stumble short.

Because I know Christianity is based on faith. How do you explain in rational, cognitive terms something as inherently intangible and illogical as faith? How do you make a coherent argument about God's love without sounding like a wuss who's just walked out of the theater after watching A Walk to Remember, subsequently romanticizing everything in the way? How do you explain something supernatural which is so fundamentally a deep gut feeling without sounding, for lack of a better word, stupid? How do you defend the politicizing of "religion", which we know is NOT true Christianity, to benefit a small group of elites?

With everything that's portrayed in the media, I know that if I didn't know Christ for myself, I would be as openly critical as him about us. It is extremely frustrating, because my faith is something so personal and so divine that it completely defies logic and reason. The only way people could understand and believe it is if they have a supernatural encounter of their own. And by supernatural, I don't mean a lightning zap from heaven a la Paul who was struck blind. I just mean an encounter, an experience, a small act of kindness, that will, if not open their eyes to the truth all at once, then at least open the gateway to their heart into discovering more of the richness of being a follower of Christ. At the end of the day, everyone wants to know the truth. Everyone who gives a damn at all would go about trying to grasp the concept of religion. But therein lies the problem. Christianity is not based on works and acts and one man's teachings. You can't grasp the concept. You have to experience it for yourself. The love, the grace, the undeserved mercy. So incredibly hippie if I didn't know better. How do you convince people of that?

I think about this issue a lot, not because I'm extremely offended by D's insensitive attacks against my "religion" (I'm not!), but because I'm trying to form a logical argument from an intellectual perspective, and I come up short. Partly because faith defies logic, mostly because I'm not well-read enough.

I can only ask God to grant me wisdom, and to grant him an encounter that will radically change his life.

Such beauty makes me wonder why I'm still in uni

2011-08-21T23:00:00.003+08:00

rather than doing dance. Or at least doing dance in tandem with uni.

Why do I let the worries of the future and this socially constructed Asian mentality that traditional Asian ideas of a good education = future success ?

Why do I have this incessant desire to score D's and above and nothing less than? Is that going to get me anywhere in life?

And why do I let this desire consume my thoughts and prevent me from pursuing other passions? ie music, dance, outdoor adventures?

I'm restless. And I know it's self-inflicted, albeit much influenced by my upbringing. But really, that's no excuse. If I really wanted to be free (in a secular sense), I could.

I could throw caution to the wind. I could resist thinking about the bank account. I could be selfish (occasionally I am anyway - but I'm talking all the time). I could be my own person in all my glory. I could rest. I could do. I could go. I could stop.

What's holding me back?

Too much. That's what.

Adelaide is clean

2011-07-09T17:38:00.001+08:00

Adelaide stands with fellow clean Malaysians in solidarity!!

2011-07-06T22:46:00.003+08:00

I am almost afraid to hope for a better Malaysia with people like that in power

Obviously anyone in their right mind who's a recipient of such uncalled-for provocation would be inclined to respond with hate. It is, after all, human nature. What more from a national leader who is supposed to be representing the people. I myself felt like slapping him the first time I watched this video. I proceeded to watch his other videos containing even more outrageous statements. And then I wondered what really is the driving factor behind his passionate attempt not just to uphold the "rights" of the Malays, but what seems to be an intention to deliberately marginalize the "other" communities in Malaysia as well. Does he have a mental issue (racism notwithstanding)? Has someone close to him once been stood up by a Chinese businessman? Who played a role in his education and shaping his thoughts?

It scares me to know that he does not stand alone in harbouring these racist thoughts. He is in fact the leader of a GROUP of Malaysians who refuse to accept people not of the same blood as them. I despise the fact that in my own nation, I am considered to be a foreigner unworthy of the rights and opportunities that others who also call Malaysia home enjoy.

This issue has been blogged to death and many have waxed lyrical about injustices in Malaysia. I am no different. But another complaint, another rant, another long spew of hatred will not change anything.

What I am interested in rather, is what goes through the minds of fascist Malays? What is it about the other "races" (to hell with that word honestly) that scares them so, that they have to resort to inane, sometimes literally unbelievable (think sex videos) tactics to ensure the opposition which is arguably truly One Malaysia (or at least more so than the current government) does not come to power?

Are they so immune to the 21st century where technology and democracy cannot be run from, that they truly do not realize that their ridiculous behaviour will only fuel people power?

It is as though they are on a mission to wipe out the other "races" from Malaysia. But why? They obviously think the Chinese have too much of a share of the economic pie. And they obviously feel threatened. BUT WHY NOT WORK AS HARD to acheive what you want to? Why resort to trampling over the heads of others to wrest what they have? Are you acknowledging that you are an inferior people incapable of acheiving what others can through sheer hard work and determination?

And I hate the fact that I harbour slight prejudices towards the Malay race in general simply because of comments like Ali's, which has not been a one-time affair or a one-person tirade. I have one or two good Malay friends, and I love them for who they are, not their race. I never judge a person I personally meet based on sweeping labels, but I am ashamed to admit I have in general formed mindsets about the Malays in general. And until this fascist section of the society is rooted out, how do you expect me, or anyone else, to change mindsets?

It pains me that Malaysia is in such a sorry state - divided by medieval notions of race. Admittedly, I am excited at everything that's currently happening in terms of the rally calling for clean and fair elections. We have for far too long been silent and far too long been driven by race issues that we do not realize the grave reality of the flawed electoral system in Malaysia.

To have such a national movement at this point in time is such a big encouragement. But I am honestly afraid to hope. Despite the scale of Bersih, how effective will it be in actually up-hauling the system? This coming elections will be the most crucial one in a very long time. It will also be the most crucial one for many years to come. RPK once said if we don't win this round, we probably never will again, and Malaysia can only be heading downwards. I want to hope for a better Malaysia, but I can only sigh in not knowing.

"Dalam pertandingan, tentulah ada yang tewas. Tetapi biarlah kita tewas dan kita puas hati. Biarlah rakyat negara ini rasa mereka tewas bukan kerana ditipu" - Zaid Ibrahim, speech during Hulu Selangor by-election 2010

This is all I want. But is even this too much to ask?

2011-06-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

So this is it! It's tomorrow! I don't think I've ever been so stressed for an exam. Or maybe I have, I can't remember. But this is seriously, seriously quite worrying (understatement). Spent the whole of today going through all my tute papers again, and yet I still make mistake after mistake. I am actually quite prepared for this exam considering my notes and revision over the past weeks, but for some reason that doesn't translate into actual CORRECT results, which is of utmost importance when you're doing a subject like financial economics.

In my last post I mentioned that I have had a certain amount of fun doing this course. And I maintain that. I love knowledge, and even if I may not be an expert in it after trying so hard, I'm glad I chose to do this course, because it is so much easier to understand and interpret real financial news (not that I've read much of them but I assume if I do it'll be much easier to understand) and I like being in the know. It's precisely for courses like that - that spur me to understanding and self-improvement - that I've wanted to come to uni for, and I'm glad I chose to do this course. Despite the countless nights over the past week of heartaches and near-to-meltdown moments I've had trying to figure out why the answer is 171.546 and not 171.253 or sth.

So here's to tomorrow, and the hope that all that hard work put in (over the past two weeks, remember, because I've slacked throughout the sem? ha) will translate into good results.

I'm so thankful for all the ppl keeping me in prayer - some back home who have always been rocks in my life, but more surprisingly for this particular period, the wonderful ppl at OCF who have been SO supportive and SO encouraging. I've had messages and prayers sent to me consecutively for the past few days, and I'm just so blessed that despite having only joined a couple of weeks and being quite irregular at that i must say, everyone has just been so thoughtful, and knowing that we're keeping each other in prayer is such an encouragement. Feels just like back home =)

To tomorrow. Let's do this and get it over with babehh!!

2011-06-18T19:52:00.003+08:00

Today was such a special day for me I spent the whole morning journaling, talking to God and just being in awe of all that He is doing in me. Intimacy and restoration #thoughtoftheday

Anyway, I got led here because I needed to say this... financial economics has been fun to a certain extent, because I know I'm learning practical, real world stuff, but I'm horrified more than anything that at this point, I don't even know simple terms like "discount rate". Granted, I have not done any first year finance/business courses at all and took the plunge into FE thinking I'm smart enough (which maybe I am but only the results will tell), but I'm also quite irritated at myself for spending most of this semester commuting, cooking, washing the dishes and being on Facebook. (In other words, bad time management) - the result that I have not spent as much time as I should have studying and catching up on lost first-year ground.

And I'm paying for my slackness now, a week before the exams. There is SO much to remember, and absolutely not enough time to remember and understand them all. Only a miracle can save me now. OK I'm being melodramatic but really, if I do well (which I still hope I will, against all odds), it can only be God.

And to think I've not even STARTED studying maths econs, and I've skipped all the lectures... omg I sometimes don't believe myself.

Back to the books! I can dooooo thissss through Christ who strengthens me!

I have the bestest best friend in the whole wide world!!

2011-05-25T21:05:00.005+08:00

So I turned 21 yesterday, but I believe the magic only started today =) Because I received the best birthday gift ever today after coming home from an wonderful afternoon, which I believe aside from God's gift of salvation, trumps all the other gifts I've received throughout the years.

My best friend put together a packet of handmade goodies from which I could almost literally feel the love oozing out, and I am so overwhelmed I don't know what to say.

I was initially going to play the CD in the pack while doing some stuff online (writing this blog post for example) and then proceed to read everything, but I put in the video CD instead, which was a recording of birthday messages from the people I treasure most from all over the world - KL, London, Madison, Melbourne, and I just started crying bucketloads of tears. Just looking at all these gorgeous faces again, and to know that Siyan, despite her busy schedule, took time aside to put this together, made me feel like the most special girl in the whole world.

And that was just the start.

Look at all these goodies!!

There was a gorgeously put together compilation of notes from everyone in cell back home, SEWED together so delicately I'm almost tempted to wear gloves while handling it so as not to wreck it,

there was a pretty photo collage of all the wonderful people in my life, thoughtfully decorated with little paper doilies at the back of the pictures,

A mixtape that came in a beautifully hand-painted cover tied with a lilac flower ribbon, with the playlist carefully written inside (which I haven't really looked at because I don't want to spoil the magic)

and probably my favourite of the lot, a handmade, intricately stitched CD holder with the cutest Twitter-looking bird in front and my name on it! My fav because there's so much intricate needlework and I know Siyan spent heaps of time on this =) Plus, it holds the CD that just wrecked me. Mind you, I haven't even watched the other video, which I believe was of all the gorgeous people at cell back home. I'll be reduced to a puddle of tears after this ;p

And of course, I can't wait to read this! Because the words inside come in an aerogramme, which holds so much special meaning and memories of the special phone conversation with Siyan in form two in which we were both gasping for air at the end of a 3-minute long laughing session,

From my most awesome friend indeed!!! =D

I love you soooooooo much, Loh Siyan!! You're an irreplaceable gem in my life, and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for you!!

Here's to you, the bestest, awesomest, incrediblest fwen in the whole wideeee worllddd!!

Sandy asked me just now what I wanted for my 21st. I told her about this package, and I said there's nothing else I would want for my 21st (except for contributions to my inexistent yet WV fund, in which I aim to get enough contributions to sponsor a child), because I don't think any other material gift in life will ever trump this. These are things I am going to pass down to my grandkids, and if I ever put together a fire-pack, the ones where you put all your most important documents together in case of an emergency, this entire package will be the first things to go in there.

Thank you Siyan for making my 21st a truly special one from a thousand miles away =)

Now excuse me folks while I go back to crying and basking in all this love! =)

My parents can be quite cheeky apparently =)

2011-03-30T21:17:00.003+08:00

So my dad does nerve testing in a hospital back home, and my mother recently has been having intense numbness in her finger which wakes her up at night, which my dad suspects is carpal tunnel syndrome, so they went to the hospital he works in to get her finger tested.

And they decided they would act like they don't know each other while doing the test because the hospital is actually paying him for this and it's just professionalism I guess. So my dad is in the testing room, and my mother walks in, and it's just the both of them at night, and the nurse thought it was appropriate to come in and ask if my dad wanted someone else in the room and he went 'yeah yeah sure'. So the nurse came in to observe.

And my mom isn't all that discreet for those who know her. Apparently the nurse suspected something was going on between them, and when they went to make payment, the nurse asked lots of questions and even went downstairs after that to see what was going on between these two.

My dad was like, "she's probably going to tell the doctor (close family friend anyway) that I'm up to some hanky-panky and hitting on the patients and that he should keep an eye on me"

OMG so funny, I laughed so hard I cried. I think it was way way way funnier when my dad was relating the story. Unbelievable. Who knew my parents were capable of pulling a stunt like that (although their attempt was quite noobish la hehe). Still, made my day. Story to pass on to grandkids!

SO

2011-03-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

I can either drive myself nuts trying to understand determinants, or I can start reading about realism with LNA streaming on Youtube, which would seriously be a breath of fresh air right now. God knows I need it. OHMIGAWD what the heck have I gotten myself into enrolling into maths econs?! *deep breaths*

It's been an incredible few weeks back in Adelaide aside from the mentally-draining maths, with the possibility of going cliff jumping again tomorrow. Gosh so excitinggg!! Monday afternoon with a familiar face from back home and the gorgeous beach all to ourselves! That's if it happens la. In the meantime I will dream.

I'm so so tired aside from that. Been helping with the kids space station all weekend. And the laundry needs to get done. And errands need to be run. Aargh.

This is such a bipolar post la! I hope no one's reading my blog anymore. It feels a lot better when I type nonsense and know that no one is reading it...

Okaayy. Stop rambling suling!!

December 2010, when bliss and sadness meshed as one in a full display of human emotion

2010-12-29T12:05:00.003+08:00

I've had so much to write for the past couple of weeks, don't know if I remember all of them or if my writing skills could possibly do justice to my emotions and all I want to say.

December 2010 has been such an incredibly blessed month for me. I've travelled to more places than I ever have in my entire life (well technically I only went to China and Singapore but that's more countries in one month than I've travelled in years!); I've returned home to my sweet sweet kampung where I got to see my family again and where everything is still the same aside from the smooth flowing Klang bridge which adds to the sweetness of Klang; but most importantly, I had one whole month to spend with my aunt whom I've not seen in years because she lives in NY. And that one month expired this morning. Is this what a breakup feels like? Because it's odd how we bonded so much over one month, and even though we have not seen each other for years before this, we're both on such similar wavelengths it's heartwarming how we just picked up where we left off. And her being back just brought everyone together, and I think we had more large scale family dinners in the past week than we have in... years? Now she's gone back, and I'll prob only see her when I graduate in 2012, and I cannot friggin wait!! I miss her!! I wasn't particularly wrecked driving back from the airport this morning, but the sadness comes in waves. Sigh. Helps to keep my mind occupied on other things I guess.

China was an incredible experience. How many people can truly say they went back to their ancestral village and got in touch with their relatives in China? I can. And they were so enthusiastic to have us, so giving of whatever little they have, so ready to go out of the way to make our stay as pleasant and comfortable as possible. I honestly feel quite ashamed of myself. I went to China totally unprepared, with no expectations and no intention of keeping in touch with any one of my newfound relatives after returning home to Msia, but they made the effort to get my number and email address, and have kept in touch (quite over-enthusiastically I must say) ever since. But one thing that struck me was how important family was to them, even those from faraway lands they've never met and don't share anything in common with. Famliy roots are so incredibly important to the Chinese and if they had the opportunity I bet they would be at our doorstep visiting us every year. It was a quite a paradigm shift for me to see how much emphasis the Chinese place on familial ties. We were literally treated like celebrities! I started to wonder what has become of our society over here, we're so caught up in our own little happy lives that we've no space left for distant relatives we share the same roots with. Well maybe it's just me lah. But all in all, though China was an incredible experience in terms of seeing and experiencing the very village my grandfather lived in though I've never met my grandpa, I hated the third-class mentality that the Chinese have. I was griping to my sis all along the trip that I will never come back to China. So what if they have beautiful high rise buildings and high speed bullet trains and flashy cars and all that jazz? Doesn't change their penchant for milking as much money as they can out of unassuming tourists, doesn't make them conscientious, doesn't change one bit of the widespread corruption, doesn't make courtesy and hygiene a national priority, doesn't make the government acknowledge that free speech is an inherent right of every citizen. I cannot imagine myself living in "modern" China, though I have much love for those living in REAL China and would love to spend some time there for however long to make a difference as much as I can. The old people are super fit though, I don't know how they do it seriously. They smoke like chimneys (I think i've secondhand smoked more in those 10 days than I have in my entire life, ferreal) and eat all the animal fat they can and drink tea out of cancer-causing flimsy plastic cups I was afraid to drink from and torture their physiques with back-breaking work, and still they're up and about at 80ish years of age with no sign of illness plaguing so many 60-year-olds here. Incredible stuff I tell you. The secret has got to be Chinese tea and their self-planted veggies. Oh sorry, I should have mentioned where I went. I was in my relatives' place in Yunfu, Guangdong Province for a few nights, then I was at Guilin and Yangshuo, and then I went back to Yunfu, and then we spent one night in Guangzhou. Most of the trip I passed by in a half-asleep state of mind in a car/van/bus, and some of the rest was spent attempting to speak in pidgin Cantonese or playing with babies called Ah Lok and Ah Hin (my favouritest boy in the whole world for now), and the rest was spent feasting my eyes on the wonderful vistas and the host of colourful cultural stuff on display. I did have a great time, but I have to admit, the attitude of the Chinese made me miss civilization and returning home!

3 days after returning back, I went to Singapore, which either has nothing much to shout about or is a place you shouldn't go to with an aunt and her two equally-aged friends. Honestly the only reason I went was to spend time with my aunt. Plans to go to the zoo (the only place I mentally planned to visit) fell flat when we were told by passers-by not to waste our money. Furthermore it was a rainy night and we lived about 40 minutes away from the zoo. So yeah, we just hung around in Marina Bay Sands, spent too much money on unnecessarily expensive food, watched some pole-top performers (not to be confused with pole dancers) from Singapore. If you ask me, that was one of the hightlights of the trip. The other two were - 1.discovering the arts library in the Esplanade where you can borrow all sorts of artsy stuff from dance books, play scripts, music scores, DVDs, CDs, CDs and MORE CDs, Jazz CDs, Samba Jazz CDs... my eyes went wide. I went "Saaaammmm, can borrow for me ahhhhh?" he just smiled and went "errr dunnola, maybe *shrugs*" in the typical Sam manner. But dood, Samba Jazz CDs!!! If only we had something like that in Klang, or even Subang. Haih when will Malaysia ever keep up? 2.the National Geographic store in Vivo City. I was pleasantly surprised to see how huge it is inside, and how eclectic and exotic their products were. And boy was I happy to discover Putumayo CDs being sold! I've been a closet Putumayo downlo, er, filesharer, and I never could find the CDs in local stores, so to see them in the Nat Geo store was quite a happifying incident. I vowed to buy them when I eventually marry a millionaire. So yeah, I guess those were the two highlights of my current Singapore trip. Aside from the walking, talking, money-spending and diarrhea-suffering, there was not much else to shout about. Unless there's a music fest or some other specific event that captures my attention, I don't foresee myself going back down south anytime soon. Oh did I tell you I puked at the JB checkpoint? Gawd, what an experience to remember. Thank God I had the brains to request for a plastic bag at the previous pit stop. Or I would have been left behind by the bus to help clean up the mess I reckon.

Today, my aunt left =( But there are greater things to look forward to. Here's to a great 2011 and to even better experiences ahead!

2010-10-29T21:43:00.003+08:00

Thank you, lovely ladies who made this all happen! Was sick of studying interest rates and loanable funds and velocity of money, so I decided to dig out these little colourful sweethearts, some of which made me tear and reminded me again how much I mean to you all. Oh whoops I meant how much you all mean to me! ;p

Thank you and you, for having the long-sightedness to have everyone present that day write me a note, just reading them again was an incredible refreshment and a reminder of how blessed I am to have all of you in my life! You ladies are such gems! Especially you, my wonderful guardian angel who's my mentor, friend and 2nd mother, you who played such a big part in shaping me into who I am today. I can't wait to go home to see you all!! Keeeeninggg up! =)

And you bestie and you sixers! Postcards and lovely things from KL, New York, Madison, London, Cardiff... my word you girls make me happy! Love and miss y'all!!

2010-10-27T19:02:00.002+08:00

Again, got something worth sharing in my email from dad.

I remember once having a quote from Maya Angelou as my blog header. I've since deleted it and forgotten how it went. She has not ceased to fascinate me though.

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting...'

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day.....like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.

The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back...'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug or just a friendly pat on the back...'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

2010-10-22T14:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I like to think distance mends brokenness. And that time heals old wounds. But all it took was ONE little trigger to make me realize I haven't actually grown as much as I thought I had, and that I hadn't actually let go. That wound is still open. And I desperately want closure. Preferably with no scars thank you. So God help me.

2010-10-15T20:36:00.002+08:00

What an absolutely amazing night at Edge Together tonight! We had Robert Ferguson from Hillsong, and he was talking about the theology of coincidences. Yeah, I know, say whaaaaat?

So he goes on this storytelling mode about how his life is constantly made up of what we would term "coincidences", or "happenstance" - talking about a Brazilian church to a woman one day and walking into his office the next moment having someone pass him a long-lost CD of his preaching in that same Brazilian church years ago; travelling in the desert being a Tintin fan wishing there would be an eclipse and lo and behold it happened, meeting his brother's neighbour from an obscure English village halfway around the world in Australia... and other incredible stories. but in his many years of walking with God and having an intimate relationship with Him, he has come to realize that many times, these coincidences are just a part of God's bigger plan to bless him, simply because God loves him.

And why wouldn't we believe that? Is God really so busy that He wouldn't take the time to shower us with surprises once in a while? Simply because as our father he loves us and wants to see us smile? And for Him to care even about the birds of the air and the flowers in the field, what is too hard for Him? Why do we worry about life and all its trappings? He is way bigger than our circumstances!

For I am about to do a brand-new thing. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness for my people to come home. I will create rivers for them in the desert! Isaiah 43:19

As superstitious as this sounds, I truly believe everything in our lives happen for a reason. We were intricately formed in our mother's womb and the fact that we're even alive goes to show that we matter enough for God to want to have a hand in journeying us through.

So here's the thing right,

I hear all of that and I'm amazed and I go, wow God, I'm never alone and everything that happens in my life is a part of your divine plan. I was truly blessed by what I heard.

I digress. A couple of hours ago I tweeted that I was turning into a 'dreaming machine fuelled by junk food' because, well, I am I guess. And then a friend replied with just the title of a book/movie: "the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy"! So I go, yeah I've got to check it out, because I remember a few weeks ago this movie came on the telly and Glenn and Sandy were talking about it and I've never heard of it till then, the only thing I gathered was that the film was a little trippy, which is good cos I enjoy trippy stuff. So after seeing his tweet I just thought ok I will have to check it out soon-ish, and then I headed out to church without giving it another thought.

AND THEN

I came home and got changed in Sandy's office cos my room is just way too cold, and she's got this bookshelf with heaps of books which have not been moved around in ages, and it's funny cos I've stood in that exact same spot many times before to get changed, but never laid eyes on this thick black tome sitting just at waist level. So for some reason I caught sight of that book tonight, and guess what book it was?

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Seriously, coincidence you say? Na-uh, don't think so!

I wonder what it is about this book that's so special that God would draw my attention to it. Well, I'll find out soon enough.

But really, what I got out of tonight was a three-point world view: Revelation, expectation, perception. Just going about life knowing and expecting God to be involved. We are after all His creation.

Tonight's message was so simple, almost superstitious-sounding if you were a skeptic, yet it was powerful stuff. If we would just be more deliberate in the things that happen in our lives, we would realize that nothing happens by luck, chance or coincidence. It's just God fulfilling His promise of walking life's journey with us. EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. With some incredible surprises thrown in once in a while simply because He can. And because He likes doing it. How awesome is that hei?

2010-10-15T13:45:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting at my desk looking out my big glass window, and I'm just blown away (quite literally) by how fickle the weather has been today.

It's been cold, rainy for the most part, with the sun displaying its gorgeous rays occasionally. The wind seems to have bursts of rage, and when its full fury is displayed, the trees cower in fear. Hail was predicted, but I've seen none of it as of yet. I told Glenn to wake me up if it happened.

It's a weird day really, one of the most interesting displays of all the weather elements in one go since I've been here. I can't help marveling at the beauty of surprises, at the unlikelihood of the sun, wind and rain meshing as one to produce something so inspiring. Yet the creator above has proven me wrong. What can He NOT do, seriously.

The birds are chirping away now. I wonder if a rainbow will appear. Or will dark clouds suddenly obliterate the sun again?

I find pleasure in observing and guessing, I guess.

2010-09-16T16:12:00.002+08:00

Well I used to think I'm one heck of a healthy girl - I rarely fall sick, even when people around me do. Two nights ago I was proved wrong and taught a lesson for drinking too much frizzante (who could resist, it was so good and I was helping to finish up the bottle!) Well by too much I mean more than one glass, without drinking water after that. Which is bad bad bad for your soul. Note to self: must always always wash down alcohol with heaps of water. I developed a fever during the night after that - it was terrible! I've almost forgotten what it's like to have a fever considering I've not had one since 3 years ago I think. I remember how as a young kid I'd hate falling sick not just because I'd feel physically horrible, but emotionally as well when my mom fusses around me with that worried look on her face and clucks her tongue repeatedly and berates me for not drinking enough water and stays up all night to sponge me, rendering my sleep fitful at best. Not a good thing for a feverish kid but oh well, my mom is one of a kind. So on Tuesday night I had a terrible night trying to sleep soundly, especially since it's still so cold in Adelaide. Still, thank God for making me well enough to head to class yesterday. Now my nose is still runny and hurting. I hate being sick! It makes you feel so... blahhhh!

But I think me falling sick is deserving of a blog post considering what a rare occasion it is! Plus it's my first in Aussieland ha.

Looking forward to the two-week break and all that it entails. Oh woohooooo!! ROAD TRIPPPPPPPP!!

2010-09-02T20:50:00.002+08:00

I got this in my email, and it was such a beautiful reminder I couldn't help pasting the whole thing on my blog - just to remind myself (and all of you reading this) time and again what it means to dream dreams.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

Heads bent together, they study what to me looks like a mess but to them looks like something beautiful. The table is littered with glue sticks, magazines, scraps of paper, and scissors. "Mom," my daughter informs me as she looks up, "We're making dream books." Her eyes shine with possibility. It is clear that she believes in the dreams she is pasting in her book.

Looking at her, I am reminded of my own little girl dreams, of a time that I saw life as bursting with potential: I simply had to believe hard enough to make those dreams turn into reality. Life had not taught me otherwise then.

I listen as they discuss what they are pasting into their dream books. "This," says my daughter's friend, "is my desk area. And this will be my husband's, right beside me," she says with satisfaction. I don't tell her that she might not be able to afford a house that is large enough for two desk areas. That her marriage may get to a point that her husband might not want to be right beside her.

"These are my twins," my daughter says, her face shining with enough pride that they could be her real children. "Their names are Hunter and Hannah." I don't tell her that her husband may not like the names Hunter and Hannah. That she may not be blessed with twins, with children at all. I don't cloud their dreams with the realities of adulthood. I turn my attention to the dinner that needs to be cooked, the pressing needs that seem to overtake what I once dreamed.

But in my heart, I feel God whisper, What are your dreams? Have you forgotten? Have you lost hope? You could take a lesson from your little girl. I am challenged to hang onto what I once believed about life—to not let setbacks and heartbreak scream louder than the echoes of my dreams. What kind of woman can I be if I have stopped believing that dreams can come true? What kind of home can I create if it's a place where dreams are discarded like the trash?

God has planted dreams in all of our hearts. He did not intend for our dreams to get trampled by our own busy feet. Just like my daughter and her friend catalogued their dreams, maybe it's time for you to take some inventory in your life. 2 Corinthians 9:8 tells us, "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work" (NIV). That includes your God-given dreams.

Do you remember your little girl dreams? What did they look like? Who did you dream of becoming? It's not too late to dream dreams, to envision a future that accepts reality, yet embraces potential. Just for today, allow yourself to remember your dreams. Smile, feel giddy, hope. Whether it's starting your own business, writing a book, having a great marriage, or running a marathon... whatever dreams stir your heart, don't push them aside today. Create your own dream book, even if the pictures are just painted on the canvas of your mind.

Just need to lepas stim so bear with me

2010-08-10T22:03:00.003+08:00

Times like these I feel like screaming my lungs out, or throwing durians at someone. The person who created the website preferably. Or the stupid question setter who can't even be specific in his instructions. I just spent more than an hour trying to search for information on a complicated website, and the answer was there all along, just in a different link. I didn't even need to think mathematically - the answer was set out right there! I WAS JUST LOOKING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES BECAUSE OF STUPID INSTRUCTIONS. ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH. Where are my durians!

Babi.

I'm gonna finish this stupid thing up and go eat, and then work on my presentation for tomorrow. Sigh to think I could have finished everything by now if only the instructions were clearer.

Joyful July was...

2010-08-01T16:12:00.003+08:00

when I hit the road three times in the space of two weeks with great people and emerged with great pictures and great memories to reminisce on after.

when I had the best ever homemade toasted sandwich on a hillock overlooking the city lights. Oh how blessed I am to have such an amazing view just down the road from where I live!

when I reflected again and reminded myself about turning moments into monuments.

when I whooped for joy and unbelief looking at my results for microecons, which reminded me of the love and prayers of my amazing bunch of prayer warriors, without whom I probably wouldn't have scored 90 marks. 90, no kidding. I still cannot believe myself sometimes.

when I realized, reading from John Eldredge's Walking with God, that I do not need to take life's many bulls by its horns, because I have an amazing God who wants to do it for me, only I've not really let him.

when I felt truly liberated, probably for the very first time since coming to this new land flowing with milk and honey (or rather wine and Farmer's Union Iced Coffee!), knowing that I do not need to well, struggle with life's bulls if only I'd learn to be intimate with the one and only who deserves it.

when a very special girl came from Gibraltar and became not just a good friend but a great blessing to many, in just the space of two weeks.

when friendships were strengthened. By a drive-in cinema, chicken rice, road trips, piano-playing, my China Today class and peach chicken, all happening only because of a visit from Gibraltar.

when I laughed. So much it gave me a stomachache/s.

when I learnt Spanish. ?Te amo con todo mi corazon. Eresla estrella de mi vida".

when I taught BM. "Bob, kamu busuk." "Takpeeee, aku nak makan kamu."

when I realized how much my fingers have missed caressing ivory and black keys in the presence of wonderful singers in an atmosphere of camaraderie.

when I felt like there was no way I wouldn't enjoy everyday of this new semester, warts and all.

when I threw every ounce of self-control out the window and smiled like an idiot for multiple hours a day staring at my screen watching how i met your mother, which is only so awe, awe, wait for it... some!

when I reminded myself I am encouraging, cheerful and brave amidst romantic candlelight with a great bunch of girls I dance, laugh, scream at supermario wii and bake cupcakes with.

July oh July, how you have reminded me what it means to live and and to live well. May this spirit not be confined just to moments in the past 31 days, but become a monument that stretches on into the horizon of the next two years and beyond.

2010-06-07T23:09:00.004+08:00

LMAO

From here

2010-05-31T22:02:00.001+08:00

‘You Christians look after a document containing enough dynamite to blow all civilization to pieces, turn the world upside down, and bring peace to a battle-torn planet. But you treat it as though it is nothing more than a piece of literature.’

Mahatma Gandhi, via What Direction?

2010-05-09T16:00:00.002+08:00

It's not just about credence, it's about confidence.
It's not just a moment of faith, but a journey of faith.

I absolutely love going to church weekly. I never fail to be inspired, encouraged, refreshed just soaking in God's word. And it's been great this past few weeks as Ps Jonathan has been speaking about how we always have a moment of great faith in God's presence, when we're in that moment communing with Him, but when we go on with life, on to Monday, Tues, Wed... how hard it is to keep the faith. It's so easy to lose sight of the fact that though our circumstances haven't changed, God is with us every step of the way, just giving us that extra push, extra grace, extra strength to keep running the race. And we know it, we just have to put it into practice! I'm so ready to face week 9, warts and all!

Through it all, I know without a doubt that my God is with me, just giving me that gentle strength and that whisper of comfort to keep running, and I WILL keep running, and when all is said and done, I want to be able to say I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, and I have kept the faith. For my God is awesome!

Had a truly awesome night listening to a cabaret choir, of which Tina and Adil was in. I'm glad Chloe decided to book a table, or else I probably wouldn't have gone. I absolutely LOVE choirs, especially if they're singing really happyfying songs and jazz! Yesterday's songs totally made me smile and lifted my spirits I just wanted to sing along! "I love coffee I love tea...It's the Java Jive!!" hahahahha oooh and you gotta check out the "love is the seventh heaven" music video by Sting! Apparently it's the craziest MV the choir director has ever seen. I'm gonna check it out right after this.

Headed to Chloe's place to spend the night after. Jean, Chloe and I ended up sharing girly stories, and it was so so awesome just having a good LOUD laugh over our boy stories, and how they just exist to complicate life! LOL! Looking back on my secondary school days now, I can't help rolling my eyes and laughing at myself sometimes! Boy how I've grown! And how I've moved on from chicken pox! hahahhahahha...

And then it was so fun to witness first-hand the women's wrestling sessions Jean and Chloe have just before bed nightly. Crazy stuff la those two. And oh so funnnnnyyyy!! So lovely to see housemates who are also best friends and who stick notes of encouragement for each other everywhere in the house!

More girly nights to come woohoo! This time at MY place! Or at Tina's, with her awesomely HUGE plasma screen tv and an endless stretch of DVDs! Can't waitttt!!

Heartbreak is when

2010-04-27T20:33:00.003+08:00

I get on the bus on a public holiday, which explains why I'm the only other person on it. I pick a seat facing the rear, which I almost never do because not all buses have seats facing the rear, so it really was a special bus that day. It's nice and quiet. I close my eyes, letting myself drift either into sleep or into silent communication with God.

A few stops after mine, a little boy bounces into the bus, followed by his mother - a punkish, too-young-to-be-a-mom 19ish-year-old. The little boy goes all the way to the back, while his mother picks a seat just in front of him, barely turning to see if he's comfortable or if he needs anything.

Little boy busies himself with his toy car and talking gibberish to himself. Sometimes he catches my eye, and I smile at him. He then proceeds to examine me with curiosity, and goes back to his toy car.

After a while, his cherubic little face starts to bore me and I retreat back into my mind.

Suddenly he goes: "Mommy, why does daddy live so far away?"

Mom doesn't reply, or she says something I can't quite remember to dodge the question. She barely turns to answer him. He doesn't look too convinced but lets it rest anyway.

A couple of minutes later, the little boy goes: "Mommy, can daddy come and live with us?"

Again, mom skirts around the question, mumbling something to appease him. He goes: "HUH? WHAT?" This time, mom replies, louder, irritated, angsty.

My curiosity is piqued. I tune my eyes and ears, all the while feeling my heart beating faster. I'm kepoh like that.

Things are quiet for a while. Little boy busies himself with his car, and I think i hear mom sniffle. Out of the corner of my eye I see her wiping her cheeks. Tears weren't visible from where I was sitting, but who knows.

Then little boy goes: "Mommy can I buy that shirt for daddy?" (or something along those lines)

"No, you've got to ask him yourself. I've got no money."

You could see the dejection in little boy's eyes as he turned to look out the window.

I say a silent prayer for him, asking God to protect him and love him. It was odd, I was just thinking to myself how gangster-ish he looked. Not that he was mischievous mind you, he was really a sweet little thing. But I saw that hint of a rebellious, angry streak in his angelic little face, and I couldn't help picturing what would become of him in 15 years' time.

Anyway, a couple of minutes later, little boy goes: "But mommy, I want daddy to come live with us! I want daddy to live with us!"

He is ignored by mom as she continues staring out the window. He repeats his request, this time louder, almost pleading.

Mom retorts suddenly: "He can't, ok?"

"Why?"

"HE JUST CAN'T!"

Little boy sprawls himself out over the bus seats. After a while mom goes: "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to sleep," and he bangs his feet against the bus windows.

I continued praying silently for mom and boy as I got off the bus. I can't quite get this episode out of my mind still. Children not only feel love, but also a LACK of which, and it's so sad that at such a young age, little boy has to live in an environment where his parents are absorbed in their own problems and barely bother to even talk to him. I can only pray this will not affect his future. Imagine growing up feeling completely alone, not really understanding what's going on between your parents, and largely left to fend for yourself. Love is such a powerful, essential feeling, it's life-ruining to live without it!

Sad as it may seem, little boy is but a statistic. His story is an incredibly worrying trend as more and more young people engage in pre-marital sex without considering the consequences. And when they inadvertently create babies, whom they think add to their problems, they can't find the ability or capacity to love. And the young ones grow up with a chip on their shoulder, appearing strong and stoic on the outside but really a wreck on the inside, not really knowing what love is and navigating life with hatred and anger.

It is so heartbreaking. I pray they find Jesus! Especially my little boy on the bus. He deserves so much better. sigh.

2010-04-23T15:46:00.002+08:00

It's amazing how a short time of chilling with people you're completely comfortable with just makes your day heaps brighter and reminds you of being home. Now all I'm looking forward to is tomato noodles topped with heaps of laughter tomorrow, and DJ Hero spun with more laughter on Monday =D =D =D

I've been wanting to write about this ever since I excitedly exclaimed to my fellow hikers at Morialta Falls the other day when I caught sight of a rainbow at the bottom of the waterfall as the sun split the water droplets into this ethereal belt of seven colours just above the pond. You often see rainbows in the sky, but how many at the bottom of a waterfall? It wasn't only an amazing sight, but one that was truly unique.

I couldn't help being reminded of God's promises and how He WILL take care of everything like He said He would. I wanted to believe it was a profound moment, but all it was, was a gentle, peaceful reminder from up above which I continue to hold dear, and which I know I can reflect upon when all seems bleak.

I sometimes wonder whether there's an easier way of doing life. Me now is not the me I expected I would be just 2 months ago. I had all these grandiose ideas of coming to dreamland and being truly contented, and hitting the beach like there was no tomorrow, and making friends which will remain for life, and having loads of time to read all the books I brought along with me, and spending more time in His presence, and even, lol, even playing Debussy on the piano, which is why I carted along the music scores I have yet to touch since I got here.

I want to rant sometimes. Why is it that this life never offers respite! Can't there be peace and quiet and nothing to do for once?! But then again when you stop to think, it's all about superior time management and character-shaping and looking past the impending deadlines into greater things God has in store and learning to find joy in the process. And as time passes on you come to realize deadlines are overrated. And so are footnotes.

All that matters is the rainbow at the bottom of the waterfall. And eternity (on a magic carpet)

2010-04-22T23:10:00.002+08:00

Go away, Mandarin spammers! Sheesh.

Stopping to smell the roses isn't as easy as it sounds, at least not to me. It takes considerable effort to count your blessings, to revel in the moment, to really live each day like there's no tomorrow. And to thank Him everyday, even if it's a Tuesday, even if the sun depressingly sets at 6pm, even if the shoes are wet from sloshing around in street water.

I can't believe I'm striving to smell the roses, when months ago it was all I ever wanted. Puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Between reality and fiction. Between having and hoping. If anything, this just reminds me that nothing on earth can ever satisfy. All we will want is more. More money, more free time, more books, more knowledge, more hours in a day, more fun, more laughter. But when all is said and done, when we finally rest our heads on our pillows at night, all that lingers is dissatisfaction at everything more, and an incredible anticipation for eternity.

Escapism?

But we are not long here. Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it!

2010-03-23T22:32:00.002+08:00

Haha I just realised why the first sentence of the previous post sounded so weird. It's "don't hold your breath", not horses. Hee trust me to screw up my idioms!

Always glad when I get Tuesday over and done with! Here I come, Wednesday!

Snappin outta the laziness to blog

2010-02-13T12:23:00.004+08:00

Sorryla, can't help it if I've been too lazy to update. Rest assured I'll be back periodically. But don't hold your horses kay =)

Adelaide has been really awesome. I'm sitting out on the patio now, where there's a really cooling breeze though the sun is shining bright. It's a good life =)

I went out to the city yesterday to explore. Went to check out my uni, walked around Rundle Mall which is really a shopping street, not a mall, and figured out the public transport. Buses are really efficient, to the point where it's actually COMPLICATED trying to figure out which buses ply which routes! They have a whole stretch of maps at the Adelaide Metro Centre, which is a one-stop centre for public transport.

There's a wunnerful river at the back of uni called Torrens River. I saw a duck ambling around yesterday. It was quite funny. I reckon I'll be hanging out on the banks quite often in the future, as I would be on the patio of my house. My house is lovely. I smell gum sometimes as there are lots of gum trees around. The silence at night is DEAFENING!! Probably cos like a true Msian, I sleep so late. Hahahah it's weird to have such penetrating silence!

Glenn and Sandy brought us out for fish and chips yesterday, apparently the best around. But because their EFTPOS wasn't working, we ended up at this Indian shop instead, where we had really good beef vindaloo and tandoori chicken and some other lamb dishes, but absolutely horrible naan. Ohh I'm missing Modern already! With the mint sauce and everything. Mmm. The waiter there from Bangladesh used to study in Taylors Subang and has been to Klang so I ended up chatting a little with him. I'm always gleeful when there's a happenstance like that!

Choi Ye has been so nice. It's good to have a fellow kampung kaki around to explain things and help with settling in. It feels quite weird to have peace and quiet and nothing much to do besides writing. (Ugh Jess, I have to top up the 10 articles by end of this month! Jeez. What a bummer) This is the kind of peace I have craved for everyday back home. Not having to run around, do this do that, worrying about Sunday service, spending half a Saturday in church, listening to unnecessary noise... I'm savouring every moment of peace!

We're going to cook bak kut teh tonight. Have to run out to Foodland soon to get garlic. Yeeps, going to be fun!

Here are the thousand words!

Torrens River gleaming in the sun. Spot the duck hanging out!

A little taste of home. Happenstance!

LOVE the trees here

First view as I walked outta the place lugging my heavy backpack which gave me a sore back

My fav place in the house! Was sitting here until about an hour ago when it got too sunny

My second fav place. My room, looking out into the backyard where colourful birds fly past and go "Aaack Aaaack"

Information overload!

Hahahaahhahaha made me smile. What is with Australians!

Kay, battery running low so I'm running back to my room to recharge. Till next time. Ta! =)

2009-12-11T19:20:00.002+08:00

So I'm sort-of blog-hopping again after forever, and what popped out at me from here, was this:

"Instant gratification permeates life so much that it's difficult to appreciate the beauty of waiting."

And so I continue waiting, knowing that timing is everything, of which His timing is perfect, and I shall not be delimited and defined by man's deadlines.

2009-08-06T14:47:00.001+08:00

OK Jane, I really am gonna start on Catch-22. In fact, I'm going NOW! lol. You get cracking on The Children of the New Forest too!!

2009-07-23T01:20:00.004+08:00

The injustices in this country are getting increasingly blood-boiling and intolerable. When I think about it I just want to get up and scream at the assholes turning this otherwise beautiful nation into a shit place to live in. And I wish I could do something to help make a change. So here's what I'm doing. I'm writing.

I have a friend. Every once in a while she goes back to Sarawak, where her parents and grandparents and greatgrandparents and their greatgrandparents have lived for centuries. Her uncle has a plot of land there, which he inherited from his ancestors. On it he built a simple but comfortable summer home. He reared pigs and chickens and dug a fish pond for his fishes. The plot of land was spacious, with an abundance of lush green trees breathing peace and calm into all and sundry.

The family has OWNED that beautiful place for centuries. Lived in it and made a livelihood out of it. Way before the colonial rulers and the current government came to rule the state. The land, very clearly, belongs to them. NO ONE, whether the king of this world or otherwise, has the right to snatch that posession away. It's a simple principle of life. You do not take what belongs to somebody else. When a 7-year-old kid steals his friend's eraser, he has to apologize and give it back. Or buy a new one for his friend. Or pay his friend the cost of the eraser.

Even a 3 year old child knows that.

And it amazes me that full-grown adults, people we call leaders and look up to, politicians the rakyat trusted and voted into power, have no sense of morality or humanity whatsoever.

On a Tuesday morning last week, when my friend was sound asleep in that summer home in Sarawak, a herd of policemen came and surrounded the place. The occupants had to move out of the house IMMEDIATELY. Because the state was going to repossess the land to build a school. Thus there were bulldozers on standby to demolish the house. And there was to be no delay. There was no negotiating. No questions asked. Just get out of the house period.

"But how can this be?" my shocked friend asked a policeman. "The land posession case is still pending a decision from the court. You have no right to demolish the house!"

"Well honey we're just following orders."

And the nonchalant bunch began moving items out of the house. Drawers, rice cooker, closets, wall hangings, you name it. Carry, leave and GO! Carry, leave and GO! Like clockwork.

And then the mighty bulldozer struck, ramming its ferocious teeth into the slabs of concrete, tearing years of labour down in a matter of hours. Oh it was as easy as stripping paper! My oh my the whole scenario would have made such a good comedy if it wasn't happening for real.

But what about compensations? (A measly RM13,000 is all you're offering for the massive land and everything that comes with it? Dude don't insult our intelligence) What about where the elderly woman who has stayed there for years is going to live? What about OUR RIGHTS?

Well honey apparently you have none.

Because the Sarawak government stopped giving land permits under the Native Customary Rights (NCR) law to the natives of the state since 1958. This essentially means that if their farms were not established by 1958, their land "lawfully" belongs to the government even if they have lived in it/posessed it for centuries .

Even more apalling is this excerpt from the research paper Land Rights and Oil Palm Development in Sarawak:
"A 1994 amendment empowers the minister in charge of land matters to extinguish native customary rights to land. In 1996, the burden of proof with respect to NCRs was placed on the
native claimant against the presumption that the land belongs to the State."

And from this site, I found this bloodcurdling piece of info:
"Alfred Jabu was reported as saying since Salcra’s inception in 1986, RM295 million in dividends had been distributed to some 16,000 participants. Jabu is the current Salcra chairman.

He said there were altogether 16,000 participants and the scheme had been operating since 1986, thus it had been 22 years until 2008 – let’s just count 22 years since Jabu was reported in early 2009. Let’s also assume that all 16,000 participants were involved since day 1 of Salcra – talking about solidarity here of course.

So, RM295 million divide by 16,000 equals to RM18437.50. Wow, not even enough for a new Kancil. Then l remember that my Primary One Maths teacher had said that I had not completed the equation yet. So I must divide that amount by the 22 years – RM18437.50 / 22 = RM838.10. So, each participant receives RM838.10 per year, assuming again that all landowners have equal size of lands included in the Salcra oil palm scheme. WOW!

If we were to divide that further by the 12 months in each of the 22 years, we get RM69.84 or say we are generous by rounding the figure to RM70, per month, per landowner, over the last 22 years.

Now, didn’t I read somewhere that the revised BN Government’s poverty and hardcore poverty figures would make these Bumiputra landowners closer to living under less than US$1 per day by joining this “development” scheme?

So there you have it, Alfred Jabu, your “big” RM295 million sum had been broken down, into bare figures. Shame on you, for continuing to use total figures to hide key figures!!!

Then Jabu’s assistant, Gramong Juna, threw open more figures in the 26 May report. There is now the “incentive payment” that will be made annually until the company makes profit to enable it to pay the actual dividend amount. This is an obvious recognition of the failure of past practice of waiting for some 10 years at certain schemes before landowners get first dividend payment. At RM150 per hectare per year, or RM12.50 per month per hectare, this must be world record for the cheapest government-brokered business deal for the landowners.

The assistant minister then announced that cash incentive amounting to RM70,180.50 was paid to 174 participants from 22 longhouses"

You do the math.

We NEED change. My friend revealed that many native people have resigned themselves to their fate. They've been scarred so many times that they've come to adopt the "sigh what to do life's like that" mindset. They don't want to ruffle feathers. They're not happy, but they would rather live peacefully in poverty than to stand up and claim their rights because they believe they don't stand a chance. It's them against the colossal powers that be.

And I am livid. As a Malaysian citizen who has been brought up with a moral consciousness, I am appalled that in my country, the very people voted into power by the native citizens have manipulated and taken advantage of their gullibility and simple-mindedness.

And it worries me that more and more people will see their lives snatched from under their noses by this draconian law. We read about people falling to their death after a questionable interrogation, and of murd, er, deaths caused by high-profile leaders of this country, and of clowns causing commotion in Perak, but what about the natives of Borneo who have remained quiet all along despite being oppressed? What about those who have lived in this nation from way before when, and yet told they have no rights to their posessions? What about the villagers who watch their land being taken away and are then thrown a pathetic RM12.50 per month to shut them up?

What about them? Who's going to write about them? Who's going to help them stand up and be counted?

2009-07-16T15:24:00.002+08:00

I'm so amused.

I wrote about Klang's Porno Chicken in KLue, and then my events editor Sarah got excited and requested that I tapau for her, so yesterday (which was a perfect day for a treat since it was my last day interning), I bought some for the office, and it was a total hit with the team even though the chickens have been refrigerated overnight and I was worried they would be disappointing. Totally unnecessary dude. Maybritt was going on about how good it was, then Fahmi came and ate some of Myra's and had a good laugh when I told him the story behind the name, then as I was leaving I heard ed director Wai Kit telling the big boss Adrian about it and then today, I find out that everyone's tweeting about it. Even ex-intern Kish and fellow intern Trina's boyfriend have heard bout it! haha. Pays to open your chicken stall beside a porn vcd stall! But you gotta give it to them. The chickens are really good!

Anyways, it's over! Three months of internship have just passed by in a flash. Sometimes I'm amazed at how time flies. And in a way, I do miss going to the office. I guess I just gotta get used to the bumming lifestyle. Not that I'm complaining mind you, cos I can finally FINALLY get around to tackling the pile of books+movies which have piled up since I started work. But I found myself waking up today worrying about my unfinished final blog post for KLue, and then I spent one hour finishing it up and then putting up the last listing I had to do. I'm too responsible I tell you.

Oh and I just found out a change in info and I'm gonna head back to the admin site to change my post. sigh.

But I've grown so much this past few months. Despite everything (with Camporama adding even more stress last month), I realize I've learnt so so much and I've never regretted getting placed there. The experiences I've had and the people I've met have been extremely eye-opening. Three months ago if you told me I'd be driving to KL regularly I would have scoffed at you. And if you told me I would be going on four-restaurants-a-day food trail I would scrunched up my nose (cos honestly I'm not much of a food connoisseur! Foodie yes, food connoisseur no). And if you told me I would have met Rubin at a chocolate launch I would have laughed. But guess what? I've done it all! Viva la KLue!

Here's to the past three months and the next six!

2009-06-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

I am inspired by love, talent, laughs, good times, well-made wild life documentaries, thoughts, silence, profundity, confidence, big hearts, passion and giving.

Just needed to remind myself of that, for days when all seem bleak.

I find myself querying why I still put up with this deluge of feelings and doubts at the back of my mind when I know it's just a haze of distraction from the task at hand. Merriment and great relationships are aplenty and highly treasured, but they are separate from private musings, when the sheer fatigue kicks in and all you want to do is sleep your way through life. Attempting to push the feeling out of the mind- which is an option, not a solution- is pointless. The experience is not a novelty, for after so many years, you come to realize and accept that no matter how much you want it to, the drudgery never ends; and that cliched as it sounds, the ONLY thing that can satisfy is God alone.

Only He can satisfy.

2009-04-25T19:11:00.004+08:00

There are times when I feel like I should shut down this blog already, considering maintenance work is performed only once every two weeks or so, but then again all my memories are contained in this place, however small they are. So I guess it's not the end for Think Thank Thunk yet!

However if you're interested, I blog HERE EVERY SINGLE DAY. *wipes sweat off forehead*

Anyways, to summarize my past two weeks, work hasn't exactly been a bed of roses, but there are some pretty exciting times too. Like the times when I get paid to eat (Muahaha. Interested? Come intern with me too ;p)

It is incredibly tiring however, staring at a computer screen for 9 hours straight (1 hour break in between but still), and then to rush home for a rushed dinner only to rush off again to Andrew's place/church. But it's only for 2 months so I'm going to hang in there.

I used to want to rush home after work when I first started. And then I discovered how therapeutic it is to just take a slow(er) drive and enjoy the orangey/purpley/dark bluey sky in the evening on the federal highway with Late Night Alumni playing on my mp3 (before rushing off again. Sigh). It's the time when I unwind and just let my thoughts swim aimlessly. And I've come to enjoy it immensely. There are twilights when I wish the Federal Highway would just go on and on (the non-jam stretches mind you!)

I hate hate hate driving to work in the late mornings though. That's when the sun scorches my arms, turning them into an abnormal shade of burnt sugar compared to other parts of my body. I damn tak puas. I'm gonna start wearing one of my mom's aunty long shirts just so that my arms won't burn anymore. Harhar.

I haven't had time for much else since work started. The old newspapers are piling up, and I haven't watched the telly/a movie since. But then I guess that's mainly because of Camporama worrrrrkkkk laaaaaa... I hope working life isn't actually this busifying. Cause if two weeks is already so tiring, how am I gonna manage a lifetime?!! O.o But I'll find something else chillax to do la. Maybe open a dive centre in Mauritius or something.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm gonna be meeting up with friends and cousin this week. Yay! Hopefully this coming week will have more surprises in store too (more food reviews, launches...) weeeheeee.

Also, been wanting to share this video since I found it. So Happifying! If only we have stuff like that here. (Randomacts doesn't count cos the stuff they do aren't as fun as this!)

The Super Saturday

2009-04-12T22:25:00.002+08:00

My friend and I were talking while watching a bunch of guys clown around with this super tall ladder at church. They were trying to hang up balloons for the kids rally later, thus the super tall ladder.

"Sometimes I wonder what it's like to to be a man," I mused to her. She lighted up suddenly. "Hey! I think that too! But they cannot sit like you la of course. It'll be so uncomfortable." *grins*

I looked down. I was on the floor, leaning against a monitor with both my legs stretched out in front of me and crossed at the ankles.

"Oh ya hoh. Hhahahahahhaha."

She proceeds, "But if er, small then can la. But then you see people like N-- A---- (hahahhaha Bawanie try guessing who ;p), he never sits like that wan."

"Why? Cos big ah? hahahahahahhahahhahahahhaha"

Her husband comes along and sits beside us. And he stretches his legs out and crosses them at the ankles. Just like me.

My friend and I look at each other, and giggle. Well she giggles la. I burst out laughing.

"So what does that say about him? Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahhaahhahahahahahahhahahahhahahhahhahah"

Husband: "Oh you teaching her how to see izit. Don't teach her wrong things ah."

"Hahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahahahhaha"

Another tip from the friend: Smart guys are smaller, cos all the nutrients go to their brains. Stupider men, on the other hand, mmm.

She picked a super smart guy yknow. Hee.

*****

There is nothing quite like playing the drums for a kids rally for a full body workout. I tell youuu... I came back with arms, legs and neck all aching-ish and feeling one kind. I've played many times for youth service, but the kids rally, i tell you the kids rally is the bomb lah. Damn kau fast songs. Damn chun. Damn adrenaline rush.

*****

So after playing for the rally I went up for prayer meeting. The rally was still going on and they were playing a music complilation thingy for their skit. And then while praying I suddenly heard the all too familiar soundtrack that I practically lived with the whole of October last year.

Thriller-MJ!!

Duuddeeeee. For a kids easter rally in church. Hahah. I almost wanted to get up and do the zombie dance. (Except I forgot all the steps after the butt shaking part). And I almost laughed out loud in the middle of prayer.

*****

Church is so happening these days. Hehe. And I serve an Awesome, amazing God. There is nothing in the world that beats that.

2009-04-07T14:08:00.002+08:00

Wooott....

Click!!

I wonder if em donuts will still be there on Monday. hehe. I'm actually really excited and I have a good feeling about this. I've been asking God what I should do if both the wunnerful companies got back to me. And then I came up with a simple solution. Just pick the first one that calls la kan? Sometimes you just have to leave it up to providence/luck/fate/fortune/whateveryouwannacallit which, in my opinion, is just God at work, making life easier for you and working His magic in simple, subtle ways.

I like everything about it... the people, place, parking, pay and positivity. Heh the Ps weren't intentional (except the positivity). Monday, here I come!!

***

I didn't realize Tracy Chapman was so nice to listen to. She's one of those artistes that just grows on you. I was pleasantly surprised when I played her again. Er, ok that doesn't sound quite right but whatever.

Off to construct a primitive shelter out of wood and wire netting laterrr. Ta.

2009-03-11T15:40:00.002+08:00

So here I am, almost at the threshold of the next chapter of my life, and I can't help but feel uncertain and apprehensive. Maybe a little excited yeah, but mostly i just dread moving on.

To say that my one and a half years in college has fallen short of my expectations would be a gross understatement. For the most part I've just been tired of the inefficiency and the sub-standard education that KDU has put us through at such a high cost, and if I could go back to the period post-form 5 and change the decision I made I would have, but this is not the point of this post.

The point of this post is to reminisce and to look at the bright side of things, to remember the wonderful friends I've made this past year and a half, to reflect on how much I've grown, and to be thankful for the person I've become whether because of or despite what I went through in my college years.

I remember early on in the semester I was whining to my friends that we have freaking 4 hour breaks between classes 3 days a week, and classes start at 8am every freaking morning. "What the heck!" I remember saying. To have classes at 8am everyday would essentially mean I have to get up at 6ish every morning and get stuck in the agonizing traffic jams. (oh oops, if theres anything i learnt this sem, it's that there's no such term as "traffic jam". You're either "stuck in traffic", or you're "caught in a jam". So learn people! XD)

We were all making a big fuss about the horrible timetable, but as the semester progressed, we got used to it, and even derived unexpected pleasure from it. Four-hour breaks essentially meant a lot of bonding time over lunch at ikea/ipoh hor fun/SUSHIIIIIIIII!!/random kopitiams. Oh and not forgetting the one utama/curve berjalan jalan sambil shopping periods of course. The nonsense pictures we took in forever21 and anywhere else with quirky accessories... And of course I loved loved loved our sushi zanmai times. Everybody should eat salmon sashimi there. (It's in oneU near Parkson). The salmon is so fresh and thick and nice and succulent and salmony... Can die of food orgasm I tell you.

And so if I totally hated the horrible timing of my classes and the classes itself, I absolutely loved our going out times. That, and my three beeyootiful girlfriends of course (What? you think I'd forget to mention you people? ;p) I wouldn't trade for anything. Of course the 8am classes weren't so bad after all considering that Rubin was lecturing, and his classes are one of the very few in all my time in KDU that actually contributed to my intellect and intelligence.

I realize that throughout my life, I have always been disappointed by the next stage of my life. In primary school, I was so so glad to be out of my chains and into secondary school, which seemed like a lot more freedom compared to the torture we were put through. Well actually the torture only lasted 2 years in primary school. I mean, if standard 5 students had to call each other up every afternoon to check their math homework answers for fear of getting caned the next day for every question they got wrong, and if teachers literally tore students' exercise books and threw them across the room in rage simply because the student's journal entry was not long enough, and if teachers did not celebrate teachers day at all because it was deemed to be "a waste of precious time which could have been put to good use studying their brains off for UPSR", and if students lived in constant fear of their teachers, then you know something is seriously wrong with the Chinese education system. I digress.

Secondary school wasn't exactly bad, in fact it was a lot more pleasant compared to primary school. And of course the highlight of those years was winning a trip to Melbourne after which I found lifelong friends. But see, secondary school was a bore. Aside from the ocassional competitions and out-of-school seminars which helped ease the drudgery, there was nothing very interesting or memorable about it. Of course this is partly because I never really found my place in a Chinese medium school.

So imagine my joy after that phase of my life was over and done with. I had SO many expectations for college. I thought I would finally, FINALLY, learn what I really want to rather than be subjected to routine and subjects I had no particular interest in. And then I stepped foot in KDU and learnt never to trust the words "reputation" and "quality education" in advertisements. Sorry if I sound so bitter but honestly, I feel as though I have been so unproductive for the past year and a half, not really learning anything to increase my knowledge of anything, and being fed things I probably would have picked up on my own eventually as I came out to work.

Yet I sort of don't want this phase to be over. It has almost been too comfortable I suppose. I whine about not learning anything, but when I think about it, college has been so comfortable. I've done well in my studies without having to put in a lot of effort like in high school, I've gone to new places and done new things, I've discovered myself a little bit more, I've had a lot more freedom, I've learnt confidence and communication (LOL), and just, you know, it has been on the most part, a pleasant ride.

In two weeks time I have to start sending in my resumes to media companies and take on at least two months of internship. And then I don't know what's going to happen for the rest of the year. Will I continue working? Will I continue studying or will I wait till next year? Will I actually stay out or will it just be another thought i will continue mulling over? All these unanswered questions which only time can answer. Hopefully, this next phase will not disappoint me yet again.

And so it's not surprising if I'm feeling a little apprehensive and uncertain. But I know all I have to do is take it one step at a time and put my hope in God, because He will watch over me every step of the way.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

2009-02-24T17:52:00.003+08:00

I wonder why Malaysian government departments and companies even bother listing their phone numbers if nobody is going to pick up the phone despite us calling a few times a day, everyday.

You know the same carbon copy line: For more information, please call... *roll eyes*

I wonder why the KTM system seems to be getting worse everyday despite the management's claims of "UPGRADING" it. They've been "upgrading" it for years now, haven't they?

I'm glad I only have another month of getting up at 6.30am and spending one and a half hour getting stuck in traffic every morning only to be late for class.

Oneutama is evil!! It sucks my money like it's honey

XD

I wish

2009-01-21T15:53:00.001+08:00

Life was as simple as a daily beach holiday with great company...

But it isn't really, is it? =)

2009-01-08T17:56:00.002+08:00

We had a Rangers leaders meeting on Tuesday night, where we were discussing the theme for the patrol names. Every year we have a theme, say animals, and then the Rangers will come up with their patrol names based on it, like Majestic Lion, or Grizzly Bear, etc.

So we were talking, and I said: Hey how bout fruits? They could go "groovy guava"!
Leader 1: or tangy mango... or hairy rambutan
Leader 2: ehsyy... *sceptical* FRUITS ah? no semangat la liddat. Afterwards they do stupid names like "sharp durian"!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Leader 2: Or Botak mangosteen!
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Dude...SHARP durian??! ahahahahahhahahaaaha

Leader 3: *extremely innocently* hey, how bout we do names of Taman?
Leader 1: TAMAN?!! Like Sentosa Patrol, or Andalas Patrol, or....
Everyone: ROARS IN LAUGHTER
Me: *laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh... when everyone stopped laughing, I clutched my stomach, got up off the couch to stand in the corner, and continued laughing like a deranged woman while everyone stared in amusement*

Dude... TAMAN names?! Funniest thing I've heard in ages!

After everyone settled down (yes including me)
Leader 4: Eh we do names of insects la!
Me: Ohhhh, PRAYING mantis!! *starts laughing like crazy again*

PRAYING mantis!!! Geddit?! HAHAHahahhahaa... I can imagine how fun Rangers would be if we had a patrol called praying mantis. haahhaa.

As the meeting progressed, I realised I couldn't stop thinking of the Taman name thing, (particularly how innocent the person looked when he suggested it, like it was the most natural thing in the world), and those who know me know that I'm VERY dangerous when I find something funny in a serious conversation.

So someone was talking about something serious, and he was looking at me. I suddenly thought of how funny the taman thing was, and I started to vibrate with silent laughter. *hides in embarassment*

And then someone else said something. My brain went: *taman, taman* And then I started smiling to myself crazily again, trying extremely hard not to vibrate. And as he made eye contact there i was smiling like a nutcase back at him. Can you imagine?!

I tried to think emo thoughts but it had no effect. sigh. Thankfully the rest of the meeting progressed without me vibrating again.

Then at night as I was brushing my teeth I thought of the discussion and started laughing again in the toilet. This time it was because of the sharp durian. And the praying mantis.

I need more self-control. This inappropriate laughter problem is getting out of hand! hahaha...

Eh but you gotta admit it's so freaking funny right?

Yesterday...

2009-01-04T01:29:00.003+08:00

I discovered that the reason why people say "bless you" when somebody sneezes is because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a moment.

CODE BLUE CODE BLUE!!! lol

ANDD...

Did you know there's this myth that says your eyes will pop out if you keep them open while sneezing? Apparently the pressure is too much to handle. Yesterday, I found out that the myth is untrue. I mean technically normal people can't open their eyes while sneezing but if you try hard enough, you can without busting your brains.

I tried but I can't. Open my eyes while sneezing I mean.

-Trivia courtesy of Tan Su Wei, a fan of mythbusters.

2009-01-01T12:28:00.002+08:00

Of all the wonderful things to dream about on New Year's Day, such as money falling from the sky, or going on a wonderful beach holiday, or Wentworth Miller, here's what I dreamt about last night.

I dreamt that my dad was driving and somehow my mom, my sis, my aunt and I were all crammed in the backseat while the front passenger seat was empty. We weren't wearing our seatbelts. At the junction the traffic light turned red but my dad buat macho and raced past it. And just as we turned the corner a cop/cops stopped us. And THEN i remembered it's jan 1st and the seatbelt rule would be enforced. We do not want fines for both breaking the red light rule AND not wearing seatbelts thank you very much. So I went "shit shit, Ma, seatbelt!" So my mom and I hastily put on our seatbelts cos we were sitting at the sides. My sis and aunt didn't have seatbelts to wear so no choice. We just hoped the cops wouldn't notice.

And then the cop came over to my side. I grimaced. And here's the weird part. All he did was teach me to adjust the length of the seatbelt so I would be comfortable. Then he waved us off.

Dude. okayyyyyy. No fine? Awesome!

Yeah. I was so concerned today that when we got up to go for bak kut teh, I pulled the never before used seatbelt from the boot and made my mom use it. And when we met Larry and gang on the way I made him remind the half asleep Adrian Yap to buckle up at the back.

Remember, be safe (and a couple of hundred ringgit richer). So buckle up at the back people. Yeah I know I sound like a naggy old aunt but you'll thank me when you see cops. hahah!

Happy New Year everyone!!

2008-12-26T17:34:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm barely at home these days. I can't even remember the last time I ate at home.

So I went with Grace and Riz to catch seven deadly scenes last Friday. Well actually, three deadly scenes is more like it, only because I was the source of our lateness, which resulted in the bouncers not allowing us in until the intermission.

Riz and I got off to a rather bad start. After spending an hour waiting for us to arrive, he was understandably pissed, Grace was apprehensive, and I was all of the above AND guilty. It was so tensed in the car you could slice through it with a knife harhar. But it's ok, we're buddy buddy now after a nice banana leaf session and some touring around Bangsar.

Anyways, I was feeling quite shitty when we got there and THEN to make it worse the bouncers made us wait some more till the intermission. And Shern had to rub it in and tell me I missed out badly on the other four scenes. Tried to trick me into coming with Jess the next day but oh howdy no thank you very much. One of the reasons I don't really go for plays as much as I want to is because it takes about 2 hours just to get there by public transport. By the time you get there, all the enthusiasm you might have had initially would have been replaced by irritation and tiredness from all the travelling.

So after the very short no-value-for-money play, things picked up. We went to Riz's famous Nirwana banana leaf (note to everybody: Only go there if you're a big fan of bitter gourd. haha!), where we sat beside a rather cute guy with a rather cute Aussie accent who offered to take a group picture for us and then reminded us to post it up on facebook, which probably will never happen unless those two decide to get off their dusty butts since I don't believe in personally posting pictures on facebook ;p

And then we went to Starbucks, where I claimed my free coffee (Thanks Riz, now all you owe me is chocolate cake ;p hahahahha jk larr) and fooled around with his darling Fedora with a capital F.

And when Starbucks closed, Riz brought us on a walking tour around Telawi. At one point we were chilling at the roadside in front of the deserted castle and guess who walked up! Aha.

And then we went back to Grace's place where she and I had an all-night chat session. GAWD it felt good just to talk to an old friend like that again. I miss her. And I'm definitely staying over at her place more often.

And then she finally went to mandi at 7am while I collapsed on her bed. After some intermittent sleep, Ivan came and we went to the Gardens, where more photo-taking ensued.

And then because I got home late, I missed carolling and went to YAF's christmas party instead.

So that was my weekend that was.

Christmas was awesome too! The musical that GHM put together was spectacular. When I see how big a music ministry we have at church and how much potential we have to grow even further, I can't help but feel proud of my home church. I'm so thankful that we've got a senior pastor so open minded and willing to incorporate all sorts of things into the different ministries, and I realize how blessed we are to have the whole jingbang of traditional Malaysian intruments at our disposal, some of which we don't even know the name of. I WISH I played some sort of orchestral instrument so I could get involved in the orchestra, but sadly I don't.

Looking at the young ones playing the angklong yesterday, it brought back memories of my time in GHM and how I too used to play the angklong, and the xylophone! ahaha. I remember the white satin outfits and oh man, those golden hair sanggul thingys with the pointy flowers lovingly made by some of the aunties I think. They had to make hundreds of them. What a labour of love. I ALWAYS had a problem with those sangguls because I had short hair and the bun wasn't big enough to hold the sanggul combs. Anyways... yeah. And those selendangs with gold patterns. Mine was always pink! Man I regret the fact that I don't have any pictures of me in that era because we didn't have digital cameras then, and my parents weren't particularly photography-prone. Oh and we lost our analog camera too and were cameraless for a few years.

I miss those years! And i really do miss playing the angklong. And the xylophone. And i miss the practice sessions!

But I'm proud of how the ministry has grown, and it was just such a joy to witness the little hands vibrating the quaint little angklongs and the bigger hands handling the hugeass double bass and the other string instruments. I would love to get involved again if I had the time, but I really doubt it.

So that was Christmas at church.

Then I took a step of faith and drove to Jess' house in the jungle WITHOUT GETTING LOST (applause please), where I discovered another connection to Grace and Riz. Man the world is sho schmall!

And then on the way home I got lost in some Malay area but got smart and turned back on the right track, and then at night we had a nice barbeque at Kim's.

Christmas was awesome. Looking forward to next year!

2008-12-24T20:02:00.002+08:00

I received something in the mail today. It's always really nice to receive letters without an official company logo cos then you know one of your friends have decided to go old skool and use snail mail. Sadly that doesn't really happen always so everytime I get concrete handwritten letters or cards in the mail, I treasure it loads and keep it away nicely in that shoebox upstairs.

So today, I got one in an envelope which said:

Skinny Su Ling
*address*

Hahahh...Who does that la come on. Like kindergarten small kid like that! hahaha... So anyway, I opened it and surprise surprise! It's a Christmas card from PampamSoo!

Pammy, Thanks heaps! And I miss you!! And you probably don't see me around church when you're back cos I'm always upstairs! And yes I'll seriously consider your SIA invitation if you send me more cards and postcards from everywhere around the world. A couple of boxes of chocolates won't hurt too.

And Pam, Merry Christmas! And I normally don't do birthday shoutouts on my blog but for you, HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYY!!!! *hugs* Come back soon so we can go BBQ plaza again! ;p

2008-12-24T17:46:00.009+08:00

Ok I know I'm always one or two weeks behind everybody else when it comes to blogging fresh news, but I want to join in the picture-posting fun too!

Faces at camp:

The above took me quite some time to do so you better stare at it long and hard and make sure you memorize every face.

Apparently there was quite a number of flies at the campsite.
Resident fly-catchers:

The mummyIwannagohome!! faces:

Every year, there's someone with the same baju as me. last year it was this.

And this year, THIS

What to do! I have such great taste in clothes...

FUYYHHH... Checkout our resident hot chick. I need ice!!

Guys, you want her number, just ask me. No need shy shy ;p

These are my roomies.

We call ourselves the spice girls: a result of Joanne's sudden epiphany one night, followed by the official naming of the different spices accompanied by stomach-aching laughter.

Clockwise from left: Chilli, Cinnamon, Ginger, what-was-I-again, and STAR ANISE!! ahahaa...

Absolutely loved bunking with them. Such a fun bunch of people. Especially with Joanne around. I tell youuuu... that womannn, all we ever do is laugh laugh laugh and listen to her Vietnam-ness. ahah.

Everybody wants a picture with the spice girls of course.

And this child prodigy, Samuel, is only 12 but he can solve a Rubik's cube in less than 45 seconds! He's the MAN i tell you.

I thought this year's camp workshop was really good, especially sis Rita's one. It was really encouraging to see the young ones wanting to know more about God and responding to the spirit. It was awesome to see them so on fire at that young age. And it really made my day to hear someone say they enjoyed camp. When you hear that, and when you see with your own eyes how God touches so many lives, when you see the youth crying out and asking for more of God, every minute spent labouring and preparing for camp becomes worth it.

I had to remind myself again, that was the reason why I do what I do. It's tiring and it's hard, but when you see with your own eyes God moving among the crowd and feel Him in your heart, you truly understand the phrase "the joy of serving".

I wish God moves like that every day of my life. Yet I know I don't spend enough time with Him. Nor am I as passionate about Him as I want to be. And that's what I want to work towards for the coming year. To be more in tune with Him and to love Him with all my heart. Not to wait for a year-end camp to be all fired up again.

Every year at camp, there is a refreshing of spirit. The young people go, scream their hearts out for God and jump with all their might during praise and worship. But how long will that passion last? Is that fire going to continue burning throughout the year or will it die out eventually, only to be reignited at the next year's camp, after which the whole cycle will be repeated?

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8

TNT the world babeh!!

2008-12-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

, sent 12/14/2008 11:40 PM:
tests were meant in the beginning to train ppl to work in the factories
, sent 12/14/2008 11:40 PM:
and later becme ways to try to efficiently tell if thousands of students could be good workers
, sent 12/14/2008 11:40 PM:
but now, the world is made of ppl who no longer work for work
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
but for love and dreams and challenges
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
but the tests remain
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
any system right now, education or govt or health
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
require a major overhaul
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
and not of the system itself
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
or even the policies
, sent 12/14/2008 11:41 PM:
but the values and principles tat drive and operate those systems
sulingee says:
in other words, kdu's education system sucks?
, says:
and like the small plants and flowers tat grow upwards while the mighty strctures crumble around them
, says:
small pockets of ppl who see the future, will slowly and patiently help others around them learn to see too
, says:
so that then the dust settles and the chaos quitens
, says:
quietens
, says:
the ppl are ready to grow and reach for the sky and sun
, says:
lol, which system this world right now does not
, says:
there is a revolution going on
, says:
not of guns or even money or scientific brekthrus
, says:
but of the human heart
, says:
all these things that make ppl think thhe world is going crazy and will end
, says:
are only signs of the falling of the old, and the eventual rise of the new
, says:
but we only know how to see the cracks, but we can also learn to see the saplings within those cracks
, says:
does that make some sense to u? lol
sulingee says:
i'm gonna copy and paste this for some other day when im in the right frame of mind to sit and internalize your words

Fellow classmates, guess who I was chatting with on msn... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.

2008-12-08T01:46:00.003+08:00

I realize my sister and I have a standard greeting everytime I walk into the house while she's vegetating in front of the tv.

Me: Hey pig

Sis: PigKO!

Me: *smiles discreetly*

Today I went to church early and wore this bright green top and black slacks. I have this other tee of the same shade. And whaddoyouknow, without telling me she was gonna steal my clothes as she's highly prone to do these days, she coolly wore MY shirt and MY pants, in the exact same shade too. So she ended up looking EXACTLY like me, as if we don't already look terribly alike.

Great minds think alike? hehehehe...

And thanks to her wonderful choice of clothes, Ps. Betty thought she was me. LOLOLOL.

My sisterrrrr... *rolls eyes*

I call her my irritation. But I can't live without her. heh.

The laughing post

2008-12-03T01:31:00.007+08:00

This

is when they decide to play dress-up.

This

is how they normally look.

Say your last goodbyes to me. I'm gonna be butchered soon.
LOL.

2008-12-02T16:57:00.002+08:00

I am sometimes amazed at how innocent i am and how unschooled i am in the ways of this world.

So I was reading old news again yesterday night and i read about Robert Raynier (i think that's his name, im not good at remembering details heh) and there was this list about his reads. And I was quite excited to find that he reads books that i've either read or want to read. Tolstoy and catch 22 and others. Not easy to find famous people with the same reading list as me cos they always read really obscure titles and arthouse books and all that. So he was talking about what awesome works the great gatsby and to kill a mockingbird is. Now I've read these two titles and I've never gotten what people see in them, or rather why they're considered great books of the 20th century. I remember Vanessa mentioning in her blog once that she could read mockingbird over and over again. Me? I struggled to finish it. And really, I just didn't get WHY it was apparently such a great story.

I think I read for pleasure, which means i would rather read very easy-to-understand stuff with unputdownable plots, whether or not it stimulates my mind and contribute to me as an individual. Which is why I stayed up till 5am to read twilight. Do you see me doing that for to kill a mockingbird or gatsby? NOOOooo. Which is really not how someone who professes to love literature should behave.

This little incident made me think. What am I really passionate about? Well actually it's been on my mind a lot these days. I just never had the motivation to put my thoughts down in words.

I mean, I love a lot of things, mainly anything artsy fartsy. I love plays and music and film and photography and dance and literature and art exhibitions and all. In fact I think i would be incomplete without all of that. But I am seriously not passionate enough about anything to be willing to invest time and energy to hone my skills and knowledge. I love books, but I don't have the patience to pore through serious stuff nor do I feel enlightened or awed after reading "great works". Honestly, I feel that i'm sometimes just shallow. Not in a bimbotic way, just not knowledgable enough about anything. My guitar is...somewhere in the house collecting dust and I don't even touch my piano anymore unless i have to figure out chords for a song. I love the drums the most and I play fairly well, but I have absolutely no desire to learn the technicalities. How many inches the ride is la, what brand of cymbals sound the best la, what tone is the toms la, how many degrees you should hit the snare at la, yadamajinggalah!

I wanted to be really good at photography once but I didn't bother to go read up on the technical side of it either. Thus all I do is compose the picture nicely while someone else always sets the settings for me. I really wanted to take up dance last year but i just didn't have the time, and I cannot draw to save my own life. This one, ehehe i think got no cure la. I just betul betul cannot draw.

I could go on and on about how I love these things but never bother to learn more about it. Thus I'm a jill of all trades and master of none. And that sucks pretty bad because I always feel so unknowledgable and unschooled, and that I have no right to claim i love something if i don't bother to invest time and energy in it.

Which is why I absolutely admire artsy fartsy people because they're willing to sacrifice for their passion and the betterment of it. Most of all, i admire them becuase they have PASSION. I feel very very shallow sometimes talking to my artsy friends. And I can't even explain my lack of motivation. I mean, if you truly like something, whether or not it's real fiery, burning passion, wouldn't you want to learn more about it anyway? I befuddle myself, really.

I don't even know if this post will spur me on to do SOMETHING. Probably not. But I was really enlightened yesterday night and I think I might want to change my course in uni. I've always wanted to do journalism, but now I think I want to do something more along the academic path, like international relations or english literature, at least something that will make me read up on things and be knowledgable about something. Mass comm is great, but I guess you can just pick it up along the way as you work and get involved in different things eventually. But knowledge is hard to come by. It requires time and effort and a desire to learn. And knowing me, I wouldn't be motivated enough to self-learn anything if I didn't have a need to. So thats why I'm really considering the uni thing.

I NEED to be passionate about something. I'm so... blah!

2008-11-28T19:22:00.002+08:00

woohooomalooo! I can FINALLY...

1. Sit around and vegetate and daydream and do nothing else.
2. Get to the pile of books i've been salivating to read.
3. Er, blog?
4. Shop!!
5. FINISH 24 season 6!!
6. Meet up with people I haven't met in ages.
7. Plan where to go because i NEED to go somewhere.
8. Go get a new phone.
9. Watch all the movies in the world.
10. Pray. I can't remember the last time I did that without falling asleep or rushing a quick "please God, Amen"

You'd think I just finished SPM huh. Well, yeah. Something of the sort. I am so so glad this sem is over and done with. If i can survive this, i can survive ANYTHING!

Veni vedi vici!!

And to all you loyal fans of my blog (numbering in the thousands I'm sure), I can't exactly guarantee satisfactory reads from now on you know. Oh wait. Maybe I don't even have to write. Maybe i can just post pictures to shut you all up! hehehehe...

Ta! And happy holidays!

2008-10-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

veni, vidi, vici!

Ha. I googled the above cos I forgot the correct term. I know i read it in form 5. heh.

Anyway, NTC was a bipolar mix of horribility and fun. I hated every single second of being dirty, wet, cold and tired. It rained for three consecutive days. My clothes and shoes were wet and dirty the whole time, and I was so extremely uncomfortable that looking back now, I don't know how I stood it. Thank god I had Asha the mother of the Lims as my patrol member. She is THE BOMB la. She was so well prepared she brought an extra uniform and ponchos and little pipe cleaner thingymajiggys for the banner. So when my uniform was soaking wet, she provided me with a fresh, clean one. Oh my gawd. Just to have a clean uniform which isn't sticky with sweat or soaking wet was... sweet as honey. When my raincoat tore slightly, she gave me a new one (which ironically tore anyway and so I had to sew it back but it tore again after that, so, what the heck. haha)

In all the four days, I bathed only once, brushed my teeth twice, never passed motion, never looked at myself in the mirror and never combed my hair. The schedule was so gruelling we didn't even have time to bathe! And even if we did, the toilets were so damn filthy (read: a used pad was lying in the sink!) it took away my mood to bathe. Some of them semangatedly got up early in the morning to bathe but i didn't bother la. So cold ok. We had to brush our teeth using the hose in the toilet stalls because... the pad in the sink remember? *shudders*

Ok the above paragraph makes me sound like some gross filthy person so moving onnn....

I hated the bugs, I hated having to walk 10 minutes each to and from our campsite, I hated the rain, I hated being dirty, I hated being wet and cold, I hated having to eat with utensils not washed properly, I hated the toilets, I hated the lack of sleep, i hated being dirty, and oh did i mention i hated being dirty?

But the experience, knowledge and new friendships I gained from this camp made every single tortured second worth it. I have absolutely NO regrets coming for camp and I have so much respect for the commanders who put it all together.

And apparently our batch had it so much easier compared to previous batches, so I'm not complaining.

One thing that really got me was how little I know and how inadept I am at some of the skills. And how some things didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. For example I had to demonstrate the square knot to my patrol advisor. I do the square knot ALL the time ok, tying plastic bags, my shoes, my drawstring pants etc. I can do it in my sleep la ok. Left over right, right over left, pull. But when I had to demonstrate it somehow the thing just didn't turn out right. I had to try it like 4/5 times. I bet cmdr. J was thinking what a doofus I am. But I swear it's the string ok, the silly green string that just didn't turn out right.

I spent two hours washing all my dirty things just now, and I took a long longg shower after that(even soaped up twice babehh!) I tell youuuu... the feeling of clean, fresh water washing away the dirt and grime is refreshingly heavenly. And the knowledge that the experiences of the past four days is all over now, is pure bliss. I desperately need sleep, but I've got SO many assignments to complete I don't know where to start. I'm already forgoing my preplanned trip to KLpac tomorrow because I simply won't have time to finish all my assignments. And I lost my voiceeee!! I sound like a freaking toad now!!! I wanted to call Sherrene but I realised that she probably wouldn't be able to hear me so ahhh I'll just talk to her tomorrow.

And i found out today that the Sel#1 aunty commanders whom you would expect to be discussing children and husbands and vegetables, are actually pretty, err, hormone-charged.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

2008-09-26T01:57:00.002+08:00

True to my blog's tagline (cheh cheh), here's a thought:

I think some people just conveniently use PMS or emotional stress or whatever other medical-sounding conditions they can think of as an excuse to be moody and to have things their way. If some of us can be in control of our emotions, why can't the rest at least try?

***

Updates for my own viewing pleasure that you would waste your time reading:

I have sent out my songssss! Except to Poh Leong, still stuck using hotmail. hehe.

I'm thinking of turning my headlights on when I drive tomorrow afternoon. I hope I don't get caught though *snickers*

I still want to capture the chickens and the chicks at the junction of the kampung jawa traffic light with my camera. I might do it tomorrow. I hope there's a loooong red light.

I am going to make full use of my Friday afternoon tomorrow to chill out. The drudgery starts again after that.

I am thinking of Bawanie and i want to talk to her simply because.

I need to re-sew my Malaysian flag patch on my Rangers uniform!

And I tell you, when I ramble, I ramble. I should stop now.

2008-09-25T16:53:00.003+08:00

Ohhh myyy gooodnessss.

Why do people even bother using hotmail email addresses? All my mails to them keep getting bounced back to me. Out of all my musicians for this sunday, only Zlwin and Joel received my songs. I am gonna have to send it again tonight. Sigh. I am so frustrated.

I tell you, the hardest thing about being a songleader is choosing the songs. I spent a month thinking and asking God sometimes, and when that didn't produce even a semblance of a tune, I forced myself to stay up till 3am last night to finalize my songs to send out to the musicians, and still I only came up with 3. And now after finally choosing all 6 and rushing to send them out, only 2 musicians can receive them. Even the SINGERS can't receive them. I wanna scream.

For goodness' sake people, get gmail!!!!!!!!!!!!

Recently so many people have been coming to college looking super worn out. Everyday, I am invariably telling someone or the other that they look tired and asking if they are alright. Haha look who's talking, because people ask me that all the time too. Oh the irony.

And I desperately need a break. Next week doesn't count because Monday we'll be going to the Taman Tun park to check out our film location, I bet Tuesday and Wednesday we'll have meetings for all our assignments, and Thursday I'm off to NTC. When am I gonna get some rest? *hyperventilates*

I have too few hours in a day. I really do.

2008-09-07T23:45:00.002+08:00

Ahhh, despite having naively ordered a dish ostensibly named The Big Seafood Platter (or something of the sort) but essentially filled with an obscene amount of absolutely horrible-tasting rice to go with the mediocre-tasting fried oysters and shrimp and fish and calamari and soggy fries (i should have tapau-ed for you la Jess), I still had so much fun tonight. I actually think I might miss Noel/Moses and his big black Pajero which he had thus far faithfully used to ferry us around. (YACHT us around suwei?? ;p muahahahah!)

Uncontrollable laughter is good sometimes. And so is being very humorous. I just hope I can get all the gas out of my stomach tonight before I go to bed.

AND I miss you girls alreadyyy!! and our latest baby sister too *winks*

EVERYONE is leaving to Australia/England. Why is nobody else going to Hawaii?

2008-08-28T17:51:00.002+08:00

I'm plagiarising the following passage from here

If the college is scared of tarnishing whatever that's left of their reputation, if the college wants their students to graduate with flying colours, then get good lecturers! Geez. That's probably one of the most basic requirements of a good college.

Ah bother. I'm definitely not staying in the same college lar. Eesh.

* edit: Thanks Jane, even though I didn't even ask for your consent. But I know you would want as many people to read this as possible, just as I do. This must be the quote of the semester. You go girl! Keep writing! More quotable quotes to come! ;p

2008-08-27T23:52:00.002+08:00

Does anybody have any tips on controlling laughter? I seriously need to learn. I mean, we know laughter is good for the soul, laughter is the best medicine, and all that jazz, but sometimes uncontrollable laughter can be a real embarrassment tau tak.

Last Sat we had our family gathering. My aunt just came back from Saudi Arabia so she and my uncle decided to sing a hymn to thank God for His goodness. I think the song was Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Before that he gave out cards printed with the lyrics of the song. My uncle damn semangat one la. He's the one who buys expensive bibles and then wraps them up with old magazine pages so the beautiful bible cover is completely obscured and looks like a school textbook instead. He's the one who prints out inspirational quotes and laminates them for the whole family. He's the one who semangatly writes bible verses or song lyrics on papers using a RULER so the lines would be straight and then distributes them to everyone. He's the one who buys back HUGE packets of dried shrimp and Malay keropok and weird paste and other funky foodstuff on his travels around Malaysia. He's also the one who passes on old computers to us to get rid of them. So that day he gave out lyrics handwritten in neat, perfectly straight lines aided by a ruler pasted on an old diary cover to us. I was sitting right beside my uncle and then he started singing. In this robot-like voice. Not out of tune, just very static, emotionless and robot-ish. And laughoutloud funny, of course. And I felt my belly start to rumble from deep within. And then I lost it. I started to laugh silently but uncontrollably. And it got worst when my aunt joined in and started singing in this operatic voice. I kid you not. OPERA voice. I literally shook with laughter, but the worst part was having to be completely silent and act nonchalant and keep myself from - God forbid- SNORTING in between breaths. Beside me, May was twisting and turning in her seat in an attempt to hide her face while trying very hard to look nonchalant, but she failed miserably. At least I had my lyrics to cover my face with, and I shook my legs to the beat of the song to minimize the appearance of my entire body shaking with laughter. I tried to make myself think emo thoughts to stop laughing, but I couldn't. I ended up laughing even harder instead. Silently. I don't know if anyone saw it, but I'm sure they did, because I had the misfortune of sitting beside the star of the show.

And i felt SO horrible after that. I didn't mean to be rude or disrespectful. I just couldn't control it. And that brought back memories of the other times I couldn't control my laughter and ended up paying for it by feeling guilty.

At cell group a few months ago, a beloved cell member was talking about doing something that her parents weren't PLEASED with. (It was a rather serious conversation then) But she said something like: "What I did wasn't PLEASURABLE to my parents." One seconds, two, three. I had done a good job at keeping it in so far. But that was it. I turned, buried my head in the couch and started to shake with silent laughter. Beside me, Bawanie and Grace, the more composed ones, lost it too. And the worst part was, we SNORTED. The rest of the cell were just kind of looking at us wondering what was so funny I suppose, since I was too busy trying to compose myself to worry about what the other cell members were doing when the three of us were writhing around on the couch.

And of course, I felt so bad after that. Beloved cell member, if you remember this incident, know that this post is purely for entertainment and reminiscing purposes only. I still love you ok =)

A few years ago at a wedding, the bride, who is terribly tone deaf, decided to sing to her groom (a slightly better singer though still quite out-of-tune). The song was of course, a nice slow romantic song supposed to make us smile with emotion, not shake with laughter. But that's exactly what I did. The song was so hilarious I bit my lip so hard to stop myself from laughing. When that didn't help I rested my head on the chair in front to conceal my face. And I laughed harder still.

So terribly inappropriate of me. And I felt horrible. But I just couldn't control it.

In form two, we had this rather nice computer teacher who spoke ATROCIOUS English. It wasn't just cinapek English. He practically suffocated the English language with his inability to roll his R's, as well as his tendency to add in bombastic words inappropriately in his sentences. And when he spoke, his eyes focused to the top and he spoke haltingly, making him seem as though he had memorized but forgotten a script and was trying hard to remember while reciting it. The first lesson with him, I shook with siilent laughter. I thought I'd never laughed so hard in my life. The whole class was laughing away too. The poor poor guy. His full name is immortalised in our memories. Once in a while during sixers sleepovers we still speak of him fondly and have a good laugh. He was really such a nice guy la. Poor thing. There was once when he tried to say "rules and regulations", only it turned out sounding like "lu-les and lezulesens" or whatever la, and i tried so hard not to laugh. But Chris, ever the lurus seperti pensel one, turned to Nic and asked, "huh? wat rulers?" And I couldn't help it. I hid my face behind my book and started shaking with laughter.

Laughter is good, I just need to figure out a way to control it when it springs up at inappropriate moments.

By the way, who IS Maya Angelou?! It's like the third time in two days I've seen her name randomly, quoting something or the other.

I need to do my court structure now. Why do I always choose inappropriate moments to blog? I'm supposed to finish up the ASSignment and go sleep lah.

2008-08-09T01:29:00.003+08:00

Ok i know this is not a good way to update my blog, but,

DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN OLD PHONE TO SPARE? In working condition please.

My mother decided my phone was rather dirty and since i was too lazy to clean it she threw it into the washing machine to wash.

No, not entirely true.

The washing machine part was true though. She didn't check my pockets before doing the laundry, and neither did I. So my poor poor phone drowned in the soapy waters of the churning Dynamo well. Thus ended its life. Oh but its brains were salvaged though. Even in death it did a noble deed by donating its organs. Organ.

Means the Sim card is still working la aiyoh. Rest assured you can still call and sms me. So please do! I don't want to end up moping about why nobody calls/smses me anymore.

This little story is almost funny if it wasn't for the fact that I don't have a phone now and I have to borrow my sister's phone, already half-kaputed itself. And ironically, I was actually considering getting her a new phone for Christmas this year (cheap one la ok, I'm not that much of a saint).

Looks like plan tak jadi now.

I. need. a. new. phone!

Seela, I always end up not blogging about what I really want to blog about. I'm always doing spur-of-the-moment, random posts. So next post, must be planned one. Pictures from Genting and Annexe/Putrajaya. Hopefully I don't get too lazy. But then again, random blogging is more fun cos you just log in and start typing nonsense.

I've got a show to catch. Ta!

2008-07-29T18:13:00.002+08:00

Remember I was paranoid about having something stuck in my foot?

Turns out it wasn't paranoia after all. There WAS something stuck in my foot.

I was watching tv yesterday when i decided to have a look at my wound. Surprisingly it hadn't closed up completely and I could still feel a slight pain when I applied pressure on it. So I decided to peel a little skin off and guess what I found? A tiny triangular piece of sharp plastic shard. Ok that was a mouthful.

See? My instincts are pretty accurate ok Siyan!!

2008-07-21T15:26:00.002+08:00

THIS makes me want to cry. And it doesn't help that I'm listening to Coldplay's Lovers in Japan while I'm staring at all six of us.

Omg babes, I AM tearing!!!!

Btw, in my last post I forgot to add that Pearly is leaving in August too (how could I forget huh?!) The smartest student in class whom i had the honour of sitting beside during biology so i could safely daydream and still rest in the knowledge that she would whisper the answer to me if the teacher happened to call upon me to answer a question is leaving. To do forensic science in the UK. How cool is that?

And what does that mean? That it'll only be the FOUR of us come August!! =(

And Jon is leaving in August too. The guy who is living my dream of studying in Hawaii. Please la, there's no better place on earth to study at than Hawaii ok. So he better make the most out of his time.

Aiyola I'm gonna miss everyone!!

And my feet is hurting. A few nights ago after washing up and preparing to go to bed I accidentally stepped on something in my room. Paaainful sial. I reckon its a grain of sand or some small sand-like object which made my soles bleed. So small that I couldn't even see it. Now the wound has healed but it still hurts and I feel a little bump when i touch it. I keep getting the feeling that whatever it was got lodged inside my sole and the skin closed up, which means it might be inside forever. *shudders*

I said a little prayer this morning. "God, please don't let anything be inside my foot. I hope 20 years from now i won't have some kind of medical condition because of whatever it is that might be inside". I think I'm just being paranoid la. We'll wait a few more days and see if it still hurts.

My mom is back with food. Yay!

2008-07-16T16:36:00.002+08:00

I just realised how long it has been since I last chilled at the comp lab alone. I used to do this a lot in the first sem when I was a small girl and didn't drive so i had to wait for my daddy to finish work, and back then I wasn't good friends with my faithful transport provider Edeline, who was also a small girl then and didn't drive anyway.

Nowadays, I have my transport provider who faithfully drives around for our daily dose of entertainment after classes, and even if she doens't drive, I DO! (haha bangganyaaa...) so really, there's no need to pathetically kill time alone at the lab anymore.

But today is different =(

We were supposed to go hang at Cineleisure and watch a movie since IT'STHELASTDAYOFFINALSI'MSOFREAKINGHAPPY, I have free tickets and it's our last time hanging with Jane for an entire month, but Edeline was tired so she went home, and as usual when you go anywhere with guys who just GO somewhere, anywhere, without planning what they want to do, you end up not doing what you wanted to do in the first place. So we had lunch, which Ravin paid for since he owed me for giving him exam tips (hee), and then we went to shoot hoops and then the guys played a round of fusball. Aiyaaa, speaking of fusball. I wanted to ask Ravin what "snake his ass" means but I forgot. Didn't want to interrupt the intensity of the game. haha. Never mind, i'll ask him next time.

Then Jess left to meet Kit, and Jane went home to prepare herself emotionally for Australia. The guys dropped me off at college after dissing my jammed-up little town of Klang all the way back, so here I am, hanging alone with my thoughts and emotions and this feeling of dread at having to rush home and prepare for bowling later. But it's cool. After ranting here just for the sake of keeping my blog alive, I'm gonna go to the library and finally finish off The Great Gatsby. I have about another hour to kill. Yaaaaawnnn...

I'm so happy because finals are overrrrr!! It feels like post-SPM. It always feels like post SPM after finals doesn't it?

On another note, I had two rounds of Starbucks in the space of a week. This is not good. I almost never have Starbucks. The first time I ever tasted Starbucks was all the way in Melbourne when I shared a... something with Anna and Leng on a cold rainy night (their first time too, us poor poor kids, haha). And then my second cup was when Ms Raynie spent me and Pearly I think. Of course in between there were a few stolen sips here and there from friends, but never a real, full, grande cup of coffee which I painfully paid for with my hard earned money.

On Friday, I broke that record with a grande dark mocha frap while studying for MCS. And honestly, I wasn't super satisfied. After craving for it for quite some time, I discovered it was a little toooo chocolatey for me, to the extent of being super sweet. I wanted something more coffee-ey. Starbucks maa, it's all about the coffee right? haha. I still love it la, but I didn't experience the food orgasm I thought I would get. Bummer. Maybe I'd get that with a Java Chip huh?

Yesterday Edeline and i went to chill at Starbucks after exams. I had a grande iced latte (which i hated) And we played congkak, which was soooooo super fun! Everyone should play congkak! Especially people like me who don't know the rules of the game. We ended up laughing like crazy people. Aiyola, so fun!

All my friends are leaving! Pam left, Jane is leaving tomorrow for a month, and Shanni baby, whom I'm gonna miss like crazy I just wanna die in her arrmmmmmmmmmssssssss (hahahahahhahahHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHa) is gonna leave on Friday. FRIDAY!!!!! It hasn't even sunk in yet. Kean Seng is leaving in August, and Leng and Anna and Jian are leaving next year =( =( =(

When is my turnnn???

Maybe I should leave for the library now. haha. 5.21 already! I hope I can finish Gatsby! ok bye.

2008-07-05T20:07:00.003+08:00

Someone sent me this list of inspirational quotes through email. I normally just scroll through them half-heartedly because, come on la. I receive so many of them from my dad all the time. Along with all these warnings about people knocking women's cars off the road and then raping them or something. haha.

But these two really struck me.

I laughed out loud at the second one.

Prayer meeting today was emotional, and inspiring. I have so much to say but I don't know where to start, so it's alright. I shall not rant on. Besides, I have that MCS research waiting for me to complete. urgh. And nice herbal chicken cooked by my aunt waiting for me to devour. yum.

So Ta!

2008-06-26T16:49:00.013+08:00

Yeah i know, I should update. This is already a longgg overdue post. The initial euphoria of stuffing myself with HUGE, SUCCULENT oysters, getting only slightly tanned (despite bragging to everyone who would listen before setting off that I would get myself REALLY tanned) and of course, having an awesome schmosome time with the pearlies (LOL) in penang is already starting to subside.

Sorry if the above sentence confused you. I have this sort of irritating tendency to mull over my sentences and make sure I cram as much information as i can into one super long, grammatically-correct sentence. But I am trying to change, trust me.

Anywaysssss....

PENANG!!!!

I think I should just post pictures since I'm too lazy to write. Or maybe I should copy paste from Jian and Chian's blogs. Their heartfelt, absolutely entertaining, slightly cheesy posts about us have this tendency of making me smile like a goof in front of my pc screen. Hey, you two! And blog-less Leng too, just because I'm not heartfelt and cheesy, it doesn't mean that I don't love you people to bits ok =)

so here goes...

First day

2nd day

Last day

Penang rocked!

And I'm tired from putting up all the pics. Yawn.

2008-06-10T19:10:00.005+08:00

The worst thing I hate about Malaysia at this point in time is its transportation system.

Now with oil prices sky-high, most people rely on the public transportation system (PTS from now on ok) to get around, but personally, after a few months of commuting using our lovable, community-centered KTM system every morning, I conclude that it not only wastes precious time, but also results in various side effects to your health such as high blood pressure and headaches, oh and add a few extra strands of white hair to that list too. Because really, to depend on our absolutely efficient PTS (the KTM in particular) would suck every ounce of energy and patriotism out of you. Not that you had much of the latter to start off with anyway, but still.

Case in point: most mornings I get up at ungodly hours, ie 6.30am and rush out of the house by 6.45am to catch the 7.11am train. Yes, it takes about half-a-freakin-hour to get to the babited train station from my house ever since school reopened. Oh the halcyon days of last week when the roads were clear all the way to college. For those of you who aren't me, it would be easy for you to tell me to get up earlier to beat the jam. But you try being me for one day and see if my body works before 6.30?

Today I reached the station right on the dot, and of course I had to go to the counter to buy the ticket since touch n go...oh that's another story altogether. Read along now. So they changed the person who mans the ticket counter, and now it's this sour faced man who never smiles or speaks and worst of all, moves like a sloth. Even when he sees the train arriving and knows that unlike him, people might actually be in a hurry. Really, it takes every muscle in my body to restrain myself from punching his annoying i-could-care-less-if-you-miss-the-train-because-of-me face. Thank god there wasn't a queue this morning. So as the train arrived, I grabbed the ticket from the idiot with my heart pounding, pecuted all the way up the bridge to the other side and rushed into the train just as the doors were closing. There was this guy behind me who could have entered at the last minute (well I definitely would have) but I think he got a little chickened out by the closing doors and decided to step back and look dejected instead. For a few minutes after that I hyperventilated while my legs felt like jelly. You know if I keep this up everyday for the rest of the semester, I'm pretty sure I don't need to be as old as my dad to get high blood pressure.

The stupid KTM comes once every 20 minutes, assuming optimistically there is no delay or breakdown of some sort. I took the liberty to google the train schedules of some other countries. Just Asia la ok, noneed compare with the canggih European countries all. In Japan, trains come once every 2-5 mins during rush hour, and every 4-8 mins during daytime. In Singapore, every 2-5 mins. In Thailand, every 3-6 mins. In Taiwan, every 4-7 mins and in Korea, 2-3 mins during rush hours. Which means that for everytime I pull a stunt like the one this morning but miss the train anyway by a few seconds and then wait another 20 minutes to catch the next train, 10 trains would have gone by in Korea. Ok worst case scenario, 6 trains would have gone by. If Malaysia had that kind of scheduling, even with the occasional delay or whatever, my life would still be bliss.

Of course I don't need to apprise you of the various other shitty issues you have to deal with when taking the KTM. The squashed-up-like-sardines issue is one, but honestly inconsequential compared to the stress I deal with just to get on the train.

Oh and I told you I was gonna complain about touch n go too. Basically, using it to board the KTM is a bad idea, because i discovered that the machine deducts RM10 erratically for no apparent reason sometimes. To date I have lost about RM30. Calls to the careline center only returned unconvincing reassurances that they will "monitor" the refund process, as well as the routine "please write an email to appeal" nonsense. An email later, all I got was a subtle get-out-of-our-hair reply that they will check with the KTM to see what can be done *roll eyes*

I'm on a campaign to get everyone to stop using touch n go at the KTM. So please, pass the word around for the sake of your and your friends' wallets.

Is it any wonder that everybody is on an exodus out of Malaysia? I would join them too the second I get the chance to.

Most mornings I'd have a discussion with Edeline on the way to coll about how teruk this country is. But really when I think about it, I LOVE this country. I love the islands, the rainforests, the quaint little kampung houses, the historical sites, the culture, the food. If I were living in Europe or something, Malaysia would be on my list of countries to vacation at every year. But the thing is, I LIVE here. When you live here and have to deal with the host of blockheads who govern this country, Malaysia becomes a real shitty place.

OK, I've finished complaining.

It's quite fun to meet people at the station sometimes though. I met Poh Leong once and he made me feel lots better after I spent 45 minutes waiting for the train in Subang. Yes 45 minutes. And it would make anyone seeth if you were to go through what I went through that day. I missed one train by 5 seconds (pecuting wasn't enough) and then other two trains which were supposed to come in the next 40 minutes were delayed. Sial or not you tell me.

Yesterday i met Jo-Lyn at the station after I missed the train by 30 seconds. Talking to her made me feel heaps better. We were having this conversation about her red eye, and we were trying to remember the word contagious, but you know how some words languish around in the deep recesses of your brain and take a whole lot of mental acrobatics just to make it resurface? So we think la, think think think, think thank thunk...

And then she exclaimed: CONTAGIOUS!

And we broke the moody silence among all the commuters irritated by the KTM with our earth-shattering laughter. That was so fun.

I'm glad I don't have to take the train for the rest of the week wahoooooooooo!

Omg I'm so excited for tomorrow!!!

***

I've been having this question for quite some time but forgot about it.

You know how we say if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned, we would all live forever because sin wouldn't have entered the world?

But really when you think about it, if they hadn't sinned, don't you think their children, or children's children, or at some point in the family tree, someone would have eaten the fruit anyway? And then sin would have entered the world anyway right?

I was gonna say that it's the question I would ask God in heaven, but I suddenly remember Aslan in Narnia saying something along the lines of "you will never know what did not happen".

What was the quote again? Someone do some mental acrobatics and remind me please.

2008-06-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

I CANNOT WAIT FOR WEDNESDAY.

Monday Tuesday, please fly by.

2008-06-01T16:32:00.004+08:00

Oh my. This actually feels good, somewhat cathartic even.

I have abandoned this place for so long I almost see cobwebs adorning my URL. I told myself the first thing I have to do when I come online today is to blog. And I made good on that promise see? =)

Anyway, it's been a very fruitful month and a half.

I had one of the nicest birthdays ever. Well, the birth DAY itself kinda sucked since I had to go teach irritating kids in the morning. I hate my Saturday class. The students are either noisy and disrespectful, or super quiet and timid, like I'm going to eat them up or something. The worst part is that they are all really quite daft (I'm sorry, but really), save for one or two geniuses compared to the rest. So it means I sometimes have to personally guide one or two students who completely cannot write an 80-word karangan while the rest of the class clamour to ask me questions. And then I have students who are so smart they finish their assignment 30 minutes before everyone else. You tell me la, how to handle a class as bipolar as that? But I've managed so far la. Sigh. I really should give this class up, especially since it always interferes with my Saturday plans. Lagipun I draaaaaaaaagg myself out of bed early every Saturday and rush to the place to face a class like that. Is it any wonder I don't look forward to the weekends?

So anyway, on my birthday I dragged myself out of bed to the centre, went through the motions and then had Wei Loong for company at McD's, and came home to strangers intruding my house with their noisy drills and cement-covered feet since my dad decided to put up an awning on my porch. I don't like the awning. I've lived here forever and I never saw the need for an awning. I loved looking out at my porch and seeing the sunlight on the cement floor, and staring at the green green trees and the blue blue sky, and at night when we went out for dinner I'd sometimes glance up at the sky to see if there were any stars and I'd stand on the porch with my face up and breathe in deeply. It was awesome. Now, when I look out all I see is the blue blue sky and half of the green green trees blocked off by the gray underside, and there is no more sunlight on the porch in the afternoon. And no more stars. And when it rains, it roars. Ugh. I hate the awning. Oh! And did I tell you that the other day I forgot we can't push our gate inwards anymore because of the pole, so I stopped my car too near the gate, got out to open it only to realize I can't push it in anymore, so I had to get in the car again, reverse, get out, push the gate out, and THEN only drive in.

I HATE THE AWNING.

So anyway, yeah, my birth DAY was rather bad. But I had awesome celebrations the week before and the day before and the day after. Half the sixers surprised me at home, and then we went out for a really nice lunch. I miss them already! They're awesome. And then at cell we had a nice little celebration with yummy choc cake and pizza. They're awesome too. And then on Sunday I had a joint celebration with Brian and David with the churchies. It was really fun. The churchies are awesome too! =)

I had a one-week holiday after that, today being the last day. *heart falls to the ground and shatters*

The holiday was super awesome. I had a major pigout chillout session everyday, fueled by 24 binges. Sigh, what I would give to have 24 binges every single day of my life. I love 24. It's officially my favourite tv series now, usurping prison break. But it can be quite intense to be watching multiple episodes in one go, so Grey's anatomy was a welcome respite from Jack Bauer, who is probably a cat in human form.

Now I've finished my supply of 24 and Grey's, and there's nothing else to binge on until Shannie gives me season 6 and Jon finds a smaller Grey's season 2 file to download. Jon you rock my socks for offering to do this =)

But really, even if i HAD supply, where would I find time to binge anyway? This is gonna be the craziest month for me. I'm gonna have to finish:
- con behaviour quiz tmr
- org comm
- MCS
- webpage
- animation
- speech to inform
- speech to persuade
all in the next 3 weeks.

Gila baaaabi.

And amidst all that, I found myself agreeing to put it all aside and skip class to take a 3 day sort-of vacation to Penang when Jian called. Nothing is gonna keep me from making this trip, simply because of the company. Gawd I miss them =) I'm just not happy that it's only gonna be three days. I mean, come on. There wouldn't be enough time to really explore Penang's charming streets backpacker-style, especially when I already plan to spend an entire day basking in the sun on Batu Ferringhi. But the company more than makes up for the lack of time. Already I can picture us drunk with laughter late into the night. Already I am so super excited. oooh I can't wait!

So many things have made me happy lately. Friends, sitting at Ikea with Jane and Edeline talking for hours over cappuccino refills (Yes Jess we missed you ;p), Penang, smsing Jian desperately for chemistry equations in the middle of my tuition class and seeing his reply, msn-ing with the pearl about Penang plans, Baskin Robbins on a full stomach with great company, talking to Leng, Penang, the two-day Grey's binge with my sis, Penang, and knowing that I am so blessed.

Knowing that I am so so blessed.

Despite the fact that I have to go back to college tomorrow. sigh.

2008-04-19T20:59:00.002+08:00

I've got the sweetest best friend ever.

Look what she made me!

She sent it through snail mail summore. Who does that anymore nowadays!

TOTALLY made my day.

*smiles*

And look what Jane drew me in class while Mr. Happy droned on.

The Edge Chronicles-inspired.

Pardon the illegible font, irritating graininess and ominous dark shadows. I promise I'll upgrade my phone soon.

Anyway, it says:
I'm weird.
But I want to befriend you.
Can? :)

And this little bus at the side says:
Eek! Giant weirdo! O.O

I feel like a proud mom showing off my kids' artwork on the refrigerator door. But only PROUD moms do that, get it? =)

And Grace, for you. Since I don't msn anymore and your phone doesn't have bluetooth =)

Simon, you blasphemed my good name. I shall come up with an official statement after dinner. I might even consider legal action. Stay tuned to this space.

2008-04-14T00:56:00.002+08:00

Try writing a long essay about how your personality helps you in your life and in an organization, without sounding narcissistic.

I tried. And believe me, it isn't as easy as it sounds. When Mr. Happy gave us the assignment, I thought, piece of cake la. I'll finish it in one hour. And here I am, Sunday - oh no! MONDAY! - morning at 12.59 am still trying to figure out how to fill up three pages worth of me-talk. I am slightly short of two pages. And I'm stuck. I'm not supposed to be stuck! I love writing! Argh!

But I can't write further anymore without sounding narcissistic. I know it's probably just me la, but, oh well, I don't wanna go on and on about how friendly I am and how well I work with other people. I added in a few negative points about myself to counter the narcissism, and I want to add in some more, but I don't know what else except telling him that I'm unpunctual. Nope, definitely not gonna tell him that, especially when my personality test came back showing that I'm *gasp* PUNCTUAL! *laugh laugh laugh*

I'm PUNCTUAL yo people! Hear that?!

How la how la. Nevermind. He's Mr. Happy, so he'll probably accept my 2 pages worth of double spaced- text with an extra space between paragraphs.

Mr. Happy is the 2nd nicest lecturer we've had so far. Top on the list of happy lecturers is Mr. Very Happy, who is sooooo nice and happy all the time. He smiles 24/7 come rain or shine and sometimes makes us laugh just by the way he talks. Too bad his classes are made up of nonabsorbent information and are mainly zoning sessions for the students. But he's so nice la. Poor thing, nobody actually listens to anything he says other than his little jokes and stories.

But! Mr. Happy is different though. We call him Mr. Very Happy's son because they both look vaguely alike. hahahahahah!! He's one of the very few lecturers with substance in sucky KDU. He somehow manages to keep us awake at 8 in the morning. Maybe it's because he has good English with perfect grammar, an extensive vocab and a charming little accent. Or maybe it's because he actually KNOWS his stuff, instead of just shoving information at us. Or maybe because his random little stories are rather funny. Whatever it is, I like going for Mr. Happy's class. It makes me happy!

Quite unlike my class tomorrow morning. Ugh. More on Mr.Mondaymorningblues next time.

***
Recent events have made me realize that I really am not as patient as I thought I was. I am not as cool, calm and collected in pressing situations as I would expect myself to be.

I need to work on this.

Funny how stressful situations reveal yourself to you.

2008-04-08T18:42:00.002+08:00

You guys know Murphy's Law?

The whole day today I was constantly reminded of Hwai Tah explaining to me what it means during his birthday.

"When shit happens, shit happens." -Lee Hwai Tah, MSc Information Technology

Yea well I tembak his certification wan la ok XD

So anyway, here's the scenario.

I wake up at 6.25am, do a quick devotion half dead, rush in and out of the toilet, gulp down the Milo-Nestum mixture my mom had prepared, and rush out to the KTM at 6.35am. The train arrives, the passengers enter, and the guy in front of me snaps up the last seat. I am left squeezing with everyone else all the way to Subang.

Edeline picks me up, we endure an hour of listening to an arrogant lecturer whose demeanor implies he has a problem with the whole class, and then together with Jess we head to Citibank where Edeline gets a warning from Metro Securities for illegal parking. We then have very nice Ipoh hor fun and Hainan chicken which are the only good things to come out of today, and head back to college to meet the radio lecturer.

Now this is the part where I get all pissed.

There isn't parking in college, so we park outside. We try to pay parking at machine number 1504 but the machine just would not accept our coins. We try and try, but it wouldn't cooperate. We say "stupid machine", and then decide to just forget it since we wouldn't take long anyway. Besides, we see the blue uniformed men happily riding away, having already saman-ed the illegal parkers, so we decide it's safe to not pay.

We meet the lecturer, and I still do not believe what he's telling us. Apparently the college changed the mark breakdown system at the last minute without telling the lecturer and the students, which means that the 4 of us have been working our butts off in vain, thinking we would be rewarded accordingly, but in the end everyone in the group gets the same mark. Even the two leeches who did not lift a finger to do anything. Also, in other words, it means that our marks got pulled down because of them.

The lecturer is apologetic, says he knows about the two leeches, and that he's "so so so so sorry" but there's nothing he can do, and that he'd love to bring us out for dinner, and all that. Like that's going to increase my CGPA.

Grudgingly, we go back to the car. And there's a freaking saman on Edeline's car. We manage to catch the man in uniform who gave us the saman, and he says he knows about the spoilt machine, but he can't do anything about it. We do a lot of explaining and tolonglah enciks but he just tells us to appeal at MBPJ.

So that's what we do. Drive to MBPJ, and find out that the system is offline. How many times does that happen in government offices you tell me? Thank goodness we do not require the computer. Edeline makes me write a karangan in BM about why they should cancel our saman, and the woman tells us to wait 14 days to know the result of the appeal. Like it's a court case.

Edeline drops me off at the train station, and the train breaks down. All passengers are required to move to platform 2, where more waiting is required.

"When shit happens, shit happens"

2008-03-30T20:39:00.005+08:00

May and Nigel are the funnest people to shop and hang with.

I tend to always want to shop alone cause I'm always so indecisive, so I'd rather not drag my friends along to go through the misery with me. I remember Edeline and Jane grumbling about being hungry while I frantically scrambled through the pile of clothes I'd gathered. And I ended up not buying anything anyway.

But shopping with May is awesome. Cause she takes as long as I do in one shop. hehe. I think it runs in the blood la... XD Nigel's gotta be the most patient guy ever. And very helpful in making decisions too, besides being a very handy clothes rack. Plus, he never once complained/whined/grumbled. The breast boy rocks!

And I thought I was tall!! >.<

I can't wait for CNY next year! Cos Nigel will be coming down to Melaka with his trusty ol' caaarrrrr!! =) =) =) makan makan makan!! Jonker Jonker Jonker!!

And then I went for the Unity Concert at night. *siiiiiiigh* I wish Roshan had never told me about it. The only reason I even considered going was because he was performing. And then Siyan and her sis, and Grace too, decided that they would support local music, and so we brought Eugene along too.

I am so tak puas because I didn't even get to watch Roshan! They pushed Ktownclan's slot all the way to the end and Eugene couldn't bear waiting around watching lame acts any longer so we left early. Klang is a bad place to hold concerts, seriously. For various reasons, ahaha.

Jeez. Nevermind, at least I contributed to charity.

Seriously, why do all these local DJs and hosts make a big fuss about supporting local music? Do they even realize how bad the local music scene is? Admittedly, I think Mia Palencia is a genius, and no one sings quite like Juwita, and I can't seem to get enough of Estranged's Itu kamu, but other than these few gems in the industry, how do you expect people to be all hyped up for bands that cannot even sing in key or speak English, and bands that pathetically try too hard to look like bona fide rappers, and bands whose lead singer stand on stage practically squirming while the rest of the band members set up, and bands that just emo all the way thinking they look uber cool, and bands that lip synch or whose "songs" consist of one sentence repeated over and over again, and bands that... you feel me?

Sigh. Nevermind, at least I contributed to charity.

For some reason, I'm actually quite excited about going back to college tomorrow despite the fact that I have to wake up at 6.15am. I guess it's always like that la after a long holiday. The novelty factor will wear out by tomorrow night I'm sure. At least this sem we're getting Rubin, so it's not TOO bad I hope, not too many cancelled classes I hope.

Kwang Yew and Pat are gonna be parents yo!!!!!!!! woot woot!! =) =) =)

2008-03-24T23:12:00.006+08:00

I wanted to write this down the other day but I forgot.

I was doing my devotion and I came across this quote which in my opinion, means a lot.

"It may not be possible to always be happy, but it's possible to always have the joy of the Lord"

***

Anyway, I FINALLY met Eugene again, after aeons. He's one of my oldest childhood friends actually, along with Grace. My mom used babysit him when he was 4 or so. We grew up together, went to the same primary school and piano class, he came to church occasionally, and then sadly we just stopped keeping in touch. Which is really sad cos I bet I missed out on tons of stomach aching laughter over the years. The cheeky little water egg boy hasn't changed over the years. He's still as cheeky and drop-dead-laughing-funny as ever.

It was a pleasant surprise meeting him at the children's rally. I've been wanting to meet up with him ever since he came back from Japan but never got around to it. Didn't expect to see him in church but there he was! Just so happened he had to send his sister to the rally and so we ended up talking the whole time. It feels so nice to catch up with an old friend. And to hear all his stories. =)

And then we went to Aeon at night to yum char with Grace. I was soooooo happy, partly because of all his funny stories, but also because the last time we three got together was, what? 2 years ago? And that also was at his party so it didn't count. I felt all warm and fuzzy and comfortable, talking about abusive primary school teachers, and Japan, and our parents, and his cranky family members, and all that. They're such great company larr. That's the beauty of old old friends.

I was gonna dig up old old photos of us three but I got lazy. haha.

We watched Gone Baby Gone after dinner, and the weirdest thing happened.

I. Saw. My. Lecturer. Whom I'm not exactly buddy-buddy with. Walking out of the cinema hall. We were watching the same movie. I mean, cmon. What are the odds of that ever happening? In KLANG summore. You're not supposed to bump into lecturers in Klang!

Errrr......

And then I discovered we were sitting in the same row as another person I knew. And we bumped into Eugene's friend before that outside the cinema. I tell you ahh, you cannot NOT bump into someone you know in Klang malls la. Which is why I'm always on my best behaviour in Klang malls. Ngek ngek.

***

I do NOT like making decisions. I think I'm the most indecisive person ever. A simple issue would get me thinking for days, and still I wouldn't come to a conclusion.

Should I take up the extra class?

Should I go to Melaka on Friday night? Or Roshan's gig? Since it's not everyday he performs in Klang... and since it's not everyday Siyan comes down to Klang at night. hee.

Gosh. Decisions decisions decisions. never ending wan la! >.<

But. I have decided on one thing. That I WILL bake tomorrow. After lazing around reading Da Vinci Code and watching 24 almost everyday, I am finally gonna get off my butt, dig up all the ingredients I semangat-ly bought months ago, and BAKE. Mocha Fudge Brownies, no less. *grins smugly* Yeah, I bake ok! Even though the last time I baked German Apple Pancakes, they turned out, er... lets just say they were edible la ok. I'm quite good at this yes I am.

Tomorrow's brownies will be good. You just wait and see. Jane, if this works out, you girls will have brownies on Monday! And then you'll have to stop whining that I've not baked for you. AND THEN it'll be YOUR turn to bake wahoooo!! ;p

2008-03-18T20:41:00.010+08:00

I have found other more productive activities to carry out during my free time in lieu of sitting in front of my computer banging my heart out on the keyboard. Which justifies my lack of posts in recent weeks.

And boy, have i been spending! I think this new wave of gourmet cakes, as well as all these restaurants with nice ambients and cosy settings only serve to rip us off our hard earned money, we poor poor proletariats who work for the bourgeoisie (to enrich your vocabulary, take a sociology class)

This is a little sneak peek of a day in my days.

Hanging out with the best friend is always always fun. And productive. She makes me laugh, listens patiently to me whine, gives me advice on how to deal with the cockroach(es) in my room, temans me to eat food that burns a hole in the pocket, takes me on a tour of Shah Alam, gives me home-cooked sambal petai, AND introduces me to an Uzbek guy, who is actually real fun to hang with.

Since he got bored tagging along on our womanly shopping trail, we decided to bring him
somewhere more manly.

I dropped Siyan off, had dinner at her place(apparently I have the honour of being the first friend she has brought home for dinner *smugness*), got my feet all muddied up(don't ask), and then headed over to Anna's to give her her surprise.

After all her failed attempts to get me to smile normally,

she finally succeeded! =)

It was a wonderful day, until I came home to find the cockroach STILL in my room. The night before that I had camped out in the living room because I discovered one flying around after I had turned off the lights. I normally have my sister around to run downstairs with me, but she happened to be at camp so I had to deal with this myself. I sprayed Baygon (This other brand like Shieldtox) which I thought had finished off the job but obviously didn't, so when I came home to find it still there my mom had to crawl around the room chasing it to kill it for me. And you'd think the nightmare was over. But horror of horrors IT WASN'T! There was yet another one which my mom had to kill again. Goodness! My room is a freaking cockroach lair I tell you!

There is nothing in the world I'm more afraid of than cockroaches. Why oh why!! I know they don't hurt, I know they don't kill, I know they don't give me diseases (because I have a strong immune system), and yet I'm so afraid. It's so bimbotic I can't even believe myself. This fear is the very bane of my existence. ugh. I've been asking God to help me deal with it, but He hasn't helped one bit. haha. Maybe He will la, in time =)

I've been sleeping in fear ever since my mom killed them both. For the past few days I've kept my glasses by my pillow just in case I hear any cockroach wing-flapping sounds and have to wake up instantly to check it out. A few times I've had to get up and turn on the lights to survey the room because I was just too paranoid. I wake up in the middle of the night in fear, prickling my ears to hear if there are any abnormal sounds in the room. I sometimes don't even dare to turn in bed in case I spark off the cockroach(es)'s receptors or whatever. What is wrong with me?! How bimbotic is that you tell me la!!

Yesterday marked the first night in a few nights I've had a good night's sleep WITHOUT waking up in fear. I hope tonight I'll sleep peacefully too. This is too much to handle. Sigh.

And my sister wasn't even there to share the misery. Which is why I'm glad she's back, cos I miss her. The house has been too quite while she was away. Yesterday I heard her belting a song in the bathroom so loudly I could hear it from downstairs. And I couldn't help chuckling out loud. My sister is BACK babehh!!

And guess who else is back?

Welcome back Queen of sparkling wit and caustic sarcasm! I've missed you!! =)

2008-03-01T22:15:00.003+08:00

I'm so so glad the stupid radio broadcast is over and done with.

It's been a pretty rough week, with a sufficient amount of stress thrown in to keep my head swirling with PSAs, jingles, promos, commercials and SPONSORSHIP every night before going to bed. Or any free time my mind gets to wander, for that matter.

Of course, it doesn't help if you're stuck with two absolutely useless group mates. I'm sorry, I don't have any right to call anyone useless no matter how horrible they may be, but seriously, in this case when I say useless, I MEAN useless. They did not lift a finger to help out at all. No matter how many times the four of us called them to firm things up, in the end nothing would get done on their part. We'd end up doing everything ourselves anyway. They'd promise you ANYTHING, that YES, they'd come to college at 7 in the morning to work on the script, that YES, they'd call their cousin to firm up the sponsorship, that YES, they'd get the posters stamped and put it up, that YES, they'd pass the typed out script to me before they leave for home. And do you think anything got done? Anything at all? And to think that we gave them the easiest, most hassle-free jobs that required the least brain power of all (knowing what small nicotine-filled brains they have)

Half the time they aren't even in class. The sole purpose of them coming to college is to hang at the smoking zone. And every time we have a meeting, if they even bother to show up at all, they'd fool around and play their music on their laptop, and then say in a singsong voice "So can I go nowwww???"

None of us could stand it, but none of us wanted to scream at them either. By right I could have, but I honestly didn't want to be the bad guy. I mean I'm inherently nice la, plus, I know them too well. They're just kids who don't give a damn. You can scream at them all you want. You can be as condescending as you want. Do you think they'd care? Do you think they'd get off their butts and start working?

You know, there was SO MUCH to do, and they did NOTHING. Well, one of them did download the songs, which a ten-year-old kid could have done, but that's it. They did NOTHING else. It's sickening, how people make use of hardworking teammates whom they know will get things done. I tried to tell myself initially that it's alright, that it's an experience to learn from, that next time when we come out to work we'd face more of the same kind of people, but really, does that justify the fact that they didn't do anything? Next time when we come out to work if a teammate lazes around do we just tell ourselves "it's alright, it's how this world is. We were trained to tolerate this kind of behaviour in college"?

And it's so frustrating because none of us wanted to scream at them. I guess cos we are all inherently nice people who just don't want to make enemies. Plus, we just know it wouldn't change anything about them anyway. They just plain don't care. And it sometimes amazes me how irritated I am on the inside and yet I could still play it cool in front of them. Like, we still talk and are friends and all. The other day after the broadcast she came up to me and went "Su Liiiiinnnggg, come gimme a kiss...." And we mwah-mwahed. Argh. I should have just told her to go away.

That's not all. I'm sure some of you know how absolutely crappy it feels when you've put so much effort into something, thinking you would be rewarded accordingly and then end up being disappointed because, really, what were you thinking?!

Jess and I spent so much time putting in background music for the PSAs and commercials and promos, painstakingly constructing melodies from soundclips and editing songs and all, and in the end, the lecturer wasn't even there to hear our broadcast. He only came in abour 20 minutes before we were supposed to go off-air, and he was supposed to grade us! Can you believe it? We could have just saved ourselves all the trouble and come up with some crappy nonsense and nobody would have known or cared. I know it sounds so bimbotic, but seriously, the amount of energy and hard work we put into this whole farce just was not worth one bit at all.

And mind you, it isn't easy just to get a spot to do all the work. KDU has like 10 comp labs or something, and only one miserable smelly(literally) lab has the software we need. And for some reason that lab is ALWAYS used for classes, so we almost never get to sit for one stretch and finish off the work. You have no idea how many times I managed to get hold of the lab, plug in my earphones and open the song, only to be chased out by the lecturer cos they were gonna have a class, or because my dad had arrived to pick me up. AAAaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhh!!

And honestly I'm SO tired of being the organiser, the one who conceptualizes and thinks and delegates jobs. It seems to me I'm always the one putting in extra effort into my group assignments. I sometimes wonder if maybe I've become more worked up about things lately, but I seriously doubt so, because I've always been a rather chillout person. It's just that I'm responsible and I always strive for excellence in my assignments, which means no matter the circumstances I meet the deadlines and I make sure we get our jobs done. But recently I told myself I should stop being the one always doing things. I should take a step back. Maybe it's precisely because I strive so hard and always do the planning that the others just chillout and let me worry about everything. But then if I don't plan and organize, who will? I don't want to get a bad grade just because I let other people's apathy deter me from giving it my best shot.

I do not like KDU. I really don't. When people ask me why, I just tell them I don't know how to explain. Because it isn't one particular thing, it's just EVERYTHING thrown together, from the absolutely irresponsible lecturers who cancel classes according to their own whims and fancies, to people who come to college solely to smoke and socialize, to the pathetic excuse for computer labs, to how they rip us off by giving us sucky facilities, to the horrible food, to how they arrange our timetables with no consideration for students' convenience at all, to the annoying lack of parking spaces, to everything else about it.

I'm sorry if you struggled to read through all that. You didn't have to you know. Hehe. But I feel better. Phew.

2008-02-13T02:32:00.000+08:00

Melaka was fun as always, but tiring because of all the walking.

This year May and I went out every night. I tried satay celup for the first time ever. Can you believe it? 18 years of going back to Malacca, and I've NEVER tried satay celup. I blame it on my health-freak parents. Even in Klang, the ONLY place we ever go to for dinner is Nyonya Kitchen in Bayu, cos apparently they have less oil less salt less ajinomoto whatevernot. We go there for regular dinners, birthdays, family gatherings, to entertain guests, anything. I told my dad once that I could order in my sleep la. He just laughed it off.

But anyway my point is, we never really go out to try the food in Melaka. It's only two years ago that I tried durian cendol in Jonker, and we've only eaten chicken rice balls once. And it's no big deal la really. I think the best chicken rice is still Kin Sun la. heheh! This year May and I queued under the hot sun (QUEUED ok) at some corner shop to tapau the balls, and then later only the guy told us they ran out of it *roll eyes* Cis. And for satay celup I didn't even eat a lot cos I already ate dinner before that, so quite the wasted la. I could have tried Pat's ikan bakar also if I had met up with her and Kwang Yew and Ivan. But I didn't. Because of the satay celup. Which I didn't even eat a lot of. Aiyah!

This year we went Jonker at night and sat at the outdoor bars to wait for my other cousin to bring us to the cinema. The bars on Jonker are so cool. We saw old people doing the joget to some loud techno song, and the ang mohs cheering them on. Quite cool eh. Joget. At the bar. haha. I was so so tempted to take a sip out of my cousin's Carlsberg, just to know what beer tastes like. But I've got very good self-control you know? And we saw a Simon Cowell lookalike! I quite like sitting there people-watching. It's got a very nice vibe, quite unlike the regular clubs in KL. Not like I've ever been to anywhere other than Laundry, but I think Jonker is really more relaxed and friendly and drug-less compared to the booze-infused drug-filled KL ones. Jonker's nightlife during CNY is really really cool. Pasar malam sells everything at really cheap prices. There are SO many people it's suffocating. But that's what makes Jonker Jonker. =)

We watched CJ7 at the cinema after Jonker. The cinema is quite pathetic la actually. The only other movies to watch are kung fu dunk and some other... forgettable stuff. So sad. I didn't even wanna watch CJ7, but I thought whatever la. Let's just blow 10 bucks on something I would NEVER watch in Klang. Lagipun May was going and I didn't wanna stay at home alone. So yeah, I was quite disappointed la. Slow moving movies with cutie chicken little lookalikes aren't really my cup of tea. But I have to admit the movie was heartwarming and tearjerking. Good family movie with just values. Oh and I just found out today the main actor in the movie is actually a girl. Ah HAH! May and I were talking about how he'd grow up to be really hot. Hmmmm...

My little nieces and nephew. The little guy there? We call him samurai. Cos he was really big sized when he was a baby and he looked like some Japanese samurai. hehe. The most adorable-est cutest kid in the world. His smile just lights up your day.

The first day we went swimming. My sis and I swam while May amused herself with my camera.

May amusing herself... XD

And she took some random shots of people around. I think these two are real funny =)
SUCH an adorable little thing!

A random, accidental yoga shot.

This is my favourite shot of the whole trip. It took patience, professionalism and experience to achieve this ok.

This is pretty cool too.

May and my sis

haha lookie at my sis. Just look at her la. haha! Drama queen la!

Maymay, my favouritest cousin of all time!

Taking this was quite scary. But it turned out really good.

I can't wait for next CNY! Melaka rocks my smelly socks!

***

Today I prayed like I've never prayed before. It was so refreshing to just come before the Lord and cry and pour out all my burdens on Him. I've never prayed for my family, friends and for the youth of Grace Klg like I prayed today. I have a lot of things to say but maybe tomorrow. It just feels so so great to cry before the Lord. I need to rediscover the joy of real prayer. All of us need to.

2008-02-07T00:26:00.000+08:00

Melakamelakamelakamelakamelaka!!

Jonkerjonkerjonkerjonkerjonker!!

duriancendolduriancendolduriancendol!!

Shoppingshoppingshoppingshoppingshopping!!

Angpauangpauangpauangpauangpau!!

OOooooohhh I'm excited!!!!!!! Ooooohlala!

2008-01-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

My childhood friend Rebecca left for Australia last Friday.

Look at that cuuuute face la! Even after all these years, she's still the sweet lovable huggable pinchable Becca.

She's been my buddy since I was 4 or 5. She ranks way up there along with Grace and Dexter as the friend I've known for the longest time. Whenever I think of her I get reeeally fond memories.

It started from jumping around on Dexter's bed when our parents attended cell together. Sherrene and Aunty Rita coming in to tell us to keep quite. Making tunnels with Dexter out of his many mattresses. . Then it was GHM and cell at Yi Wen's place on Friday nights. Solving the many many riddles given by my dad in his car while going to cell from GHM. Going into Yi Wen's back room and playing Princess for hours. Joseph Gan being the trumpet blower. The start-stop game. Asking the adults for suggestions of a fruit starting with E. "Catching" after cell. Sweating profusely after that. Lighting rows and rows of candles at her house during tanglong festival one year. Walking around the neighbourhood with lanterns at Yi Wen's house another year. Bitching among ourselves with Grace and Yi Wen. Not "friend"ing the others ocassionally. My very first Psalty cassette. The first ride in her mom's new red Honda. Her birthday at A&W Port Klang. Swimming lessons with bikini man and muscle man. The millipede he threw in the pool to freak us out. Dancing underwater. Holding our breaths and diving to the floor of the pool. Her swimsuit with the floral skirt. "GREECE!!!!!!" (GRACE! rmb? hahahahhaa....) Both of us leading the Sarawak dance with Bawanie. Her hidden Blue poster behind her door. Movie day at her place with lots and lots of Hershey's kisses. What a girl wants.

The list goes on and on and on.

We kind of grew apart as we grew older. But NOTHING can separate the bond between us. She's the kind of buddy I feel completely comfortable around. All my fondest childhood memories have her in it. We go waaaaayyy back. Man I miss her so!

I still remember her infectious, never-ending, super loud laughter. She'd laugh at ANYTHING. It could be some dumb lame joke and she'd laugh and laugh and laugh and make us all laugh along and then suddenly it'd become funny. When she laughs, i tell youuuuuuuu... The whole restaurant will turn and look. hahah! I wish I had time to hang with her before she left. But I had a real hectic week. Not a day/night off. Grrrrrr.

I miss her loadssssss!!!!! Grace I bet you do too!!! =(

Then I met up with Siyan last Sunday. And we bumped into Becca and her friends at the same place. What a coincidence!

I loveeeeeee meeting up with my bestie. Nothing beats a relaxing afternoon with her talking about anything and everything. We really don't see each other much, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. Babe, really wan ok. You add rainbows and sunshine to my day! ;-) Love you heaps!!

2008-01-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday at cell group we watched this short 10 minute thingy on silence. I wouldn't really call it a video, it was more like a string of thought provoking questions flashed out on screen with absolutely no sound. 10 minutes of complete silence. wahhh.

But it was very powerful. We had a discussion later on how our lives are constantly filled with noise, whether from the radio or tv or mp3 player, or whether it's just non-stop talking. It would feel so weird to just sit for 10 minutes doing NOTHING, in complete silence. We're sometimes so bogged down with the noise that we do not learn to listen to God in the silence anymore. And come to think of it, it is usually in the silence that God speaks, not an audible booming voice, but just a still small urge, or a gentle prodding to do something, or even a sudden peace that floods the spirit. It's quite ironic how we often expect the term "listen to God" to mean a literal, audible voice, when we know that that's not very likely to happen. Growing up I've always expected to really hear God's voice, as in talking to a real person and hearing Him talk back. And I'd become disappointed when that didn't happen. I'd question myself if I was truly "Christian" enough, and if I was, why wasn't I hearing God?

And then i came to realise that there was a difference between hearing and listening. We LISTEN to God, but we don't always HEAR His voice. The question is, do we know when God is actually speaking to us? That's where the whole silence thingy comes in. We're always so busy running around doing things, and when we're not, most of the time we're watching tv or online or having music blasting in our ears. When are we actually silent? Just to take a breather. Just to listen if God is speaking. Just to let the peace and calmness quiet our souls.

I realize I used to do that often before I dozed off to sleep every night. I think a lot, about stuff that happens, about my day and how to sort of improve on what went wrong (so to speak). But lately I've been having less and less of these quiet moments. Because I've been busy, not only with college and absolutely unnecessary assignments (like this paper about typography), but also with lots of social events and work. And also because I've been watching heroes till 3am most nights. But that's gonna end soon la. hehe. Lately I haven't been silent at all, to hear God speak, or just to reflect on my day.

Which reminds me of something that's been on my heart for quite some time. I never thought it was important enough to write about, but now that I'm on this topic and I'm inspired, I think I should.

I'm actually a quiet person who cherishes time alone. I mean I love hanging out with friends, and making noise, and laughing, but many times I come home feeling very drained. I don't know how to explain it. I guess it's not really feeling drained la, not physically tired or whatever, but just, wanting to have time alone. I cherish the moments I can spend with a book (because lately I really haven't had the time to read) or the moments I spend sitting at the foot of my bed thinking and talking to God intermittently while peeling my fingernails (yuh, I know. I need to stop!) Just to do nothing and take a breather. I think moments alone are the best time of our lives. We actually learn more about ourselves instead of constantly knowing about other people's business. Like I've always thought it was really cool to travel alone. It's wonderful to have company, but being alone just gives you time to do whatever you want, take however long you want, and absorb more because you take time to see instead of talking and worrying about how to accommodate each other. I think I shall save up money and travel alone la. Sudden epiphany I had there. haha.

Kim was saying how there's this type of personality that's actually introverted, but they tend to draw their energy from other people when they're together, and I think I'm like that. Energy suckers, she said. hehe. I can be noisy and loud around others, and I can talk a lot when I'm with close friends and people I'm comfortable with, but most of the time when I'm not talked to I don't talk. I realize that when having conversations I'm often the listener and not the talker. I tend to listen more and ask questions rather than reveal myself. But I enjoy that, listening and getting to know others more.

There are moments when I'm quiet and someone would go :"suling why you so quiet? You ok ah?" Which is quite weird because it doesn't mean that just because I'm happy I have to talk a lot. Yeah I know, I'm guilty of asking other people the same thing sometimes, but I think we need to learn to see that being quiet doesn't mean there's something wrong. It just means you're tired of talking and you just want to be quiet and listen. Lately I've been getting the feeling that talking is very fun, but really unnecessary. Most of the time we talk rubbish anyway. Nothing particularly important. But then again, we need entertainment, so it's always good to have people around who talk a lot of nonsense and make you laugh. I thank God for people like that.

I'm glad today is a Saturday. I've been out every single night this week. I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MY THAIPUSAM DAY OFF!!! :( And now that I'm teaching I'm talking more than ever. Teaching is so tiring la. I'm so tired of opening my mouth and constantly telling them to be quiet and listen. Now I understand how teachers feel. There's nothing more irritating than to hear students talking when I'm talking. I tend to raise my voice to drown out the murmurs and to make myself even more audible even though I already am. ugh. I am NOT cut out for teaching. I don't think I'm patient enough. But the pay adds to my wallet. So what the heck right.

I came home early from GYLO today just to chillout la. I need to breathe!

2008-01-17T15:22:00.000+08:00

Thanks everyone for all your concern. You're all very much appreciated =)

I'm getting better la. After all, it's just bruises. I haven't been sleeping well these few nights though. Not because I'm traumatised or nightmarish or whatever, but because it hurts when I sleep. I can't sleep on my back because the skin is still very raw, and I can't sleep on my left side either cos my hips hurt, plus I have a rather bad wound on my knee. So I've only been sleeping on my right side. Once in a while when I really cannot tahan then I'll figure a way to contort my body la. Do you know how absolutely uncomfortable that is?!

My knees and butt hurt when I bend or squat, and I HATE the smarting kind of pain on my knee. It gets me sooooo irritated and fidgety I just feel like kicking someone. But at least I can bathe without the plastic cling wrap anymore...hehehhe...

Bern said this: "I believe that God has a purpose, He's calling us to be ready for the end times! Each of us having a little taste of the different things that will be happening in a more drastic way, we're there to experience it, learn from the lessons and help someone else who will go through the same thing in future."

There is so much truth in that. We are approaching the end times and the world is becoming increasingly evil, but we are put on earth for a purpose, for such a time as this. Different ones of us have different destinies, and whatever we go through in life, the pain and hardships and crappy moments, are all to prepare us for what is to come. It makes us so much stronger and prepares us to help others going through the same thing. And I think we should all learn to see that and be more positive in any and every situation. In all things, give thanks. Obviously I'm angry and super annoyed at my snatch thief, and if any of you wants to bash him up (ehem Jeremy? Kwang Yew? ;p) I'd be happy to give him the first superpower kick (heheh!) but I've also been praying for him actually this past few nights. I think more than anything else, we need to pray in order to change the world. That guy needs Jesus. And so do all the other snatch thieves and rapists and robbers and kidnappers and murderers and paedophiles...

Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching. I've been thinking a lot lately, especially this past few days. I find myself growing mentally, like i'm just more chillax about stuff and more accepting, and, well, I don't know la. But I like the change. I like feeling normal and still be able to complete a last minute proposal and go for class even after being almost robbed. Yesterday Darren said I sound very chirpy for someone who almost got mugged, but I thought, well you can't change a thing. Why put yourself through the misery thinking about it right? Besides, I don't exactly feel like moping wat. hehehe...

I ponteng-ed class to type all that out. And I have to teach tonight. Aargh! And please la ok? I don't need a macho man to protect me la! XD

See what I mean?? Sammyo sees... ;p

2008-01-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

You know yesterday I couldn't write? Today I got super a lot of things to write, don't even need to try.

My bag almost got snatched today by some motorcyclist in a red jacket with white stripes. That's the only thing I remember about him. He came from behind while I was walking from my car to college, and I wasn't even carrying my bag on the outside. I think that's why he didn't manage to snatch it, so he held on to my bag and dragged me behind his motorcycle about 40m or so, until we reached the main road and there were cars around. Then he finally realised what an idiot he is and let go. I don't think i can possibly describe what I felt while I was being dragged. It's a HORRIBLE feeling. I wasn't even thinking about my bag, or letting it go to save my life, or whatever. You know how they teach you to just let go of the bag, and scream "fire" instead of "help" and all that? It doesn't work. At that point of time I was just super scared, I wasn't even thinking of the bag, or how to save myself. I just wanted it all to stop. The only thing going through my mind was "Stop dragging me lah you *toot*ing *toot*" I don't know whether he couldn't snatch it cos I was desperately holding on to it or he was just a stupid amateur untrained in the demonic art of bag snatching, and it didn't occur to me that I should look at the number plate. I was just screaming the whole time, about 6 seconds or so, and just dead worried that I probably wouldn't get out of this alive. And I think some people on the road saw it, especially the guy in the Waja. But no one bothered to help. So sad isn't it? So. I gathered myself, picked up my file and cardigan, and gamely stalked off towards college.

I thank God that I'm alive. I mean, dying isn't such a bad thing since I'd be in heaven, but still, I haven't done all the things I want to do before I die. I thank God he didn't have some sort of weapon. I thank God he dragged me on my butt instead of on my stomach face-down. I thank God I didn't hit my head. It sounds so trivial, but I also thank God I didn't lose anything. I just thank God lah, that I lived to blog about it.

Now my bag is torn in half, my jeans are torn on the left knee (they look kinda cool like that actually!), my tank top has holes at the back, and I have horrible bruises all over the back of my hips around my butt. I had to wash my hair hanging my head and bathe with a plastic cling wrap over my butt, you know the kind you use to cover food? haha. And it still hurt like hell. Jane and Jess helped me clean the wounds in the afternoon, but i doubt it's fully cleaned cos I'm too chicken to let my mom put yellow lotion over it. Man it hurt, but I just popped two panadols just now and I'm feeling a bit better la.

But I really really thank God I'm safe, that it's just the butt and it'll heal in time. God works in ways we do not see. I was just thinking that this experience is so cool, something colorful to add to my otherwise mundane day. Obviously I don't ever want to experience it again, and no one should be made to go through it, but I gotta admit it was an experience to jolt me out of my complacency. Friends, we're living in MALAYSIA, where it's NEVER safe, so even though you've heard it a gazillion times, I just wanna remind you again (girls especially): Be careful!

As for the fella, I obviously hope he never does it again, which I highly doubt is gonna happen. If anything, his failure to get anything ~~and my superwomanness~~ probably spurred him to sharpen his act. Lagipun I didn't bother to report because I have a feeling they'd just tell me that these cases happen everyday and they're "working on it". A little part of me wishes that someone close to him would be made to go through what he put me through - maybe a sister or his mother, but then I feel so evil and I have to rebuke myself. If someone hits you on one cheek, turn the other cheek remember? I'm quite surprised that after all that I'm not actually VERY angry at him. I guess to a certain extent I'm still dealing with the shock, and he's just an idiot anyway. Small kid. Sheesh.

Be careful everyone!

2008-01-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

Siyan! =)

I finally met up with her. And it was so fun! It's the same kind of warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I meet up with old friends I know I can feel completely comfortable around. I love talking to her because she just KNOWS. It just feels very right =)

I wanna write, but after abandoning my blog for so long and accumulating thoughts in my mind, I am suddenly at a loss as to what to write.

See la, maybe tomorrow when I have the mood, and after I finish the meeting minutes.

I wish money grew on trees, or at least on my palm tree at home. So many things coming up I want to go for!
1. White water rafting - oh well i just told Pamela I can't make it... :(
2. Switchfoot

Oh. Actually two only lah. hehe.

Why isn't my cbox working??!!

2008-01-02T00:43:00.000+08:00

I've been spending time with the people I love lately. I love Christmas and new year season. It's the time when old friends have no excuse not to get together.

This year wouldn't have been the same without her...

...The woman who has inspired and poured so much into me and I believe into countless others, and who has helped me through the toughest of times.

I'm glad you're back!! Where's my Sarawak Laksa! ;p

I've grown so much in 2007. I haven't really taken the time to think and reflect on this past year, just bits and pieces whenever my mind wanders, but I can honestly say it was THE year of my life, the year in which I learnt so much, grew so much and was inspired so much by the amazing people around me. It was the year that prepared me for what is to come.

Ok flashback some more to 2006.

I was looking through my old photos, and as much as I tell people I do not miss school, once in a while when nostalgia strikes, I really really miss school because of these people...

Kwang Hua is obviously very cina beng and many times I felt out of place because of the language barrier, but I've made friends that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

And of course she's one of them...

What? You think I would miss you out?! ;p Save the best for the last marrrr...

I miss her so much. I hate the fact that we're besties and we can't even meet spontaneously. I hate it that because we're both so busy, we have to schedule our meetups weeks in advance, and most of the time our meetups tak jadi anyway because of last minute disruptions like transport. I hate it that last year I've only met her less than 10 times. I hate it that this season I've met up with everyone else except her, one of the most important people in my life.

But I love her. HEAPS.

Saturday ah!! =)

2007-12-28T20:16:00.000+08:00

I can't believe Benazir Bhutto is dead! I feel like how I felt when Steve Irwin died. I'm shocked dude!

Christmas has come and gone. It's been a flurry of activities: makans, parties, shopping, sleepover, free Gloria Jean's Mint Chocolate Bomb... (ask me how if you wanna know!) =)

Yet the very one thing that I really looked forward to this Christmas, my class party-cum-COHM project in which I really wanted to see my friends saved, turned out to be quite disappointing for me personally. I don't think I did a good job with the sharing. I kind of rushed through whatever I wanted to say because I knew that most of them weren't interested. I let their disinterest and their jokes deter me. And for some reason, I couldn't really get the point across. I was grappling for words, fumbling for things to say.

But I know God's ways are higher than our ways. The seeds have been sown. He'll see to it that they will grow and bear fruit.

2007-12-23T18:45:00.000+08:00

hahahhahahhahahahh!

She can be sooooo adorable sometimes. SOMETIMES!

XD

2007-12-20T01:50:00.000+08:00

Across the Universe is sooooo good! The effects are sooooo awesome. And I am so totally in love with the Liverpudlian accent, though I don't understand a word without MALAY subtitles. haha.

I hate uber cold places, like my college's lecture hall, and cinema halls, and some offices, where they crank the air cond up all the way, freeze you almost to the point of death and then give some excuse that it's centralised so they can't control the temperature. As though lah in this modern, technological era they can't do something about the centralised air cond. As it is it's already contributing immensely to global warming while freezing us out of our skins, in addition to increasing their electric bill, so if only they'd do something about it, this world would be a happier, better place don't you think? Air conditioning is supposed to make you feel COMFORTABLE, not make you feel like jumping on the next flight to the Sahara! Oh but wait, the flight itself may make you freeze to death already.

God has been so so amazing to me. He knows my heart's desire and He just fulfills it without me asking.

Bern gave me 4 tickets the other day to watch MPO and I was so so happy until I realised that because of the last minute notice, NO ONE, neither Siyan nor the sixers nor church friends nor my sister could teman me. And I didn't have the time to call anybody else cos I had to rush out to church already, plus it was really last minute notice =( Oh well, at least God offered? hehe...

Then I received a gift yesterday that I've really wanted all along, and man was I happy to receive it! It was all the more sweeter because it came from someone who means so much to me, and I know it probably cost her more than she could afford, sort of makes me feel rather guilty though I'm also feeling really blessed.

Then yesterday Hyon Le asked if I wanted to watch Across the Universe, which of course I've wanted to watch ever since Grace raved about it but I never had the time before camp. So we went (all on him summore. haha. Thanks man!) and it was gooooood, although the crazygilababi cold negative5 degrees celcius in the cinema completely ruined my comfort.

So yeah, God springs little surprises on you all the time. Never stop expecting! =)

2007-12-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

oh NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I think I'm infecting everyone on my msn list with my stupid PC virus. I'm sorry those who opened the file i apparently sent you, which i did not...

I'm swearing off msn for a while, which is what I've been doing all this while, I just suddenly decided to go online today and lookie what happened.

This feels like michael crichton's -prey-, you know, where I infect everyone? Ugh. Sorry guys.

Btw, don't ever eat at the fun fries shop outside the cinema in Jusco Klang. They have the grossest fish and chips ever. yuck.

I wanna watch acrosssss the universe!!!!!! Siyan Siyan Siyan!!!!

2007-12-15T14:12:00.000+08:00

First of all,

CONGRATS BUSSIES!!!!!! *jumps around screaming* =) =) =) =) =)

I can't believe camp is over. Months and months of planning, and it all ends in the blink of an eye. So potong! I think it was one of the most tiring camps to date for me personally, with the running around getting things done and not being able to sit in during morning sermons, and up until the last night I felt rather disappointed because I felt that this camp I was only to give and not receive (how selfish of me!), but then God showed up on the last night. He touched me, in His own special way. Not as how I expected it to be, not with a big bang or a sudden enlightenment or amidst a great wave of tears, but just silently, gently, as Kim, Sherrene and I were praying for each other. Man, it feels SO GOOD when God speaks in His own gentle way, when He assures, when He gives leading and guidance, when He reminds you that you are called to serve such an awesome God. It really is overwhelming when I think of how great He is. In those precious moments by the window after everything ended for the night, as Kim prayed for me and as the cool wind blew in through the open window, I just felt peace and... assurance. Yeah, that's the word. Assurance. Ever since Sam gave me that word a few weeks ago, I have stored it up in a special corner of my heart and it never fails to bring peace when I think about it. That word is so special to me...

I think my only regret is that I didn't have the time to really make a lot a lot of new friends, which is something I wanted to do before camp. I definitely made new friends, (awesome ones by the way!), and I got to know previous-acquaintances-now-friends better, some I never knew could be so funny and nice to talk to, but really lor, I didn't have the time to go around and talk to people. Nevertheless, camp rocked!! =)

I'm not really gonna show pictures cos most of them are of me and you'd probably bore yourself to death looking at my same smiley face over and over again, so no pictures.

Oh, except of him

Cos he was arguably the funniest GA ever. He gave me a commemorative keychain from First Baptist Church or something, wrapped nicely in blue paper you'd expect to find some sort of treasure inside, and when I smacked him after camp, his pathetic excuse was:"Eh it's a good keychain wat! It says 'The Lord is my Shepherd' at the back!!" -.-"' Ahhhh, that's not all. The next day he gave me THIS...

Like I don't have a washing machine at home,

And the next day he gave me... WHISKAS CAT FOOD, which i gave to Sean for his new cat,

And on the final day he gave me earrings in a shoe polish box from Thailand.

So to atone for his sins, I made him buy me Dunkin Doughnuts at the rest stop. Wasn't JCO, but oh well, it'll do. He's forgiven!!! =) =) =) =)

And of them

Because it was really, truly a blessing and a joy to work with them. Everytime I talk to Bernice and Justin, I am reminded of what it really means to love and serve the Lord with all your heart, and to love and serve others as you would love and serve yourself. I had the opportunity to talk to them at length yesterday at BOB (yeah, of all places), and I'm just so thankful that our paths crossed. They're both such amazing, talented people with a humility which is so rarely found in others, and they've input into my life in more ways than they could possibly imagine. Come to think of it, working with Justin during camp was a lesson in itself and a gentle reminder from God himself, about what it really means to be humble and to have a servant's heart.

Poh Leong is a caring fwen who sends random sms-es to cheer you up, and who has not uttered a single word of complaint even though he was working his butt off behind the scenes the whole of camp. You did an AWESOME job fwen! =)

And of her

Because we're sweater sistahs!! =)

And of them

Because she is such a sweeeeeet lady who's so easy to talk to and who also has a humble, loving, serving heart, and he's so nice and fun to talk to, besides looking so adorable in the picture and being the recipient of my generous gift of Whiskas cat food.

And of him

Because he's a good fwen and a real encouragement, and the first to give me a Cwistmas pwezzie! =)

And of him

Because I like my muka poyo, because I like the ukelele, and because he is THE musician,singer,songwriter,beatboxer,and member of Bus Company, winner of Battle of the Bands 2007!!!!! Woohoooooo!!

Camp was great, and i believe it'd be even greater next year! I need to say this: Committee members, you guys did a GREAT job, each and everyone of you. I am SO PROUD to be a part of the team, and I believe God sees your heart and He will bless you richly for all that you have given. Truly, it was a blessing to have worked with all of you! *Big group hug*

By the way, I've been meaning to do this. heheh. TECK JIN yoyoyo, if you're reading this, which I know you are, so don't pretend like you didn't get this message,

"Be a MAN. Do the RIGHT THING."

XD

2007-12-06T16:42:00.000+08:00

I don't think we pray enough.

Well I definitely don't.

Do we always need a year-end camp or a major Shakers conference or a superb Hillsong concert or a "life-changing" mission trip to get the fire burning?

And when the fire has started, do we have enough fuel to keep it burning for the rest of our lives and beyond? Or is the fire on again off again on again off again depending on the availability of fuel?

Do we pray? For our nation, for the different ministries in church, for the various people in the world who are suffering, for random people God puts in our minds sometimes? Or do we pray only for ourselves, or only when we've got a problem we can't settle on our own?

I've had various challenges from different people recently, and I know there is so much to be done. I get things done, but I really don't pray enough. I've been relying too much on my own strength, with the occasional collective prayer meetings I make myself believe justifies my lack of prayer personally. I've been busy, I've been tired, I've been stressed, I've been running around getting things done. I whisper a short prayer every night before I doze off to sleep. But that doesn't justify my lack of prayer. God deserves more, SO MUCH MORE.

I need Him to help me give Him more.

2007-11-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

I think I have to exercise more self control.

I was supposed to come online ONLY to google the 9 points of Vision 2020, and whatever fathers the prime ministers are called, since, as is the norm with KDU's lecturers, he didn't provide us with the notes he said would be everything we need for the exam.

But look where coming online landed me.

Anyway, I really want to blog about this story cos the whole evening I'd burst out in random fits of silent giggling whenever I thought about it.

So me and Jess were waiting outside the staffroom for Jane and Ruki, and we started looking at the random notices pasted up on the notice board. So we saw this list of students barred for the exam. Basically they didn't pay up, that's why. Jess started scanning the amount they owed the college, 5000+, nothing unusual lah. Until we got to the LAST name on the list. Guess how much s/he owed the college?

RM 1.60

HAHAHAHHAHAHAhahahhahah Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!

RM 1.60!! Being barred for THAT?!! I mean, 1.60 is just enough to buy tehoais at yu yiee, and the college is barring him cos he owes them tehoais??! They must be damn thirsty from all their excessive talk with no action! hahaha...

I think this is one of those random laughing matters that never seem to wear off on me. I was laughing at it with Jess in the afternoon, then again when she told Jane over lunch, then when I suddenly thought of it when I was about to take a nap, then when I thought I should immortalize this story in cyberspace, then after dinner when I was pouring water, and now I'm still laughing about it.

Ok maybe it's just me la, but who cares. It's so uber funny to me! Now I have to memorize vision 2020, which is not funny at all thankyouverymuchbyebye.

2007-11-23T19:37:00.000+08:00

I don't believe it.

The kids next sem might get Bernice Chauly as their photography lecturer. BERNICE CHAULY! Wth!!

Why didn't they get her to teach one semester earlier?! It would have saved me all the misery of sitting in his class watching him babble nonsense and ask unanswered questions! Jeez.

But then again, I have happier stuff to focus on. I can't wait for the internship. Wooohoooooooo!!

2007-11-21T14:32:00.000+08:00

A big thank you to each and everyone who smsed/called/left messages in my cbox. You guys are the best! Love you all! And I really appreciate your concern =)

But I'm fine, really. I realize it's a phase, so I'm just taking it one day at a time, and trusting in God with all my heart. I feel a lot better though, knowing I'm loved. weeeeeee!! ;p

Anyway, we had this photo exhibition yesterday at college, which I'm SO glad is over and done with. It was AWESOME though, you should have seen the colours and deco, it was so nice! I'll let the pics do the talking.

This booth is one of my favourites. The deco is so uber nice! They had really cool lighting and plush cushions and little teddy bears all around, I guess it was so comfortable one visiting photographer took the opportunity to SLEEP there!

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is OUR booth.

No prizes for guessing what our theme was. My guitar is there on display in case you still cannot figure out...

I LOVE the winding keyboard, cos I did it mahh, hehe. These pictures don't really do justice to how nice our booth looked. It was really cool la in my opinion, especially cos we took so much time to get the wires right and put the pics up. The dumb wires didn't wanna cooperate ok. Took MOUNTAINS of celophane tape and loads of screaming from Jess to finally get it to stay put. XD

Edeline and I climbed up on bars to put up the cloth and cds. My feet and palms were sweating like crazy cos I was soooo scared I was gonna fall. Thank God we didn't!

My group mates

Does anything here look familiar?? Eheemmm... ;p

My three pictures...

Christmas coming mahhhh... XD

So sayang laa the exhibition one day only. I always get this sayang feeling after putting so much effort into something and then having to dismantle it. Everytime Rangers camp/anniversary also like that. Aiseh. Anyways it was good fun decorating and everything la, despite stressing out before that. Let's see what the kids come up with next semester =)

2007-11-18T21:18:00.000+08:00

There are certain days when I feel that life is one pointless, painful journey culminating in nothingness. I just feel so emotional, not necessarily depressed or suicidal, just, very uneasy. Bothered. Irritated. Pissed. Sad. On days like these I just wish I could let everything go and drive to a remote beach alone to think and destress.

I guess it's because I have too many things on my mind, coupled with all the extra unnecessary emotional stress thrown upon me recently. Rushing to and fro for practices and worrying about the photo exhibition and finals is bad enough, but I also have a hell lot of stuff going on in my personal life lately.

It sucks to feel like that. I hate being emo. I've always prided myself in being happy-go-lucky, in being able to move on and laugh myself silly after crying my heart out, but it's become so painful inside, I don't know how long it will take me to get over this round of waves, if only I had a surfboard! There I was, driving to JJ after church to meet up with siew leng, su wei and anna, and I was just thinking about everything and I just started crying, alone in the car. I feel so unworthy sometimes serving in church, the only thing keeping me going is the assurance of God, knowing that He's there for me, that He loves me, that He sees me worthy, and if He's called me then He's gonna make things work out for me.

I think I'm so emotional right now, every single little thing gets me worked up. It gets me worried for nothing. Like just now as I was talking and catching up with the three wonderful friends I have, talking about the future and how all three of them are going off overseas to realise their dreams, I just realised that I really don't know if MY dreams will come to past. If I will get the chance to go overseas, because the only way I'll get to go is if God grants me another scholarship. And I was listening to their stories about how great things are on their side, in terms of college and all, and how they really never have to worry about money because their scholarship covers everything, and I started comparing myself again, which is the worst thing anyone can do. It got me all worked up again because I really am NOT happy where I'm studying. I thank God for the friends I've made, especially for Jane and Jess cos I don't think I could possibly survive without them, but going to college everyday is a real burden, mainly because I really cannot stand the absolute lack of commitment and dedication from some of the lecturers, plus the fact that there is a lack of people there who can actually help me to learn, to grow, people who can be good influences in my life. It's just so depressing to be constantly surrounded by people whose only concern is which bar to party at that night.

College is not the main issue here, it's the hurt inside. I know I have people around me I can always turn to, people like Kim and Siyan and Sherrene, but sometimes it's so tiring just to talk about it that I'd rather go up to my room and fall asleep crying and praying. And think about the word from God that Sam had for me.

Assurance.

I need truckloads of it right now. I'm such a mess. God.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore