If you pray for patience, does God give you patience, or does he give you opportunities to be patient?
If you pray that God will bring your family closer, does he bring you closer, or does he give you opportunities to be closer?

Hmmm...now that got me thinking.

Been facing some stuff lately and it's been pretty hard for me. Sometimes i don't know what to feel or think. It's just, too profound and ununderstandable for me to understand. I get exhausted and fall asleep just praying about it. Sometimes I wonder whether it's really all worth it...to put on a facade and pretend everything is alright. Be all smiley and nice and little miss perfect to everybody around me. To care so much about what others think. I really salute people who are just really vocal and public about all the dirt in their lives. They go around cursing and swearing and spelling out in detail everything they go through in their lives. I wish I could do THAT sometimes. heh. But then again, what's my problem is my problem. I don't have it in me to go around taking it out on others, merajuking and putting on a sour face in front of my friends, being snappy and irritated at the slightest thing, emoing and affecting other people's emotions at the same time. People like that irritate the crap out of me. In fact I just encountered someone like that just now. So damn irritating. And yet I chose to keep my mouth shut, put on a smiley face, be nice about it, pretend everything is alright. I don't understand myself sometimes.

Pastor John told us just now that he prays for desperation for all of us, because it's only when we're desperate that we really cling on to Jesus, to trust in him for everything. That, i find, is so true. In fact, I think i just may be going through my period of desperation now. I learnt early on that life isn't always a bed of roses. In fact, it is NEVER a bed of roses. The sooner you learn to deal with that, the happier you become. I guess I'm generally a happy person. I go through loads of stuff that I guess everyone goes through sooner or later. But I'm glad God put in me the ability to take my problems one day at a time, to not allow anything to hurt me so deeply that I completely give up altogether, to learn to live and let die, to be happy and joyful amidst all the negative stuff, to be able to cry and yet laugh again, to tolerate all the crap in this world.

Thank you Jesus. I love you loads.