Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My childhood friend Rebecca left for Australia last Friday.

Look at that cuuuute face la! Even after all these years, she's still the sweet lovable huggable pinchable Becca.

She's been my buddy since I was 4 or 5. She ranks way up there along with Grace and Dexter as the friend I've known for the longest time. Whenever I think of her I get reeeally fond memories.

It started from jumping around on Dexter's bed when our parents attended cell together. Sherrene and Aunty Rita coming in to tell us to keep quite. Making tunnels with Dexter out of his many mattresses. . Then it was GHM and cell at Yi Wen's place on Friday nights. Solving the many many riddles given by my dad in his car while going to cell from GHM. Going into Yi Wen's back room and playing Princess for hours. Joseph Gan being the trumpet blower. The start-stop game. Asking the adults for suggestions of a fruit starting with E. "Catching" after cell. Sweating profusely after that. Lighting rows and rows of candles at her house during tanglong festival one year. Walking around the neighbourhood with lanterns at Yi Wen's house another year. Bitching among ourselves with Grace and Yi Wen. Not "friend"ing the others ocassionally. My very first Psalty cassette. The first ride in her mom's new red Honda. Her birthday at A&W Port Klang. Swimming lessons with bikini man and muscle man. The millipede he threw in the pool to freak us out. Dancing underwater. Holding our breaths and diving to the floor of the pool. Her swimsuit with the floral skirt. "GREECE!!!!!!" (GRACE! rmb? hahahahhaa....) Both of us leading the Sarawak dance with Bawanie. Her hidden Blue poster behind her door. Movie day at her place with lots and lots of Hershey's kisses. What a girl wants.

The list goes on and on and on.

We kind of grew apart as we grew older. But NOTHING can separate the bond between us. She's the kind of buddy I feel completely comfortable around. All my fondest childhood memories have her in it. We go waaaaayyy back. Man I miss her so!

I still remember her infectious, never-ending, super loud laughter. She'd laugh at ANYTHING. It could be some dumb lame joke and she'd laugh and laugh and laugh and make us all laugh along and then suddenly it'd become funny. When she laughs, i tell youuuuuuuu... The whole restaurant will turn and look. hahah! I wish I had time to hang with her before she left. But I had a real hectic week. Not a day/night off. Grrrrrr.

I miss her loadssssss!!!!! Grace I bet you do too!!! =(

Then I met up with Siyan last Sunday. And we bumped into Becca and her friends at the same place. What a coincidence!

I loveeeeeee meeting up with my bestie. Nothing beats a relaxing afternoon with her talking about anything and everything. We really don't see each other much, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. Babe, really wan ok. You add rainbows and sunshine to my day! ;-) Love you heaps!!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Yesterday at cell group we watched this short 10 minute thingy on silence. I wouldn't really call it a video, it was more like a string of thought provoking questions flashed out on screen with absolutely no sound. 10 minutes of complete silence. wahhh.

But it was very powerful. We had a discussion later on how our lives are constantly filled with noise, whether from the radio or tv or mp3 player, or whether it's just non-stop talking. It would feel so weird to just sit for 10 minutes doing NOTHING, in complete silence. We're sometimes so bogged down with the noise that we do not learn to listen to God in the silence anymore. And come to think of it, it is usually in the silence that God speaks, not an audible booming voice, but just a still small urge, or a gentle prodding to do something, or even a sudden peace that floods the spirit. It's quite ironic how we often expect the term "listen to God" to mean a literal, audible voice, when we know that that's not very likely to happen. Growing up I've always expected to really hear God's voice, as in talking to a real person and hearing Him talk back. And I'd become disappointed when that didn't happen. I'd question myself if I was truly "Christian" enough, and if I was, why wasn't I hearing God?

And then i came to realise that there was a difference between hearing and listening. We LISTEN to God, but we don't always HEAR His voice. The question is, do we know when God is actually speaking to us? That's where the whole silence thingy comes in. We're always so busy running around doing things, and when we're not, most of the time we're watching tv or online or having music blasting in our ears. When are we actually silent? Just to take a breather. Just to listen if God is speaking. Just to let the peace and calmness quiet our souls.

I realize I used to do that often before I dozed off to sleep every night. I think a lot, about stuff that happens, about my day and how to sort of improve on what went wrong (so to speak). But lately I've been having less and less of these quiet moments. Because I've been busy, not only with college and absolutely unnecessary assignments (like this paper about typography), but also with lots of social events and work. And also because I've been watching heroes till 3am most nights. But that's gonna end soon la. hehe. Lately I haven't been silent at all, to hear God speak, or just to reflect on my day.

Which reminds me of something that's been on my heart for quite some time. I never thought it was important enough to write about, but now that I'm on this topic and I'm inspired, I think I should.

I'm actually a quiet person who cherishes time alone. I mean I love hanging out with friends, and making noise, and laughing, but many times I come home feeling very drained. I don't know how to explain it. I guess it's not really feeling drained la, not physically tired or whatever, but just, wanting to have time alone. I cherish the moments I can spend with a book (because lately I really haven't had the time to read) or the moments I spend sitting at the foot of my bed thinking and talking to God intermittently while peeling my fingernails (yuh, I know. I need to stop!) Just to do nothing and take a breather. I think moments alone are the best time of our lives. We actually learn more about ourselves instead of constantly knowing about other people's business. Like I've always thought it was really cool to travel alone. It's wonderful to have company, but being alone just gives you time to do whatever you want, take however long you want, and absorb more because you take time to see instead of talking and worrying about how to accommodate each other. I think I shall save up money and travel alone la. Sudden epiphany I had there. haha.

Kim was saying how there's this type of personality that's actually introverted, but they tend to draw their energy from other people when they're together, and I think I'm like that. Energy suckers, she said. hehe. I can be noisy and loud around others, and I can talk a lot when I'm with close friends and people I'm comfortable with, but most of the time when I'm not talked to I don't talk. I realize that when having conversations I'm often the listener and not the talker. I tend to listen more and ask questions rather than reveal myself. But I enjoy that, listening and getting to know others more.

There are moments when I'm quiet and someone would go :"suling why you so quiet? You ok ah?" Which is quite weird because it doesn't mean that just because I'm happy I have to talk a lot. Yeah I know, I'm guilty of asking other people the same thing sometimes, but I think we need to learn to see that being quiet doesn't mean there's something wrong. It just means you're tired of talking and you just want to be quiet and listen. Lately I've been getting the feeling that talking is very fun, but really unnecessary. Most of the time we talk rubbish anyway. Nothing particularly important. But then again, we need entertainment, so it's always good to have people around who talk a lot of nonsense and make you laugh. I thank God for people like that.

I'm glad today is a Saturday. I've been out every single night this week. I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MY THAIPUSAM DAY OFF!!! :( And now that I'm teaching I'm talking more than ever. Teaching is so tiring la. I'm so tired of opening my mouth and constantly telling them to be quiet and listen. Now I understand how teachers feel. There's nothing more irritating than to hear students talking when I'm talking. I tend to raise my voice to drown out the murmurs and to make myself even more audible even though I already am. ugh. I am NOT cut out for teaching. I don't think I'm patient enough. But the pay adds to my wallet. So what the heck right.

I came home early from GYLO today just to chillout la. I need to breathe!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Thanks everyone for all your concern. You're all very much appreciated =)

I'm getting better la. After all, it's just bruises. I haven't been sleeping well these few nights though. Not because I'm traumatised or nightmarish or whatever, but because it hurts when I sleep. I can't sleep on my back because the skin is still very raw, and I can't sleep on my left side either cos my hips hurt, plus I have a rather bad wound on my knee. So I've only been sleeping on my right side. Once in a while when I really cannot tahan then I'll figure a way to contort my body la. Do you know how absolutely uncomfortable that is?!

My knees and butt hurt when I bend or squat, and I HATE the smarting kind of pain on my knee. It gets me sooooo irritated and fidgety I just feel like kicking someone. But at least I can bathe without the plastic cling wrap anymore...hehehhe...

Bern said this: "I believe that God has a purpose, He's calling us to be ready for the end times! Each of us having a little taste of the different things that will be happening in a more drastic way, we're there to experience it, learn from the lessons and help someone else who will go through the same thing in future."

There is so much truth in that. We are approaching the end times and the world is becoming increasingly evil, but we are put on earth for a purpose, for such a time as this. Different ones of us have different destinies, and whatever we go through in life, the pain and hardships and crappy moments, are all to prepare us for what is to come. It makes us so much stronger and prepares us to help others going through the same thing. And I think we should all learn to see that and be more positive in any and every situation. In all things, give thanks. Obviously I'm angry and super annoyed at my snatch thief, and if any of you wants to bash him up (ehem Jeremy? Kwang Yew? ;p) I'd be happy to give him the first superpower kick (heheh!) but I've also been praying for him actually this past few nights. I think more than anything else, we need to pray in order to change the world. That guy needs Jesus. And so do all the other snatch thieves and rapists and robbers and kidnappers and murderers and paedophiles...

Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching. I've been thinking a lot lately, especially this past few days. I find myself growing mentally, like i'm just more chillax about stuff and more accepting, and, well, I don't know la. But I like the change. I like feeling normal and still be able to complete a last minute proposal and go for class even after being almost robbed. Yesterday Darren said I sound very chirpy for someone who almost got mugged, but I thought, well you can't change a thing. Why put yourself through the misery thinking about it right? Besides, I don't exactly feel like moping wat. hehehe...

I ponteng-ed class to type all that out. And I have to teach tonight. Aargh! And please la ok? I don't need a macho man to protect me la! XD


See what I mean?? Sammyo sees... ;p

Monday, January 14, 2008

You know yesterday I couldn't write? Today I got super a lot of things to write, don't even need to try.

My bag almost got snatched today by some motorcyclist in a red jacket with white stripes. That's the only thing I remember about him. He came from behind while I was walking from my car to college, and I wasn't even carrying my bag on the outside. I think that's why he didn't manage to snatch it, so he held on to my bag and dragged me behind his motorcycle about 40m or so, until we reached the main road and there were cars around. Then he finally realised what an idiot he is and let go. I don't think i can possibly describe what I felt while I was being dragged. It's a HORRIBLE feeling. I wasn't even thinking about my bag, or letting it go to save my life, or whatever. You know how they teach you to just let go of the bag, and scream "fire" instead of "help" and all that? It doesn't work. At that point of time I was just super scared, I wasn't even thinking of the bag, or how to save myself. I just wanted it all to stop. The only thing going through my mind was "Stop dragging me lah you *toot*ing *toot*" I don't know whether he couldn't snatch it cos I was desperately holding on to it or he was just a stupid amateur untrained in the demonic art of bag snatching, and it didn't occur to me that I should look at the number plate. I was just screaming the whole time, about 6 seconds or so, and just dead worried that I probably wouldn't get out of this alive. And I think some people on the road saw it, especially the guy in the Waja. But no one bothered to help. So sad isn't it? So. I gathered myself, picked up my file and cardigan, and gamely stalked off towards college.

I thank God that I'm alive. I mean, dying isn't such a bad thing since I'd be in heaven, but still, I haven't done all the things I want to do before I die. I thank God he didn't have some sort of weapon. I thank God he dragged me on my butt instead of on my stomach face-down. I thank God I didn't hit my head. It sounds so trivial, but I also thank God I didn't lose anything. I just thank God lah, that I lived to blog about it.

Now my bag is torn in half, my jeans are torn on the left knee (they look kinda cool like that actually!), my tank top has holes at the back, and I have horrible bruises all over the back of my hips around my butt. I had to wash my hair hanging my head and bathe with a plastic cling wrap over my butt, you know the kind you use to cover food? haha. And it still hurt like hell. Jane and Jess helped me clean the wounds in the afternoon, but i doubt it's fully cleaned cos I'm too chicken to let my mom put yellow lotion over it. Man it hurt, but I just popped two panadols just now and I'm feeling a bit better la.

But I really really thank God I'm safe, that it's just the butt and it'll heal in time. God works in ways we do not see. I was just thinking that this experience is so cool, something colorful to add to my otherwise mundane day. Obviously I don't ever want to experience it again, and no one should be made to go through it, but I gotta admit it was an experience to jolt me out of my complacency. Friends, we're living in MALAYSIA, where it's NEVER safe, so even though you've heard it a gazillion times, I just wanna remind you again (girls especially): Be careful!

As for the fella, I obviously hope he never does it again, which I highly doubt is gonna happen. If anything, his failure to get anything and my superwomanness probably spurred him to sharpen his act. Lagipun I didn't bother to report because I have a feeling they'd just tell me that these cases happen everyday and they're "working on it". A little part of me wishes that someone close to him would be made to go through what he put me through - maybe a sister or his mother, but then I feel so evil and I have to rebuke myself. If someone hits you on one cheek, turn the other cheek remember? I'm quite surprised that after all that I'm not actually VERY angry at him. I guess to a certain extent I'm still dealing with the shock, and he's just an idiot anyway. Small kid. Sheesh.

Be careful everyone!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Siyan! =)





I finally met up with her. And it was so fun! It's the same kind of warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I meet up with old friends I know I can feel completely comfortable around. I love talking to her because she just KNOWS. It just feels very right =)

I wanna write, but after abandoning my blog for so long and accumulating thoughts in my mind, I am suddenly at a loss as to what to write.

See la, maybe tomorrow when I have the mood, and after I finish the meeting minutes.

I wish money grew on trees, or at least on my palm tree at home. So many things coming up I want to go for!
1. White water rafting - oh well i just told Pamela I can't make it... :(
2. Switchfoot

Oh. Actually two only lah. hehe.

Why isn't my cbox working??!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I've been spending time with the people I love lately. I love Christmas and new year season. It's the time when old friends have no excuse not to get together.

























This year wouldn't have been the same without her...

...The woman who has inspired and poured so much into me and I believe into countless others, and who has helped me through the toughest of times.

I'm glad you're back!! Where's my Sarawak Laksa! ;p


I've grown so much in 2007. I haven't really taken the time to think and reflect on this past year, just bits and pieces whenever my mind wanders, but I can honestly say it was THE year of my life, the year in which I learnt so much, grew so much and was inspired so much by the amazing people around me. It was the year that prepared me for what is to come.

Ok flashback some more to 2006.

I was looking through my old photos, and as much as I tell people I do not miss school, once in a while when nostalgia strikes, I really really miss school because of these people...



Kwang Hua is obviously very cina beng and many times I felt out of place because of the language barrier, but I've made friends that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

And of course she's one of them...

What? You think I would miss you out?! ;p Save the best for the last marrrr...

I miss her so much. I hate the fact that we're besties and we can't even meet spontaneously. I hate it that because we're both so busy, we have to schedule our meetups weeks in advance, and most of the time our meetups tak jadi anyway because of last minute disruptions like transport. I hate it that last year I've only met her less than 10 times. I hate it that this season I've met up with everyone else except her, one of the most important people in my life.

But I love her. HEAPS.

Saturday ah!! =)