I desperately need to do something about my memory power. I could be memorizing my brains off about something and think i know it like the back of my hand, but in the exam hall everything just turns blank. Not everything, but the most CRUCIAL and BASIC things like definitions or little bullet points. Or you could tell me something and make me remember it and I'll forget it the next moment. Or I could be wishing somebody happy birthday and forget their birth date two days later. Or I could leave my project on top of my bag to ensure i remember to bring it to college but then I'll grab my bag and completely forget about the project and then I will suddenly remember it when we're at the southern park traffic light and my dad will have to turn back and waste petrol just so I could grab it and just to spice things up a little I would make my sister and her friend late for school too.

It's just not worth it lah, cramming for MRM like what I did today. I go into the hall and I can't even remember the answer to the first question. And i was gila babi memorizing it before that, even using images to associate with the point and all that stuff they teach you about remembering things. *roll eyes*

How ah? Anybody got solution? Or conducting a memory class or something?

I think I'm just so so blessed. My life is not perfect, and neither is yours, but our lives are a thousand times better than the kids living in charity homes. I was helping out at Hope Home last Friday and the kids' lives pretty much broke my heart. They are just so lonely and sad, and so in need of attention. More than anything, what struck me most is the lack of love they have. They're pretty much left alone to mind their own business, they have to wash their own clothes and if they don't wash then they'll be stuck with the same dirty smelly stained outfits for the rest of their lives until someone gives them new clothes, they can't gobble down food every 10 minutes or so like I do at home, they can't do much during their free time because they don't have a tv and I doubt they're allowed to roam around freely on cyberspace. And the lady in charge is just really mean to them, in a matronly kind of way la, not the abusive kind of way. It was just a very humbling experience, to see how these people live without proper care and enough LOVE. I don't know how inferior and inadequate they must feel, but I can suppose that it must be very, because many of them just didn't want to talk to us at all when we arrived. The girls didn't smile back when we smiled, and some of them practically stormed off when we started talking to them. I started to think they hated us for being more priviledged than them. But there are some who just craved attention. I started talking to this boy named Dinash. haha. Got story wan. Wait lah, read on. Especially YOU, Dinash Aravind if you're reading. hehe.

Remember I said the lady in charge is really mean? Yeah, she was screaming at Dinash and pretty much humiliated him in front of us, because he wanted to go inside the room and when he was locked out he played rhythms on a milo tin and made some noise. SOME noise only, not even a lot, then she scream scream scream at him and told us in front of him that she can't stand him anymore and ask us to find ways to deal with him. And then we were all staring at him, cause we didn't know how to react. You should have seen the look in Dinash's eyes. It was so hauntingly sad. It was SO awkward for all of us and there was pindrop silence for a while until I sort of squeaked:"Er, maybe u can ask him to follow us downstairs?" and then Fariz made light of the situation and went "ya man, come on bro!" hehe.

So we went downstairs and then I started talking to him. He's 12 and just such a sweet little thing who really lacks love and care and attention and friends. He spun stories about it being his birthday and flying home to Sabah every Friday to see his mother and brother and because of that I should come on Thursdays instead in order to see him. Then he asked me for a birthday present. Said he wanted a ball, but a toy helicopter would be better. And he's the guy who sort of smells because he doesn't wash his clothes. So I went:

"U like to play football don't you?"

"yah"

"U know I have a friend who plays football very well. His name is also Dinash, like you. He's studying in Indonesia now and he plays very good football. The thing is, he washes his clothes all the time. You want to be a good footballer right?"

"yah"

"then u must wash your clothes everyday, like my friend Dinash. Then you'll be a very good footballer, like him. ok?"

Then he just looked at me one kind. and then he nodded and smiled a silly smile, like, a hello-you-think-i'm-that-stupid-ah smile. haha.

The kids really really need friends who care for them. I figured that to put up with them and smile and be nice and obliging is just really easy, but to actually LOVE them? hmm..."as cold as charity"... The bunch of us want to make our visits there productive la. No point going there every week and just talk nonsense to them again. I might teach them to play music, and Jess and Jane and Angelina will come up with games (;p). And Fariz will...HAHA! choreograph the high school musical dance for them. hahah! (inside joke)

I really don't treasure my life and my blessings enough. I don't think too much about the amount of love I receive, from family and friends.

And to top it all off, I almost crashed the car just now. Major harrowing experience for me. I'm never gonna be able to pass by istana again without having chills. brrrrr....