I'm feeling a bit deep now, so I thought I'd just pen down some of the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head, besides the Tinkerbell thingy. hehe.

The other day Nescafe Kick Start held some recruiting drive at coll, so me Jane and Jess went over to berbusybody, not like we'd get in, but we signed up for the freebies you know? hehe. We were supposed to write down what our dream job was. All along I have never been absolutely certain what I was gonna do with my life. I knew I was definitely gonna deal with the media and people, maybe television, or print journalism. Or PR. I don't mind any of these, but I never knew what exactly to say when people asked me what I wanted to be, cos I don't KNOW what I want to be. And standing there that day filling up the form, for some reason, a lightbulb went off in my head. Before I knew it, I wrote:

"Travel journalist focusing on human rights issues"

Now where did that come from? That kind of life never even crossed my mind, though I knew I was going to go places I've never been to in the future. And then I was watching blood diamond yesterday and it made me think more about what I want to do with my life. And then I thought of that amazing lawyer from Grace PJ who saves up money and self-funds her trips to help people around the world. What a fulfilling life, knowing she's doing SOMETHING to make this world a better place instead of just donating money or canned food to some charity organisation all the time!

We are seriously so blessed and we don't always treasure it. I sometimes feel so guilty for whining about trivial non-issues in my life while someone else across the globe is having his/her brains blown up by a bomb. Sounds totally gory, but that's just the way this world is. And here I am whining about discarded protein samples from space. And I also feel absolutely stupid talking about these kinds of issues when I'm not exactly doing anything to make this world a slightly better place.

And yet deep inside me I want to help. I want to go out there. To what? Get myself killed? I don't know. Maybe, but then I will be in heaven, and who doesn't want to be in heaven?

Of course, it would be AWESOME if I have a life filled with luxury, a 9to5 job with minimal stress, a huge, nice house with a biiiig library (Jane you can borrow books from me then ;p), one of those nice infinity swimming pools, a nice kitchen where I can learn how to cook *erhhheeem*, a huge walk-in wardrobe with rows and rows of clothes and SHOEEEEESSS, and a nice big sturdy preferably black car which doesn't tremble like the little white kancil does when i go 110kmph on the NKVE, oh and did I mention a nice house with a cute little balcony and huge glass picture windows framed by expensive curtains overlooking a scenic garden which I don't have to tend to cos I'll hire a gardener?

And yet, now as I picture this wunnerful life, I know I wouldn't be completely happy. I wouldn't be able to rest knowing there are people who are just struggling to keep themselves alive. I still want to have that house and that amazing life, but at the same time I wanna do something to help this screwed up world. I don't know whether I'll actually be a travel journalist, but I wanna help in some way. And that would start with me sorting my garbage to recycle. See? That's one example of how I feel stupid when I talk about issues like these. I wanna recycle, but I don't really do much about it. I only recycle old newspapers, but not plastic and cans. I really feel like a hypocrite sometimes. ugh.

We'll see where God leads me. I can't wait.