I'm so so glad the stupid radio broadcast is over and done with.

It's been a pretty rough week, with a sufficient amount of stress thrown in to keep my head swirling with PSAs, jingles, promos, commercials and SPONSORSHIP every night before going to bed. Or any free time my mind gets to wander, for that matter.

Of course, it doesn't help if you're stuck with two absolutely useless group mates. I'm sorry, I don't have any right to call anyone useless no matter how horrible they may be, but seriously, in this case when I say useless, I MEAN useless. They did not lift a finger to help out at all. No matter how many times the four of us called them to firm things up, in the end nothing would get done on their part. We'd end up doing everything ourselves anyway. They'd promise you ANYTHING, that YES, they'd come to college at 7 in the morning to work on the script, that YES, they'd call their cousin to firm up the sponsorship, that YES, they'd get the posters stamped and put it up, that YES, they'd pass the typed out script to me before they leave for home. And do you think anything got done? Anything at all? And to think that we gave them the easiest, most hassle-free jobs that required the least brain power of all (knowing what small nicotine-filled brains they have)

Half the time they aren't even in class. The sole purpose of them coming to college is to hang at the smoking zone. And every time we have a meeting, if they even bother to show up at all, they'd fool around and play their music on their laptop, and then say in a singsong voice "So can I go nowwww???"

None of us could stand it, but none of us wanted to scream at them either. By right I could have, but I honestly didn't want to be the bad guy. I mean I'm inherently nice la, plus, I know them too well. They're just kids who don't give a damn. You can scream at them all you want. You can be as condescending as you want. Do you think they'd care? Do you think they'd get off their butts and start working?

You know, there was SO MUCH to do, and they did NOTHING. Well, one of them did download the songs, which a ten-year-old kid could have done, but that's it. They did NOTHING else. It's sickening, how people make use of hardworking teammates whom they know will get things done. I tried to tell myself initially that it's alright, that it's an experience to learn from, that next time when we come out to work we'd face more of the same kind of people, but really, does that justify the fact that they didn't do anything? Next time when we come out to work if a teammate lazes around do we just tell ourselves "it's alright, it's how this world is. We were trained to tolerate this kind of behaviour in college"?

And it's so frustrating because none of us wanted to scream at them. I guess cos we are all inherently nice people who just don't want to make enemies. Plus, we just know it wouldn't change anything about them anyway. They just plain don't care. And it sometimes amazes me how irritated I am on the inside and yet I could still play it cool in front of them. Like, we still talk and are friends and all. The other day after the broadcast she came up to me and went "Su Liiiiinnnggg, come gimme a kiss...." And we mwah-mwahed. Argh. I should have just told her to go away.

That's not all. I'm sure some of you know how absolutely crappy it feels when you've put so much effort into something, thinking you would be rewarded accordingly and then end up being disappointed because, really, what were you thinking?!

Jess and I spent so much time putting in background music for the PSAs and commercials and promos, painstakingly constructing melodies from soundclips and editing songs and all, and in the end, the lecturer wasn't even there to hear our broadcast. He only came in abour 20 minutes before we were supposed to go off-air, and he was supposed to grade us! Can you believe it? We could have just saved ourselves all the trouble and come up with some crappy nonsense and nobody would have known or cared. I know it sounds so bimbotic, but seriously, the amount of energy and hard work we put into this whole farce just was not worth one bit at all.

And mind you, it isn't easy just to get a spot to do all the work. KDU has like 10 comp labs or something, and only one miserable smelly(literally) lab has the software we need. And for some reason that lab is ALWAYS used for classes, so we almost never get to sit for one stretch and finish off the work. You have no idea how many times I managed to get hold of the lab, plug in my earphones and open the song, only to be chased out by the lecturer cos they were gonna have a class, or because my dad had arrived to pick me up. AAAaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhh!!

And honestly I'm SO tired of being the organiser, the one who conceptualizes and thinks and delegates jobs. It seems to me I'm always the one putting in extra effort into my group assignments. I sometimes wonder if maybe I've become more worked up about things lately, but I seriously doubt so, because I've always been a rather chillout person. It's just that I'm responsible and I always strive for excellence in my assignments, which means no matter the circumstances I meet the deadlines and I make sure we get our jobs done. But recently I told myself I should stop being the one always doing things. I should take a step back. Maybe it's precisely because I strive so hard and always do the planning that the others just chillout and let me worry about everything. But then if I don't plan and organize, who will? I don't want to get a bad grade just because I let other people's apathy deter me from giving it my best shot.

I do not like KDU. I really don't. When people ask me why, I just tell them I don't know how to explain. Because it isn't one particular thing, it's just EVERYTHING thrown together, from the absolutely irresponsible lecturers who cancel classes according to their own whims and fancies, to people who come to college solely to smoke and socialize, to the pathetic excuse for computer labs, to how they rip us off by giving us sucky facilities, to the horrible food, to how they arrange our timetables with no consideration for students' convenience at all, to the annoying lack of parking spaces, to everything else about it.

I'm sorry if you struggled to read through all that. You didn't have to you know. Hehe. But I feel better. Phew.