Heartbreak is when
I get on the bus on a public holiday, which explains why I'm the only other person on it. I pick a seat facing the rear, which I almost never do because not all buses have seats facing the rear, so it really was a special bus that day. It's nice and quiet. I close my eyes, letting myself drift either into sleep or into silent communication with God.
A few stops after mine, a little boy bounces into the bus, followed by his mother - a punkish, too-young-to-be-a-mom 19ish-year-old. The little boy goes all the way to the back, while his mother picks a seat just in front of him, barely turning to see if he's comfortable or if he needs anything.
Little boy busies himself with his toy car and talking gibberish to himself. Sometimes he catches my eye, and I smile at him. He then proceeds to examine me with curiosity, and goes back to his toy car.
After a while, his cherubic little face starts to bore me and I retreat back into my mind.
Suddenly he goes: "Mommy, why does daddy live so far away?"
Mom doesn't reply, or she says something I can't quite remember to dodge the question. She barely turns to answer him. He doesn't look too convinced but lets it rest anyway.
A couple of minutes later, the little boy goes: "Mommy, can daddy come and live with us?"
Again, mom skirts around the question, mumbling something to appease him. He goes: "HUH? WHAT?" This time, mom replies, louder, irritated, angsty.
My curiosity is piqued. I tune my eyes and ears, all the while feeling my heart beating faster. I'm kepoh like that.
Things are quiet for a while. Little boy busies himself with his car, and I think i hear mom sniffle. Out of the corner of my eye I see her wiping her cheeks. Tears weren't visible from where I was sitting, but who knows.
Then little boy goes: "Mommy can I buy that shirt for daddy?" (or something along those lines)
"No, you've got to ask him yourself. I've got no money."
You could see the dejection in little boy's eyes as he turned to look out the window.
I say a silent prayer for him, asking God to protect him and love him. It was odd, I was just thinking to myself how gangster-ish he looked. Not that he was mischievous mind you, he was really a sweet little thing. But I saw that hint of a rebellious, angry streak in his angelic little face, and I couldn't help picturing what would become of him in 15 years' time.
Anyway, a couple of minutes later, little boy goes: "But mommy, I want daddy to come live with us! I want daddy to live with us!"
He is ignored by mom as she continues staring out the window. He repeats his request, this time louder, almost pleading.
Mom retorts suddenly: "He can't, ok?"
"Why?"
"HE JUST CAN'T!"
Little boy sprawls himself out over the bus seats. After a while mom goes: "What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to sleep," and he bangs his feet against the bus windows.
I continued praying silently for mom and boy as I got off the bus. I can't quite get this episode out of my mind still. Children not only feel love, but also a LACK of which, and it's so sad that at such a young age, little boy has to live in an environment where his parents are absorbed in their own problems and barely bother to even talk to him. I can only pray this will not affect his future. Imagine growing up feeling completely alone, not really understanding what's going on between your parents, and largely left to fend for yourself. Love is such a powerful, essential feeling, it's life-ruining to live without it!
Sad as it may seem, little boy is but a statistic. His story is an incredibly worrying trend as more and more young people engage in pre-marital sex without considering the consequences. And when they inadvertently create babies, whom they think add to their problems, they can't find the ability or capacity to love. And the young ones grow up with a chip on their shoulder, appearing strong and stoic on the outside but really a wreck on the inside, not really knowing what love is and navigating life with hatred and anger.
It is so heartbreaking. I pray they find Jesus! Especially my little boy on the bus. He deserves so much better. sigh.
A few stops after mine, a little boy bounces into the bus, followed by his mother - a punkish, too-young-to-be-a-mom 19ish-year-old. The little boy goes all the way to the back, while his mother picks a seat just in front of him, barely turning to see if he's comfortable or if he needs anything.
Little boy busies himself with his toy car and talking gibberish to himself. Sometimes he catches my eye, and I smile at him. He then proceeds to examine me with curiosity, and goes back to his toy car.
After a while, his cherubic little face starts to bore me and I retreat back into my mind.
Suddenly he goes: "Mommy, why does daddy live so far away?"
Mom doesn't reply, or she says something I can't quite remember to dodge the question. She barely turns to answer him. He doesn't look too convinced but lets it rest anyway.
A couple of minutes later, the little boy goes: "Mommy, can daddy come and live with us?"
Again, mom skirts around the question, mumbling something to appease him. He goes: "HUH? WHAT?" This time, mom replies, louder, irritated, angsty.
My curiosity is piqued. I tune my eyes and ears, all the while feeling my heart beating faster. I'm kepoh like that.
Things are quiet for a while. Little boy busies himself with his car, and I think i hear mom sniffle. Out of the corner of my eye I see her wiping her cheeks. Tears weren't visible from where I was sitting, but who knows.
Then little boy goes: "Mommy can I buy that shirt for daddy?" (or something along those lines)
"No, you've got to ask him yourself. I've got no money."
You could see the dejection in little boy's eyes as he turned to look out the window.
I say a silent prayer for him, asking God to protect him and love him. It was odd, I was just thinking to myself how gangster-ish he looked. Not that he was mischievous mind you, he was really a sweet little thing. But I saw that hint of a rebellious, angry streak in his angelic little face, and I couldn't help picturing what would become of him in 15 years' time.
Anyway, a couple of minutes later, little boy goes: "But mommy, I want daddy to come live with us! I want daddy to live with us!"
He is ignored by mom as she continues staring out the window. He repeats his request, this time louder, almost pleading.
Mom retorts suddenly: "He can't, ok?"
"Why?"
"HE JUST CAN'T!"
Little boy sprawls himself out over the bus seats. After a while mom goes: "What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to sleep," and he bangs his feet against the bus windows.
I continued praying silently for mom and boy as I got off the bus. I can't quite get this episode out of my mind still. Children not only feel love, but also a LACK of which, and it's so sad that at such a young age, little boy has to live in an environment where his parents are absorbed in their own problems and barely bother to even talk to him. I can only pray this will not affect his future. Imagine growing up feeling completely alone, not really understanding what's going on between your parents, and largely left to fend for yourself. Love is such a powerful, essential feeling, it's life-ruining to live without it!
Sad as it may seem, little boy is but a statistic. His story is an incredibly worrying trend as more and more young people engage in pre-marital sex without considering the consequences. And when they inadvertently create babies, whom they think add to their problems, they can't find the ability or capacity to love. And the young ones grow up with a chip on their shoulder, appearing strong and stoic on the outside but really a wreck on the inside, not really knowing what love is and navigating life with hatred and anger.
It is so heartbreaking. I pray they find Jesus! Especially my little boy on the bus. He deserves so much better. sigh.
posted by suling at
8:33 PM
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