As the internal battle continues to rage between my wanting to remain faithful and my attempting to take my physical and mental rest a bit more seriously, I wonder if this is legitimately a necessary struggle. I suspect my battle is more against myself than anything else - me wanting to please everyone and succumbing to expectations to maintain the perceived harmony. When will I learn to take strides towards saying no? It has been baby steps thus far, but baby steps are definitely a step up from nothing. For that, I commend myself. But there is more that needs to be done. I can't continue to be a reluctant fence-sitter, remaining lukewarm and completing tasks halfheartedly while lamenting the lack of personal satisfaction. As much as I desire to give, I realize I can't give out of nothing. And as much as I want to do, I am not being. And I certainly do not identify with lavishness or running on a hamster wheel. So either take my brain away, or take what's in it.
posted by suling at
9:22 PM
2 Comments:
I think I know how you are feeling...doing something that does not give you fulfilment like holding down a job just to pay the bills without really ever enjoying it. I guess you have to look at what end these things are working towards. If it is just something transient like money then you need to change your goal to something most universal and long lasting and there is only one that I can think of. But of course, you can't continue to give if you can't maintain recollection within yourself - so look after yourself first and more good can be achieved in yourself and others. All the best and of course...enjoy your weekend! :)
I think I know how you are feeling...doing something that does not give you fulfilment like holding down a job just to pay the bills without really ever enjoying it. I guess you have to look at what end these things are working towards. If it is just something transient like money then you need to change your goal to something most universal and long lasting (that is worth your effort) and there is only one that I can think of. But of course, you can't continue to give if you can't maintain recollection within yourself - so look after yourself first and more good can be achieved in yourself and others. All the best and of course...enjoy your weekend!
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